The liar's bench

Little or nothing to do with distillation.

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jb-texshine
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by jb-texshine »

Hey mm. I hadn't missed you a bit!
Then again , we ain't been outta touch.lol.
Condolences tb.
Gonna leave a qt of strawberry-honey brandy-shine stuff and a gallon of strawberry-honey mead. The mead is jimbo's recipe for raspberry,just strawberry instead. So's the shine,just distilled. Hope y'all like it. Careful with the mead though! I used ec1118 and step fed till it gave up the ghost. It's quite strong and a touch sweet.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by kiwi Bruce »

So there I was on Monday, standing out side my man shed, watching the eclipse, when suddenly a huge UFO appeared and beamed-up all my hooch ! I was so pissed that, as it was about to fly off, I flung my welding glasses at it. It stopped ! slowly came back...and beamed my heads and tails jugs back into the man shed. One of the jugs had a note attached and written in crayon, on a luggage tag, it said " This Shit Stinks, have it back " I turned the tag over and it said US Air force Area 51....but the SOB's kept my good stuff...and I can't find my welding glasses.
Getting hung up all day on smiles
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HDNB
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by HDNB »

So i was out walkin' the back 40 today...A woman in a hot air balloon floats over, she was lost.

When she saw me she reduced altitude and as she descended a bit more she shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am".
I replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 53 and 54 degrees north latitude and between 113 and 114 degrees west longitude".
"You must be a technician." said the balloonist.
"I am" I replied "how did you know?"
"Well," She says, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk."

So I responded, "You must be in management".
"I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," sez I "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fucking fault!

Bitch.
I finally quit drinking for good.

now i drink for evil.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by cob »

I got a call from a guy about a large oak table I had advertised. 20 questions later he tells me
his wife was less than a mile from my location, but she can't come now and look at it.
during the next two weeks he calls a half dozen more times, but can't get free to come look.
finally he calls and wants to come look. I ask when he plans to be at my house,
he says 15 minutes Knowing where he is starting from I know he is 45 minutes out.
4 hours and 45 minutes later he shows up, looks at the table and tells me he is going to
drive to 1 1/2 hours further from home to another city to look at another table.

as he was walking to his big white diesel 4x4, I called out your a contractor aren't you ?

he turned and ask how did you know that ?

because you just fucked me out of my entire day

WITHOUT EVEN BLINKING. true story
be water my friend
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Truckinbutch
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

Hey , y'all . Brought another jug along to share and it looks like there was enough stillers came to the wake that nobody went dry .
Just wanted to replentish the drinkin and give y'all a little closure .
We got Daddy buried Saturday . Things went smooth . Lady sky pilot stood up and did the deal she was paid for and the family , for the most part , held their grief to themselves . It's what we do ......... We do our mourning in our own time in private .
Them professional mourners , you know the ones I mean ; never miss a chance to stand in line and bawl about the loss of our loved one and how they will miss him .
Give me a fucking break ! He was almost 90 when he died and the last time you had a visit with him was 10 years ago for 10 minutes while the two of you were standing in line to pass by another casket of a 'friend gone too soon' . And you live less than a mile away from him .
Those gladhanders that assure you that"If there's anything you need , just call me ."
I smiled at some of them , shook their hand , and hugged them . And whispered in their ear .
"You may be our salvation . Bless you . We need to raise $15,000 to pay the funeral home for Daddy's burial or they are going to sell his corpse to the University Hospital to recover his funeral expense ."
Ya ever seen how fast some old rich bitch that gives the illusion of 'having money' , dressed in her 'Sunday Best' can run/walk out of a funeral parlor if she is called to task in public .
Bear in mind , now , that Daddy put Mom in her grave 16 years ago after over 50 years of marriage and never looked once at these old bitches that broke their backs trying to cop such a prize .
The real folks pulled us , one or another , off to a quiet corner and offered a blank , signed , check .
"Fill in the amount you need , if you need it ."
Those checks were returned with a handshake and a hug . We are a family . We will never be too broke to bury our dead or revere the real friends that were there for us and him .
The church ladies , bless them , had us a big community dinner down at the little community church . The food was great , as it always is . Wasn't so many of them gladhanders fillin their bellies there after the word got round that we needed money to bury Daddy .
He would have loved that part of it .
Damn! I'm gettin so long winded that I'm gettin thirsty . Be back after a drink ..............................
Upside of all this was that we got full bellies and the community upheld it's reputation .
Then ..........................
We , family and friends divested of formal funeral clothing , gathered in Dad's 1 acre yard . Partook of beverages of choice while we taught a gaggle of grandkids how to fling apples with a springy stick .
The adults (?) swapped stories of the crusty old sumbitch they had known all their lives .
Whole afternoon beat hell out of what that preacher lady got paid to say .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
RedwoodHillBilly

