The liar's bench

[Truckinbutch]

FLATWOODS !!!! ON DECK ! You got a reputation to defend .

[Truckinbutch]

Well , I'm in deep shit again . It just happens .
Came in off the farm this evening wore out and SOH was up in my face when I came in the door :
"Just look at the blisters on my hands from the broom ."
Apparently ,"Next time , take the car to town ," was not the proper response ...................

[thecroweater]

Swept of ya feet again eh

[The Baker]

Sorry, Truck, took a coupla minutes ....

Geoff

[sltm1]

TB....Love it !!!

[Shine0n]

AWESOME

[TDick]

Well , I'm in deep shit again . It just happens .
Came in off the farm this evening wore out and SOH was up in my face when I came in the door :
"Just look at the blisters on my hands from the broom ."
Apparently ,"Next time , take the car to town ," was not the proper response ...................

[contrahead]

The Universal Hot vs Crazy Matrix - a Man's Guide to Women

[corene1]

Well TB you do have a way with words when it comes to flattering women. Just like listening to my Daddy when he would talk sweet to my mom. Heard him say to her one time he would trade her in for 2 -20"s if she weren't careful . She calmly responded , Ha! You ain't wired for 220.

[Truckinbutch]

I hope y'all understand that this is 'The Liar's Bench' and you can't let a good story go for lack of telling . SOH is the love of my life and we feed off of each other for interesting conversation . Kinda like Grandma and Ginga over in Clarksburg ,WV .
If we get pushed to it we'll get 'back to back and face each other , draw a knife and shoot that mother '!
We got bigger issues to deal with right now . Monday I got to have eye surgery . Was tryin to get as much farm maintenance done before then .
Bought a new 8' brush hog yesterday and got it fitted to the tractor today . Started mowing pasture and all was going good until I got up to a gas company's right of way through my property that they had started prepping for a new water line 4 days back . They've mowed 50' wide across a mile of my place .
I mowed almost up to what they had staked and mowed and wrapped about 50' of my 5 strand wire fence they had cut and thrown on my side of the ROW . Killed my tractor DEAD before I could get it shut off . New bush hog is locked tighter than the hubs of HELL .
This is going to get interesting .

[BayouShine]

Monday I got to have eye surgery .

Sounds like a result from the previous comment to me. Has the swelling gone down where she whacked you with that broom?

[acfixer69]

171 pages and this is the first post in this thread go figger

AC

[Truckinbutch]

Monday I got to have eye surgery .

Sounds like a result from the previous comment to me. Has the swelling gone down where she whacked you with that broom?

No comment .

[corene1]

I see ya postin , hows the eye doing? Maybe you should invest in a catchers mask before any more sweet talking to your honey.

[Truckinbutch]

Update :
Eye surgery went well . It wasn't the broom strike , it was a well developed cataract .
Bush hog is repaired and waiting on me to get better .
Hint :
Those rotary mowers can wrap up one hell of a length of #9 high tensile wire in an instant . Takes a lot longer to get it unwrapped .
In a dark place right now from dividing my Dad and Mom's personal things with my sister to settle the estate . Rekin I won't stick around this evening .

[goinbroke2]

I know it doesn’t help now, but that dark place will recede. I was executor to my dad and then my mom 8 months later, older sister was pretty good about it, older brother was a bit grabby and wanted to claim everything/anything he could. Hard on the family at those times as well.

It’ll pass, I took comfort understanding that it was just a part of life and we all go at some point. Both were 74 when they passed though, way too young.

Raise a glass in his honour and I’ll do the same.

[Truckinbutch]

Thank you , Brother . The darkness is receding .
Got great news today . Right eye vision surgery corrected my vision to 20/20 . Has never been that good . Left eye gets corrected Feb 5 .
Released for full active duty today . Had been restricted to 5# lift limit , no bending , stooping , or shooting heavy rifles .

[jedneck]

5# limit? How the hell was ya pissen? Holden it till speaker got home to hold it for ya?

