The liar's bench

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Truckinbutch
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

goinbroke2 wrote: Tue May 12, 2020 2:27 pm Ummm, where's the bottle?

I'll have a snort from this bottle I brought and leave it behind the back leg.

(Certainly not going to finish it..last time I did that and had a little nap that frigging TB painted my freaking toes pink)






The bastard....
I'm sorry , Brother . Drunk logic ; seemed like the thing to do at the time . Check that holler stump . There's a jug hid there , too .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

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corene1 wrote: Tue May 12, 2020 4:48 pm HAHAHAHA!!! That will learn ya to not pass out at the bench. He did do a good job though. You must remember that the Monkey was loose at the time and causing people to do all kinds of things that normally wouldn't be happening. I thought for a while that the monkey was gone but I think he was just laying low and getting stronger and smarter. Probably still out there roamin around as we speak looking for more crap to stir. If you look around for the past few years you sure can see a lot of s*^t stirrin going on , I for one believe the Monkey is behind all of it, pushing all these folks to do and act in such foolish ways.
For those of you who don't know about the monkey ya need to go back about 40 or 50 pages and read about some of the catastrophes he caused . He is a mean and spiteful rascal that has survived anything and everything that was thrown at him. I think he even survived a nuclear blast with just singed hair and such.
Hey , Gal :wave: Good to see you stopping by .
You may be right that that monkey is still about ; what with the havoc in this world today . It would fit right in with the other mischief he has caused .
Rekin we should lay the blame to Flatwoods for givin him some of that Mukalee Creek Water ? I was down to Flatwoods's place last spring and can't rightly say I been the same since ............
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by corene1 »

Truckinbutch wrote: Tue May 12, 2020 6:55 pm
corene1 wrote: Tue May 12, 2020 4:48 pm HAHAHAHA!!! That will learn ya to not pass out at the bench. He did do a good job though. You must remember that the Monkey was loose at the time and causing people to do all kinds of things that normally wouldn't be happening. I thought for a while that the monkey was gone but I think he was just laying low and getting stronger and smarter. Probably still out there roamin around as we speak looking for more crap to stir. If you look around for the past few years you sure can see a lot of s*^t stirrin going on , I for one believe the Monkey is behind all of it, pushing all these folks to do and act in such foolish ways.
For those of you who don't know about the monkey ya need to go back about 40 or 50 pages and read about some of the catastrophes he caused . He is a mean and spiteful rascal that has survived anything and everything that was thrown at him. I think he even survived a nuclear blast with just singed hair and such.
Hey , Gal :wave: Good to see you stopping by .
You may be right that that monkey is still about ; what with the havoc in this world today . It would fit right in with the other mischief he has caused .
Rekin we should lay the blame to Flatwoods for givin him some of that Mukalee Creek Water ? I was down to Flatwoods's place last spring and can't rightly say I been the same since ............
Yep I sure would like to see that side of the country, California sucks I must admit. At least I live in a nice red zone where folks are still hard working and patriotic, but it is changing here as well. Been lookin and dreamin about winning the lotto and moving to a nice place in the mountains with no one around and some good creek water for making mash. Son is ready to go too. Our state is slowly turning into a third world country. Everyone wants it free and don't want to work for it. Yep that monkey been really busy around here that is for sure and for certain.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

From Jed's in northern PA to Flatwoods in GA we could find a place for you and your son on our side of the world . You folks would fit just fine .
Me and SOH are just about in the middle of that . That would make us close neighbors if you landed in this area .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

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That frigging kid of mine,
The school sent out "report cards" by mail this year due to the virus and let the parents know via a text. We waited and waited, should of got it Monday but still nothing. So I asked the youngest (who likes to drive so I let him go out the road to get the mail) did he see his report card yet?
He answered "yup, got it Monday"
So I asked "well where it is then"?
He answered, "I gave it to my friend. He wanted to scare his parents."

kids....
Numerous 57L kegs, some propane, one 220v electric with stilldragon controller. Keggle for all-Grain, two pot still tops for whisky, a 3" reflux with deflag for vodka. Coming up, a 4" perf plate column. Life is short, make whisky and drag race!
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Re: The liar's bench

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Other week I was out in the garage and one of the neighbors shows up in a huff. Damn women!! I handed him a beer and kept working, figured he'd say whatever he wanted to eventually. We talked about a bunch of crap while I was working on the truck then he left.
It wasn't 5 minutes later his wife storms in the garage.
"Do you think I'm ugly or pretty" she yelled at me.
I said "you're both Sharon" and kept on working.
After a minute of quiet she asked "what do you mean both"?




