One time there was a boy got arrested for screwing a girl, and they claimed he done standing up, behind the door at the schoolhouse. but the girl stood pretty near six foot tall, and the boy was a little bit of a runt.
The people said he done it with a milk bucket. The constable fetched the biggest bucket in town and made the boy stand on it, but he still lacked a foot. So the justice of the peace says the whole case looks fishy to him and they turned the boy loose for lack of evidence.
After the whole thing blowed over, the girl told some of her friends what really happened. "We was both standing up," she says, "and it was the damnest fucking I ever had in my life!" The ladies wanted to know how little Johnny could reach that high. The girl just laughed.
"The little booger put the bucket on my head," she says, and then he hung on to the handle like a woodpecker!"