Jokes
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Re: Jokes
With all the talk about Star Wars I thought this would be fun!
- thecroweater
- retired
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Re: Jokes
Heard she goes down for anyone on the press of a button, anyways heard they parted ways, she's the excavator now
Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety. Benjamin Franklin
- kiwi Bruce
- Distiller
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Re: Jokes
Hope this photo isn't shocking to some!
Re: Jokes
im sure there will be some resitance to bad puns like thatBushman wrote:Hope this photo isn't shocking to some!
Re: Jokes
no kidding. some guys will get really amped up over electrifying images like that. Overload their circuits and blow a load.WooTeck wrote:im sure there will be some resitance to bad puns like thatBushman wrote:Hope this photo isn't shocking to some!
I finally quit drinking for good.
now i drink for evil.
now i drink for evil.
Re: Jokes
i think ill have to pay ohmage to those punsHDNB wrote:no kidding. some guys will get really amped up over electrifying images like that. Overload their circuits and blow a load.WooTeck wrote:im sure there will be some resitance to bad puns like thatBushman wrote:Hope this photo isn't shocking to some!
Re: Jokes
i feel this here is currently getting out of hand.
Re: Jokes
She really should not have dogged him like that. Good ones Bushman
- ranger_ric
- Site Donor
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Re: Jokes
Husband and Wife Christmas Shopping
A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had a lot to do, so she called him on the mobile.
The wife said " Where are you, you know we have lots to do."
He said "You remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?"
Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all
choked up…
"Yes, I do remember that shop." she replied.
"Well I am in the gun shop next door to that."
A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had a lot to do, so she called him on the mobile.
The wife said " Where are you, you know we have lots to do."
He said "You remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?"
Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all
choked up…
"Yes, I do remember that shop." she replied.
"Well I am in the gun shop next door to that."
If you are not willing to learn
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We want you to be safe and succeed so start here
No One Can Help You...
If you are Determined to Learn
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We want you to be safe and succeed so start here
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- Novice
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Re: Jokes
why don't chickens wear pants?
because their pecker is on their face
because their pecker is on their face
- Haus
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Not a joke, just an amusing story from work.
Had a gal a work that let's just say had a full six pack but lacked the plastic thingy that holds them together.
So one day at lunch she inquired about Spam. Between me and two other guys we began to explain the history of Spam starting "The Great Spamel Drives" of the late 1800's in New Mexico. How they were hunted to near extinction much like the Buffalo and that hunting them now is illegal. But the funniest part, besides she bought it hook, line and sinker, swallowed it, all the way down to the gut, she started telling everyone else what she just found out.
Had a gal a work that let's just say had a full six pack but lacked the plastic thingy that holds them together.
So one day at lunch she inquired about Spam. Between me and two other guys we began to explain the history of Spam starting "The Great Spamel Drives" of the late 1800's in New Mexico. How they were hunted to near extinction much like the Buffalo and that hunting them now is illegal. But the funniest part, besides she bought it hook, line and sinker, swallowed it, all the way down to the gut, she started telling everyone else what she just found out.
you can lead a horse to water but it's hard as hell to drown it
Re: Jokes
As many of you know my son just bought a new home. Before buying I drew up a plan for a new home that I thought was the perfect design.
- frodo
- Distiller
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- Location: hiding behind a pine tree. bout 100 miles east of new orleans
Re: Jokes
His name was Bubba, he was from Texas ... And he needed a loan, So...
He walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan Officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an International Redneck Festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000, and that he was not a depositor of the bank.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was
parked on the street in front of the bank.
The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh
at the Redneck from the Texas for using a $250,000 Ferrari as
collateral for a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of 23.07. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found that you are a distinguished alumni from Texas A & M, a highly sophisticated investor and multi-millionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world. Your investments include a large number of wind turbines around Sweetwater, Texas. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The good 'ole boy replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?"
His name was BUBBA.... Keep an eye on those Texas boys!
He walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan Officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an International Redneck Festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000, and that he was not a depositor of the bank.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was
parked on the street in front of the bank.
The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh
at the Redneck from the Texas for using a $250,000 Ferrari as
collateral for a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of 23.07. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found that you are a distinguished alumni from Texas A & M, a highly sophisticated investor and multi-millionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world. Your investments include a large number of wind turbines around Sweetwater, Texas. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The good 'ole boy replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?"
His name was BUBBA.... Keep an eye on those Texas boys!
- FreeMountainHermit
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Re: Jokes
HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!!!
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Blah, blah, blah,........
Re: Jokes
near perfect... im not a fan of climbing through windows.Bushman wrote:As many of you know my son just bought a new home. Before buying I drew up a plan for a new home that I thought was the perfect design.
- der wo
- Master of Distillation
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Re: Jokes
But why go out? All you need is there.WooTeck wrote:near perfect... im not a fan of climbing through windows.
In this way, imperialism brings catastrophe as a mode of existence back from the periphery of capitalist development to its point of departure. - Rosa Luxemburg
Re: Jokes
its more of a question of getting inder wo wrote:But why go out? All you need is there.WooTeck wrote:near perfect... im not a fan of climbing through windows.
- der wo
- Master of Distillation
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Re: Jokes
Yes. And sometimes you want a visit from a woman. But I would like to see her climbing through a window.WooTeck wrote:its more of a question of getting inder wo wrote:But why go out? All you need is there.WooTeck wrote:near perfect... im not a fan of climbing through windows.
In this way, imperialism brings catastrophe as a mode of existence back from the periphery of capitalist development to its point of departure. - Rosa Luxemburg
- ranger_ric
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Re: Jokes
Big city teacher gets a job in rural Alabama. One room school, all grades...
Teacher can't get any of these kids to learn basic math so she tries a new tack..."If there are 3 crows on a telephone line and a farmer comes out and shoots one, how many are left?"
Troublesome kid says "none". She replies "3 minus 1 is 2...why don't you get that?". Kid says if you shoot one the other two will fly away...Teacher says, Ok, not the answer I was looking for, but I like the way you think.
Kid says, hey can i ask you a question? Teacher says ok... "If there are three women walking through town eating ice cream cones and one is licking around the base, another across the tip and one has the whole thing in her mouth...which one is married? She says, i don't know...the one with the whole thing in her mouth?
Kid says, no, the one with the wedding ring....But I like the way YOU think!
Teacher can't get any of these kids to learn basic math so she tries a new tack..."If there are 3 crows on a telephone line and a farmer comes out and shoots one, how many are left?"
Troublesome kid says "none". She replies "3 minus 1 is 2...why don't you get that?". Kid says if you shoot one the other two will fly away...Teacher says, Ok, not the answer I was looking for, but I like the way you think.
Kid says, hey can i ask you a question? Teacher says ok... "If there are three women walking through town eating ice cream cones and one is licking around the base, another across the tip and one has the whole thing in her mouth...which one is married? She says, i don't know...the one with the whole thing in her mouth?
Kid says, no, the one with the wedding ring....But I like the way YOU think!
If you are not willing to learn
No One Can Help You...
If you are Determined to Learn
No One can STOP you!!
We want you to be safe and succeed so start here
No One Can Help You...
If you are Determined to Learn
No One can STOP you!!
We want you to be safe and succeed so start here
- FreeMountainHermit
- Site Donor
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- Joined: Thu May 12, 2011 6:45 pm
- Location: Two Dogs Holler, West Virginia
- FreeMountainHermit
- Site Donor
- Posts: 1769
- Joined: Thu May 12, 2011 6:45 pm
- Location: Two Dogs Holler, West Virginia