I said "you're pretty ugly"
Numerous 57L kegs, some propane, one 220v electric with stilldragon controller. Keggle for all-Grain, two pot still tops for whisky, a 3" reflux with deflag for vodka. Coming up, a 4" perf plate column. Life is short, make whisky and drag race!
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Re: The liar's bench

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Wife asked me "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" I looked her up and down and said "I like your sense of humor!"
Numerous 57L kegs, some propane, one 220v electric with stilldragon controller. Keggle for all-Grain, two pot still tops for whisky, a 3" reflux with deflag for vodka. Coming up, a 4" perf plate column. Life is short, make whisky and drag race!
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by goinbroke2 »

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
Numerous 57L kegs, some propane, one 220v electric with stilldragon controller. Keggle for all-Grain, two pot still tops for whisky, a 3" reflux with deflag for vodka. Coming up, a 4" perf plate column. Life is short, make whisky and drag race!
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by goinbroke2 »

What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician? Chelsea Clinton.

I'm here all week folks, tip your waitress.....
Numerous 57L kegs, some propane, one 220v electric with stilldragon controller. Keggle for all-Grain, two pot still tops for whisky, a 3" reflux with deflag for vodka. Coming up, a 4" perf plate column. Life is short, make whisky and drag race!
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Re: The liar's bench

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goinbroke2 wrote: Thu May 14, 2020 6:15 am A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
Hehe, sounds reasonable... ooops, I'm from the Eastern Europe — don't believe me :mrgreen:

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Re: The liar's bench

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goinbroke2 wrote: Thu May 14, 2020 6:15 am A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
I LIKE it.

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

Memorial Day is approaching .
It was called 'Decoration Day' where I live .
Fellers that crossed you might get told , "You do that again and I'll know where to find you on Decoration Day !"
Anybody else hear that growin up ?
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

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Love to listen to you fellers talk about the old time. Wish I had some of the experiences and stories that you have shared here. Reminds me of when I was young and all the families would gather for a big BBQ and in the evening Grand parents, parents and children would sit around the burn pit and share stories. Learned a lot about our families and their heritage at those gatherings. Most all of my relations are gone so I will spend this Memorial day thinking of them and listening to all you fellers stories.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

corene1 wrote: Fri May 15, 2020 4:53 pm Love to listen to you fellers talk about the old time. Wish I had some of the experiences and stories that you have shared here. Reminds me of when I was young and all the families would gather for a big BBQ and in the evening Grand parents, parents and children would sit around the burn pit and share stories. Learned a lot about our families and their heritage at those gatherings. Most all of my relations are gone so I will spend this Memorial day thinking of them and listening to all you fellers stories.
Yep . That oral history tradition kept families alive . It's a dying thing here , too . Even in my own family where it used to be strong .
Like this 'Bench' it's something that needs to be revived .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by thecroweater »

I read these stories and they remind me of my own young years which is confusing at first given a lot of the authors have a few years on me. I thought about this a bit and reckon I wouldn't be far off with my conclusion. I was told by travelers when I was a kid that we (we being rural Australia) were about 25 to 30 years behind much of the world culturally and maybe 10 years technologically. As time has moved on that difference has shrunk to less and less. In the last 50 years I have seen massive changes in society, some good ,some not so much, I was 7 or 8 when I first saw a colour TV and thought it was just amazing, like having a drive in theatre in ya house, Dad would take us to the drive in once or twice a year. I still remember a couple of years later dad bought a colour TV and even though a fair few shows were still black and white us kids thought it was as cool as can be, no more cousins rubbing it in about our poxy old kriesler black and white valve jobbie with built in 78 record player. My Maternal Grandfather lived from 1900 til 1985 and saw many changes, horse and cart to car and tractor, from the first plane to and man on the moon. He use to say the best darn thing about the old days is they ain't coming back but in all his years I doubt he saw half the cultural shift I have, my grannie did, living to over a hundred and she counted it as vast.
The difference between Mum and Grandpa was 50 years, luckily I spent a great deal of my childhood with him listen to his life stories gave me a great insight into days gone by.
My youngest is 40 years younger than me and the oldest about 34, sure hope they don't leave it too long to have kids, I got a bunch of faded memories to share.
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Re: The liar's bench

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My maternal grandpa lived from 1902 till 1980. He knew about normal toilet bowls but never had one in his own house. But he had a huge German bike (called Hamlet) bought for him before the October Revolution. And I was riding it in the 80ths — a bike made when the last tsar was alive!