Re: The liar's bench

Post by RedwoodHillBilly »

+1
Well said. Never met you or you pa. I did call my 89 YO pa tonight, thank you for the reminder to count your blessings and to give your love to the family before it's too late.
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Truckinbutch
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

RedwoodHillBilly wrote:+1
Well said. Never met you or you pa. I did call my 89 YO pa tonight, thank you for the reminder to count your blessings and to give your love to the family before it's too late.
Thank ya . That sentiment can never be repeated enough .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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MoonBreath
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by MoonBreath »

Most excellent and proper .. :thumbup:
Made my day to read this.
*Spend it all, Use it up, Wear it out*
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Truckinbutch
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

MoonBreath wrote:Most excellent and proper .. :thumbup:
Made my day to read this.
Thanks . You really ought to come up for the party . It ain't no further for you to come see us than it is for us to come see you .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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goinbroke2
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by goinbroke2 »

Well, being summer and all, and racing season I haven't spent much time here. Stopped by because work is slow and read about your dads passing TB. My condolences, glad he was as old as he was and got to go out with dignity like that. My dad died in 2010 at 74yo. Cancer took his 6'3 frame from 275 to about 150 before mom got him some medical cannabis from the doctor. Ate like a horse for 3-4 days, was feeling so good he mowed the lawn, came in and split a beer with mom while sitting in the garage. Went in and sat in his easy chair to watch the Sunday football game and was gone. Sitting like he was watching the game but his eyes were closed.

When I was 19 I knew everything and he didn't know shit.
When I was 25 I still knew everything but I guess he was right about some stuff.
When I was 35 I knew lots of stuff but dad had me cornered on lots of stuff.
When I was 45 I told him "you sonofabitch, you were right all along" as I was having trouble with my teenagers who knew everything.

Being in the Army and moving everywhere and being gone all the time I wish I would of had him living nearby like you had.

Sorry for your loss Butch, pray you get to match him in age and wisdom before you take your final drink.
Numerous 57L kegs, some propane, one 220v electric with stilldragon controller. Keggle for all-Grain, two pot still tops for whisky, a 3" reflux with deflag for vodka. Coming up, a 4" perf plate column. Life is short, make whisky and drag race!
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

Thank you , GB and all . It's not how long you last . It's how you spend every day you have .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

Hurricane Irma Update :
It seems that the National Weather Center has localized the cause of Hurricane Irma .
Flatwoods carried that monkey down to the Atlanta zoo and all the way he subjected that poor abused critter to Hoyt Axton's song on a continuious loop :https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3kxMS1gPP8 .
Fucked the little critter's mind up , it did .
He escaped that zoo . Hopped on a southbound 18 wheeler to Florida and helped a Devil Charolais bull to escape .
After all the mayhem they caused the country on the getgo ; he rode it down to HELL and brought HARVEY and IRMA back .
We gonna have to drink a lot of righteous whiskey (what we do not buy from the store) to dispel this evil .
It is the only cure for this hex .
Some folks in Florida done tried shooting silver bullets at IRMA and that was only a minor deterrent .
I checked with some folks in Chassahowitzka and they assured me that an adequate consumption of whiskey dispelled all hurricane apprehension .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Truckinbutch
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

