I'm thinking it might be a little frustration on his behalf because nobody answered the question.
tmains, YES...you are doing something wrong.
But dont let that stop you from having a good time. This is a good bunch of guys and they are trying to help you. Sometimes things get lost when posted on the net, like feelings and kidding etc...
Most of the pressure cookers I have seen are pretty small, so even if you got some alcohol in the mix, you probably boiled it off as it was too small to collect.By the time your mash was puking, you had shot that wad. Nearly anything you got after that ( provided you cleaned the coil ) would have been corny flavored water wit no alcohol in it.
No, Im suspecting that the reason that everyone gravitated towards fermentation was because you didnt mention if you thought the ferment was complete.
It could be that your ferment was not complete and you were just boiling sugar water. The cautions on plastics is standard for here. Most of us are not against progressive thinking, but we like to be extra paranoid when working with high temperature solvents.
Sounds like you are going to want to stick with this rig for a bit, so what I would do is go downtown and get some cheap red wine and practice a few runs with that. This will serve both as a cleaning period and it will illustrate the way alcohol comes through with a sample you KNOW contains it. Feel free to toss it back in and run it a few times so you can learn the very basic smells, but DONT drink any of it. Toss that shit and try some of your mash.
You should taste your mash before you try to distill it. Does it taste dry almost like a hint of dustiness with a cloying sweet smell? Then you probably have alcohol. If it's sweet and tastes like bread, then your yeast didnt make it. Sterilize the wash and try again.
You will definitely want to check out the fermentation section. Many folks here started with beer and worked their way up. Its the same principle for mash.
This is a learning process. If you open yourself up to it, it can be very rewarding. Sometimes when folks help, they sound like they are criticising when all they are really doing is trying to be breif...a trait I seem to have missed in this post.
So...did the condom inflate at all? What temperature was the room you fermented it in? Did you smell CO2 during the process? You said you used a clear 5 gallon jar, did you see any bubbles on the sides? Did you warm the water? Did you happen to kill the yeast by making it too hot? and Lastly...have you tested the yeast to see if its viable? ( 1 tsp sugar in 1 cup baby-bottle warm water, stir and see if it grows?)
You'll get it soon enough and then you will drip your first...from then on...your just plain doomed.