I was 5 when the grandpa went into the kingdom of eternal hunting... He wasn't manage to tell me a lot... but he was giving me lotta goat milk before I was going to my bed and he used swearing by the best muthafukka expressions I ever heard, lol.

By the way, my mom was born in 1950... too? She's still fine. But lives a 1000 miles away from me... still she does not want to move to us, although here she would have where to live... even separately in the city or with us at our "farm". She likes to send the pix made by her iphone thru my "kid's window". Sometimes it does tear me apart. Gonna give her a call, now.

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by moosemilk »

I had to come share this one here with y'all. It's a rare occasion that I over indulge. Well, they lifted some restrictions here and I was able to visit a friend I hadn't seen in awhile. I brought over some of my beverages, and had a full pint to myself. I maybe have one drink a week nowadays so I'm lightweight. The next morning, my oldest daughter is telling me all about my night before when I got home. Little info here to understand: she's in a wheelchair and can't walk. She says to me "dad, you were so drunk, I could have walked straighter than you " . Gotta love teens.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

Jed , I expect we could be sittin on a bench at your place most any time . Would even bring 'The Bench' . Potential +3 from here .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

S-Cackalacky wrote: Mon Jun 10, 2013 10:49 am Round here the liar's bench is a reality and a cultural phenomenon. Just so everyone knows what TB means by "liar's bench" - it's usually an actual bench that sits outside the door of a country store. Or, in some cases it may be a booth or a corner table in a restaurant or lunch counter. Most often around where I live you will see a few old retired farmers sitting around telling stories early in the day. You may go by the same store in the early evening and see a younger group there on the bench. The Liar's bench is where that 8 point buck you shot last season grows a few more points, or where that 12 inch trout got to be 18 inches. That's the Liar's Bench.

When I was a youngun down in S. Cack, the ole boys would sit around outside the store playing checkers and not doing much talking. Somewhere along the line the checkerboard got lost and wit and wisdom took over. If you could collect all that wit and wisdom, the problems of the world would probably be solved.

I guess here on HD the Liar's Bench is a kind of virtual bench.

Just sayin',
S-C
I just had to bring that post from years back up to the front . It so defines a 'Liar's Bench'.
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

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Truckinbutch wrote: Tue Jun 11, 2013 10:27 pm Those old hand crank phone generators were good for many uses besides phoning fish . Getin fishin worms was one .
Another concerned that ole cranky drunk that shot up our chickens and asses , as told in another story . Me and my buddy Keener Breck ( a great American and the reincarnation of Huckleberry Finn as well as a lifelong friend ) had some used leg wires off an electric blasting cap , a roll of shootin cable , crank phone generator , and a desire for revenge . Don't ask why we had this accumulation of toys or how .
We sneaked up to his shithouse late one night and wired the seat with shot wire run through a crack in the back siding boards . Stripped the ends of the 2 little wires bare and tacked them into the rim of the hole in the seat at what we judged was 2 ass cheeks apart . We hooked our shootin cable and reeled it back in the brush to a hidey hole and waited .
Just at first light he came out of the house headed for the backhouse . That straight legged , puckered kinda walk and him pullin his galluses off his shoulders as he went was an indication that this was a serious mission he was on .
We gave him time to get firmly planted on the seat and then we cranked for a long distance call !
>
>
>
Ever see an old man with his pants and suspenders around his ankles tear a shithouse door right off it's hinges and do hand springs through his yard while screaming and squirting shit in a 360 degree arc ? ..............................................................................................
We did that morning . We were gone by the time he got composed enough to think about gettin his Model 12 . I know he would have killed us otherwise .
Oh , and we took our generator and shootin cable with us . We had other uses for that at another time .
One of my favorite stories that really did happen .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