Well , here's another half Gallon of that AG white dog that made such a hit at the party .
Still decompressing from that . Was it only a week ago ? What a time we had !
Seen a picture on Facebook 'tother day of where some perverted bastard cinched a zip tie around the center of the only roll of toilet paper in a shithouse .
I like that kind of creativity in a person .
Flatwoods , was that you did that ?
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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ga flatwoods
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by ga flatwoods »

I would have certainly been a candidate had I been there Butch! As it was I was a prepping for the big blow. We got off lucky in my parts. Others were not so lucky. Only half the damages here of Matthew. Man, after a week of 24 hour shifts, I was ready for a drink. I took several. It helped some but not much. I was so hyped up on it all it took several days to get a decent sleep. Concrete floors and sleeping bags are not good for old bones.
Probably a damn good thing for someone that you keep old corncobs in the out house for novelty items as them city boys probably don't carry a whitlin Barlow like we do TB! Any of them have any good stories that you would have had to been there to believe?
It is good to settle back into the comfort of this hard ass bench!
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I am still kicking.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

Flatwoods , I hold you in the highest regard for the community service you do in your area .
Let me know when US Postal Service is fully restored so I can mail you a small token of my regard .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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ga flatwoods
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by ga flatwoods »

Anytime. Send it stubborn cuss.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by HDNB »

ga flatwoods wrote:Anytime. Send it stubborn cuss.
Flatwoods

Aren't you concerned about posting your real image in the avatar? the ABC feds or whatever you call 'em may use it as a mug shot on a wanted poster!

:ewink: :lol:
I finally quit drinking for good.

now i drink for evil.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by johnsparrow »

HDNB wrote:
ga flatwoods wrote:Anytime. Send it stubborn cuss.
Flatwoods

Aren't you concerned about posting your real image in the avatar? the ABC feds or whatever you call 'em may use it as a mug shot on a wanted poster!

:ewink: :lol:
That is just his moniker:)
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Truckinbutch
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

johnsparrow wrote:
HDNB wrote:
ga flatwoods wrote:Anytime. Send it stubborn cuss.
Flatwoods

Aren't you concerned about posting your real image in the avatar? the ABC feds or whatever you call 'em may use it as a mug shot on a wanted poster!

:ewink: :lol:
That is just his moniker:)
I've seen him . That's what he looks like .
What selfrespecting Fed would want to get his picture in the local paper arresting a yahoo that looked like that ?
Be kind of embarrassing ; don'tcha think .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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ga flatwoods
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by ga flatwoods »

You guys have no respect for a sharp dressed man carrying a hand cannon like that? Well, maybe you should!
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

Hey , Cob
Have a horn of whatever is placed about the bench . I know that Flatwoods and I always leave a drop for those that happen by when we aren't here .
Relative to that PM you sent me :
It was determined that I must have bypass surgery to keep me among the living .
The surgeon that was to do the procedure and I met for a conference .
He was a Mexican national that had swum the river and worked his ass off to educate himself and become one of the best heart surgeons in the US .
We shared dirt poor raising stories and achieved rapport .
I looked him straight in the eye and said ,"Senior , this is the first time in my life that I have talked to a man that was telling me how he was going to stick a knife in me
and I was not prepared to do the the same to him ."
He smiled in appreciation and said ,"Si , Amigo . And the difference here will be that when I pull my knife out of you , you will still be alive ."
God bless Dr Cxxxxxx . I'm at nearly 10 years after he knifed me and still going .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by cob »

thanks for the drop butch I needed that, I was told this story by those that were there, which is odd

because the story is about me and I was there, umm sorta, well you decide.

The last thing I really remember after telling the pilot that I could fly his

helicopter faster than he could, was landing on the roof of the hospital and getting wheeled

into a huge door with grey looking people shuffling around. it looked like the walking out of the saucer

scene from close encounters of the third kind. the next thing I remember is the ball dropping in times square,

on the tv, which was six days after the heli ride. the story that is told was that that first night on the operating table

as they were putting a catheter in my femoral artery I woke up, put a back fist on the anesthesiologist, and attempted

to leave. fortunately they were successful and I wasn't.
be water my friend
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Bigbob
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Bigbob »

Well howdy boys! Just wanted to publicly thank Mr Truckinbutch for the t-shirt celebrating the 2nd annual Truckerama!
I was just happy to be a small part. Thank you!!
If you wear underwear then it's a dress!
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Worm_Drippinz »

I wish I could have been there free Mountain hermit told me that he had to back out and I decided I wasn't going to ride with him :(


I heard it was a blast though!