[HDNB]

Christmas time always brings back fond memories of my childhood for me, probably like it does for a lot of you.

we went out to get a tree today and it reminded me of 1969 when i was a lad. The old man had been working in the high arctic for most of the 60's flying heavy equipment in to work the oil fields up there. The pay was fantastic and life was pretty good for the family, but the work had dried up in '68 and the high overhead cost brought on by livin' high on the hog had taken it's toll by late '69

there was no money for a tree. the ol man would never let that stand, not having a tree for his family, so he packed us all up and moved us all out to the forest! we had ALL the Christmas trees!
Once we were settled he traded the old Ford for a mule, 6 chickens and a HUGE tent and a massive parchute we strung from the trees to shelter the fire.

there was no money for presents either but Granny made do. she went off in the forest with the .410/.22 squirrlin' rifle a week before the big night. She came back the first night with 2 grouse and a rabbit and after filling her belly and ours,she headed back out in the dark.

we was a little worried when she was gone the night and even more so when she disappeared for days on end. Come day before Christmas eve, it was 30 below zero and she was still MIA... Dad decided it was time to ride that mule the 40 or so miles back to town to enlist the help of the local RCMP to help find her.

about 1/2 way to town, in the middle of the Indian res, he heard a ballhooin' coming out the wood, shrieks and screams, all manner of caterwallin'. sounded like someone was pulling the old woman through a knothole in a prickly pine tree. Recognizing the war cries of his own mother Pa turned the mule and spurred him on to the direction of the commotion.

Bursting through the wood he found her scrambling and scrapping with a wolverine in one hand and a mid sized cougar with it's neck under her right boot, quite dead. The wolverine was screaming and fighting for it's life as grams swung it by the tail, beating it back and forth between a boulder and a tree stump.

Jaysus! the ol man thundered on seeing this sight, and it startled granny so much she lost hold on the wolverine, who hastily limped a retreat into the wood. The ol man was quick on the draw though and shouldered his .30.30 bush gun and levered a round into the chamber. he drew down on the wolverine and shot that sumbitch right in the asshole, the bullet passed straight through and exited it's mouth, leaving a perfect hide with no damage!

now, anyone who knows anything about hides knows that wolverine is a valuable, valuable hide...even moreso when there is no holes in it since they are too smart to get caught out in a trap and almost always the only way to harvest one is with a big gun.

with two premium winter hides, pa and granny saddled up and headed for the reservation to do some trading. Negotiations
went well. Gran traded the cougar hide for some high end Indian art clothes and the best smoked whitefish i ever had been party to. The old man sat down with the grand Chief who was enamored with the wolverine hide, so much so that he gave up his prize 3 year old thoroughbred and a satchel of gold dust he had collected from a stream on his land.

It was the best Christmas ever! we got new moccasins under our tree and dreamcatchers in our stockings. We worked the ass off that that horse too, clearing some bush and plowing up a nice garden patch come spring.

By the time summer came that horse was muscled up and ready to run. Pa rode him hard 150 miles to the big city and used some that gold dust to get him entered into a maiden race, and put the rest on a bet to win.
totally unknown with a green trainer hired on that morning and the cheapest jockey on the track he went off the board at 40 to 1.
the ole man picked up just a bit over 40,000 on that bet.

Later that year that horse went on to win the Canadian derby. Maybe you heard of him, Swinging Apache. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canadian_Derby" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;" rel="nofollow

who sez Christmas wishes don't come true

[Truckinbutch]

5# limit? How the hell was ya pissen? Holden it till speaker got home to hold it for ya?

Nawp . Just sat down on the commode like any smart man would have .
When ya gotta piss , ya gotta PISS !
Just ain't the time to be dependent on the whims of a woman .................

[Truckinbutch]

AWESOME !!!!! HDNB .

[Truckinbutch]

I've told it before and this is the time of the year to tell my Christmas story again .
I married into a large central WV family . Dad was a survivor of the WW2 82nd Airborn glider units . A man that deserved and got my respect . His kids just always shrugged and said ,
"Daddy was a soldier in WW2 . We don't know what he did . We need money for dresses ....." The medals he could have worn would have stooped his shoulders more than the burden of a minimum wage job at a sawmill that he worked to support those ungrateful bitches ... 4 of them . He sired 3 boys that are a credit to his legacy . They work for a living instead of using the power of the pussy to get what they want .
I took 4 of his grandchildren to the JFK Special Warfare Center on Ft Bragg to sit in a glider like he flew in in WW2 . The only ones that even have a clue as to what he did .
Anyhow (I learned that from my friend 'Arkansas Tom') one of those bitches got herself a big city job . She got to be the manager of an Olan Mills photograph studio .
She let that affluence(?) go to her head . Every Christmas she had to descend like Sanded Claws with a Nash Rambler chocked full of presents for her nieces and nephews that her siblings could not afford to buy for their own children .
Year I'm talkin about , my oldest brotherinlaw had had enough humiliation and declared himself out of that circus . He was not taking his family to the witches cauldron .
> > I'm getting a bit into the whiskey . Good time for me to continue this story another day .................