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ga flatwoods wrote: Sun Jun 23, 2013 5:11 am Truckinbutch, that shrimp had a vein as large as a number 2 pencil. Hung it to bleed out for an hour! I actually had to soak the steaks in buttermilk to help remove some of the gameyness as you would venison! Wish I hadnt eaten it, I think the richness of it gave me the gout. I hope I will not have to put greased rags around my ankles again to keep the cut worms from getting me!
GA Flatwoods
I went down to GA to Flatwoods last year to check this story out . Weren't no need for hanging shrimp that size . The buttermilk soak is all you need .
He also takened me to a pine tree that had a water spigot in it . That water gave them shrimp a special flavor .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

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Truckinbutch wrote: Sun Jun 23, 2013 8:11 pm I started working in a large deep mine when I turned 18 on the night shift . Didn't take me long to realize that there was NOTHING sacred in a coal mine and no prank too raw to pull . Didn't take them long to figure out that I was a crazy sumbitch that could play what ever rough game they wanted to play .
There was a cage room at the bottom of the enclosed elevator shaft . About 60 feet long , elevator doors at one end and revolving airlock door at the other . Benches down both sides to sit on while waiting to cage out at end of shift .
One big old bubba , Wade , 6'3" 300#+ without a tooth in his head , always managed to get first seat on one bench or the other to catch the first cage out at quittin time . Every morning he would plop on the bench and instantly be asleep . That woulda been ok except that the slobberlipped sob would snore to the point that the rest of us couldn't hold a conversation . That annoyance led to my inspiration .
One morning I had a leftover banana in my dinner bucket and a pretty fair piss willie .
As everyone watched I stood spreadlegged in front of him with one in each hand . I jammed that 'nanner about half way down his throat , reamed it around , and jerked it out and stuffed it in my overall pocket .
>
When his eyes popped open all he could see was me standing in front of him with my willie in my hand and a big grin on my face while everyone else in the room was breaking up with laughter .
>
Where he had that knife hid in his coveralls I still don't know : but , I swear , it looked to be a foot long . That's when I took off runnin with him in hot pursuit .
The other guys swore that I spun those revolving doors so hard that the main ventilation fan went into a stall . I had the presence to turn off my cap light and crawl about in the dark with him hunting me to kill me until I could sneak onto a main line coal train that was going 6 miles outside to the prep plant . From there I hitch hiked home .
It took company officials 3 hours to convince Wade to quit looking for me and go home . I got a 3 day , non disciplinary, suspension without pay to give him more time to cool off .
For the remainder of the 20 years that I worked with that man he NEVER went to sleep if he knew I was around .
Sadly , Wade died a few years ago from diabetes . He was a friend ; even if he snored .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by jedneck »

Damn the bench is covered in dust. I’ll park my arse here for spell n clean the dust off.

Thinkin 1st weekend in August be good time to polish the real “bench” with asses while swapping drinks n stories
welcome aboard some of us are ornery old coots but if you do a lot of
reading and don't ask stupid questions you'll be alright most are
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by MichiganCornhusker »

Damn, jed, I was just wandering around out here mushroom hunting, or trying to find my way home, and I heard the cork come out yer jug. Always a touchstone.
Shouting and shooting, I can't let them catch me...
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by jedneck »

The pop of a cork is sound heard round the world
welcome aboard some of us are ornery old coots but if you do a lot of
reading and don't ask stupid questions you'll be alright most are
big help
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by MichiganCornhusker »

I bet Butch heard it, he hears earything, just don’t always let on, sneaky....
Shouting and shooting, I can't let them catch me...
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by jedneck »

:shh: those that say 5 plates cant make flavour don’t know a cork from mason jar lid
welcome aboard some of us are ornery old coots but if you do a lot of
reading and don't ask stupid questions you'll be alright most are
big help
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

MichiganCornhusker wrote: Tue Jun 16, 2020 7:21 pm I bet Butch heard it, he hears earything, just don’t always let on, sneaky....
Never let the left hand know what the right hand is doing .
I expect that "The Real Bench" could make a trip about that time . Last trip , we didn't even sign it for lack of a quorum .
Stay in touch .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

Just talked to Jed . Keep the date open . If it is a go "The Real Bench" will be there .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Hambone »

Will there be pocketknife trading? That was big at the liar's bench at the barbershop when I was a kid...
Good judgement is the result of experience.

Experience is usually the result of bad judgement..
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