Maybe one year I can drag my wares and my old lady up there :-)
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by ga flatwoods »

I just had a package arrive from WV!! Apparently Truckorama is a thing there! Wish I could have been there! At least I got a phone call in! I was going to sneak into the party but Hurricane Irma changed all that for me. We are still in clean up mode three weeks later. I am proud of my friend Truckinbutch for the opportunity he has had to share with the group not once, but twice in a row. He is surely a friend of many and host extrodinare. We both continue to have mutal invites for visitation but that will hopefully be one sided sooner rarher than later! Thanks for the shirt my friend, I cant wit to wear it this weekend.
As a side note, I gave a pint or so to a contractor from Michigan, actually a Canuk, that was here to help with our clean up with a trailer and truck combo of 130 cubic yards and self loader. Saw him after a week on Monday. He exclaimed that he had worked storms most of his adult life and had drank massive amounts of shine from all over this country and Canada, even had his own still. He boldly told me that he had had some of what he thought wa good from Louisiana , Tennesse, north Georgia, and Kentucky. Mine was by far the best he had ever drank and he actually looked forward to kt every evening after a long day of picking up tree debris! He drank it on ice as I advised and before dinner. His wife even loved it and he told me that if you ever get a woman like her to like it then it must be good! I didnt have time yet to turn him onto the forum but it is coming. He needs to know. Just like the others out there who don't but think they do!!!
Thanks again Butch you hard headed ole coot!
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Truckinbutch
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

I missed a call from Jed . I'm guessing that he got his , too .
I'm impressed with USPS . Those shirts were not mailed until last Saturday .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by jedneck »

Truckinbutch wrote:I missed a call from Jed . I'm guessing that he got his , too .
I'm impressed with USPS . Those shirts were not mailed until last Saturday .
I did and i did. Thanks again, ya's didnt hafta get me one.
welcome aboard some of us are ornery old coots but if you do a lot of
reading and don't ask stupid questions you'll be alright most are
big help
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

So , Jed and I spent a coupla hours solving the world's problems over the phone today . Glad that we could do that for y'all .
Focus of our agenda is whether to visit Flatwoods or BayouShine first . That's a tough call to make .
If my dream of waterline money materializes it will be a 'no brainer' .
We gonna do both at different times convieneint to respective individuals .
Unhandy thing about Jed and I solving all these problems is that it is incumbent upon us to imbibe while we solve such major problems .
Drunk logic will prevail .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by BayouShine »

Just give me a shout when yall decide to come down. I have plenty to imbibe upon, so we can solve problems to our fullest potential.

And while I'm sittin' here on this bench, I may as well pass along a story a feller told me just recently. This rather "large" fella was tellin' me about a lil plane trip that he took a while back. He found himself in a bit of a jam in the plane's bathroom. As it turns out, nature has a way of callin' on an 18 hour flight. As he finishes his "business', he realizes that he can't reach back to "clean up". No problem says he, and reaches forward, but the walls are too small and he can't get his arms around his belly. Now he's startin' to sweat it a bit. He figures he can stand up and get the job done, so he drops his trousers and proceeds to finish cleaning up. Then, it hits him. He can't reach his waistband to pull them back up! There he is, pants around his ankles, stuck like a sausage in its casing. I asked him if one of the cute flight attendants had to come in to "assist" him. He says, "Nope. With a lot of contorting and concentration, I was able to bring an ankle up to the rim of the john and prop my waistband up while holding tension with my other leg. I shimmied my britches back up to my thigh where I could finally reach. It was the most helpless 30 minutes of my whole life!"
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by jedneck »

Tried to bring a meal but uncle jessie said it was to big. Was only a steer that dressed 1180lbs of corn fed yummy
welcome aboard some of us are ornery old coots but if you do a lot of
reading and don't ask stupid questions you'll be alright most are
big help
Dunder
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