[Antler24]

I've told it before and this is the time of the year to tell my Christmas story again .
I married into a large central WV family . Dad was a survivor of the WW2 82nd Airborn glider units . A man that deserved and got my respect . His kids just always shrugged and said ,
"Daddy was a soldier in WW2 . We don't know what he did . We need money for dresses ....." The medals he could have worn would have stooped his shoulders more than the burden of a minimum wage job at a sawmill that he worked to support those ungrateful bitches ... 4 of them . He sired 3 boys that are a credit to his legacy . They work for a living instead of using the power of the pussy to get what they want .
I took 4 of his grandchildren to the JFK Special Warfare Center on Ft Bragg to sit in a glider like he flew in in WW2 . The only ones that even have a clue as to what he did .
Anyhow (I learned that from my friend 'Arkansas Tom') one of those bitches got herself a big city job . She got to be the manager of an Olan Mills photograph studio .
She let that affluence(?) go to her head . Every Christmas she had to descend like Sanded Claws with a Nash Rambler chocked full of presents for her nieces and nephews that her siblings could not afford to buy for their own children .
Year I'm talkin about , my oldest brotherinlaw had had enough humiliation and declared himself out of that circus . He was not taking his family to the witches cauldron .
> > I'm getting a bit into the whiskey . Good time for me to continue this story another day .................

A drunk mind speaks a sober heart brother. Ain't no judgement 'round here, I got a couple'a them kin folk as well.

[kiwi Bruce]

I married into a large central WV family . Dad was a survivor of the WW2 82nd Airborn glider units .

Small world...My father in-law was also in the same outfit 82nd Airborne gliders...325 glider infantry regiment...until Market Garden, where He got his chance to jump and get the only star he got on his jumpwings.( I still don't understand why glider infantry were not supposed to put a star on their wings, it seems worse to me to be in a canvas coffin, than hanging on the end of a mile of silk) He wouldn't tell his family what he did during the war, especially what they did in Italy...I had to get him drunk before he would talk about it. Talk about opening a can of worms, what a sti# show they put these kids through, He was only 19...and it messed him up for the rest of his life. I don't think I could have done it, not at nineteen...but then, they had the training, physically and mentally. But still... war is truly HELL...and your right about the respect you have for the men who did it, and came back and had to live with it.

[Truckinbutch]

continued ...
My plan was to have my wife drop me off at Dave's house before daylight for a day long ruffed grouse hunt and pick me up at dark to go back to her parents' house for Christmas Eve .
The witches' plan was not to pick me up . Thereby forcing Dave to bring me home .
We hit the woods at first light , Dave , his oldest son(12) , his brotherinlaw Buck , and I . We walked that mountain full of grape vines all day long .
Greatest day of grouse hunting I have ever experienced . We had over 100 flushes . I shot 17 times and bagged 11 grouse . I had the highest score for the day .
During breaks during the day Dave explained his circumstances and why he wasn't going to his parents' house for Christmas Eve . What with sickness in the family , spotty work in the woods , and a new(4 months) baby he had saved back $6 to buy gifts for his family . Pretty humbling for a man who loves his family like no other man I have met other than me .
My greatest grouse hunt ended at dark but my greatest day was far from over . Dess had supper fixed when we got in and then we cleaned all of out birds . The hour grew late and my ride had not showed .
Dave offered to take me home ; with the caveat that he would drop me off , he was not going in .
I declined .
"I don't play those games . If you got room , I'll just stay here ." They made room ....
Their gift exchange was like no other I have ever experienced . The love in that room clustered around a sheet iron stove was tangible .
Des had knitted garments for each child . The 3 oldest boys got paint/coloring books and the least boy , Jeff, got a $.50 claw hammer off a rack at the general store that he had been whining for for 3 months . He started whacking on every nail he could see on the bare wood floor until I went out to the dog run and retrieved my 'coat of many colors'(my camo field jacket)
From it's many pockets came a handfull of nails for Jeff and ammo of various calibers that the older boys could use .
The evening entertainment was that little bugger driving nails in stove wood to the cadence of 'whack, whack , OW! , whack , whack , OW! .'
I woke up Christmas morning to the smell of roast grouse , biscuits , and coffee being cooked in a wood cook stove . A feast fit for a king .
The witch I married came after me on Christmas morning highly irate about how I had fucked up their plans . That lasted as long as it took me to say 'Shut the fuck up . It ain't your turn to talk '
That was a Christmas I will never forget .

[Truckinbutch]

I married into a large central WV family . Dad was a survivor of the WW2 82nd Airborn glider units .

Small world...My father in-law was also in the same outfit 82nd Airborne gliders...325 glider infantry regiment...until Market Garden, where He got his chance to jump and get the only star he got on his jumpwings.( I still don't understand why glider infantry were not supposed to put a star on their wings, it seems worse to me to be in a canvas coffin, than hanging on the end of a mile of silk) He wouldn't tell his family what he did during the war, especially what they did in Italy...I had to get him drunk before he would talk about it. Talk about opening a can of worms, what a sti# show they put these kids through, He was only 19...and it messed him up for the rest of his life. I don't think I could have done it, not at nineteen...but then, they had the training, physically and mentally. But still... war is truly HELL...and your right about the respect you have for the men who did it, and came back and had to live with it.

9 youngsters were drafted from my FIL's community into the 82nd glider unit . 3 came home with 5 arms , 4 working ears , and a regimen of nightmares to last a lifetime . The one armed Postmaster could never break his alcohol dependency . On his drunkest day he could still shoot english sparrows off fence posts at 50 yards with his 1911 .45 Colt .

[Antler24]

Y'all are making me feel lucky. We were always fed with a roof over our heads. Parents busted ass to give us a decent life, though we didn't realize at the time. We didn't have the latest and greatest things or the newest video games or stuff like that, though we was never hungry and always had shoes to wear. Old man as stubborn as it gets. Everybody growed up moved out years ago, no mortgage or nothing, 64 years old still working 2 full time jobs. Cut back to one last winter for few months but got bored he said. They don't make em like that no more.

[Truckinbutch]

Epilogue :
Yep , life is real . Dave lost an eye , uncompensated , helping roof a house for a neighbor . Then he got a tree down on him and had to be 'LifeFlighted' to the hospital where my wife works . He came out of that .
Dessie , she got cancer and lived 6 years beyond what the doctors said she would . Asked for me to come and see her one last time and I did . She left this earth before I got across the county line heading home .
Tommy , well he had a good life up until it wasn't . Married a good woman and fathered a fine son . Went off to work at the Sago Mine one night and came back out in a canvas coffin .
Life is not fair . It is life . You can whine or snarl .
I'll pick the snarl .
Every day I get mine until the day I don't . Then it's' Devil Take The Hindmost '. We fixin for one hell of a ride .

[RedwoodHillBilly]

Amen brother

[Truckinbutch]

Y'all are making me feel lucky. We were always fed with a roof over our heads. Parents busted ass to give us a decent life, though we didn't realize at the time. We didn't have the latest and greatest things or the newest video games or stuff like that, though we was never hungry and always had shoes to wear. Old man as stubborn as it gets. Everybody growed up moved out years ago, no mortgage or nothing, 64 years old still working 2 full time jobs. Cut back to one last winter for few months but got bored he said. They don't make em like that no more.

About the worst ass strappin I ever got was when my Daddy saw me walking up the road barefoot from the school bus stop with my 'tenner shoes looped by their laces around my neck and my socks in my back pocket . It was the style generated by the 'coal camp kids' who had no shoes because of mine layoffs that led to immediate poverty for them .
Daddy's take was that he had labored long and hard to keep shoes on my feet when those 'coal camp people' couldn't even feed their kids ; let alone put shoes on their feet and he bought those shoes to cover my feet .
I never been barefoot outside my house since then .