The liar's bench

Little or nothing to do with distillation.

Moderator: Site Moderator

Re: The liar's bench

Postby contrahead » Mon Feb 11, 2019 1:51 pm

thecroweater wrote: I got up early in the morning to explore this very old town and found some stuff that might be of interest to anyone interested in American and Canadian history

Unfortunately I must admit that I'd never heard of the “Patriot Wars”, and had to do some research to figure out what could possibly cause Americans to be transported to a Tasmanian penal colony. Until today I never knew anything about “The Battle of Montgomery's Tavern” or about the Irish Republican “Fenian Raids” that plagued the US-Canadian border later, either.

A Wikipedia page says that 93 Americans and 58 Canadian convicted prisoners from this conflict were sent to Australia in 1838-39. The Americans were deposited in Hobart but the Canadians stepped off in Sydney (where they were treated better too).
User avatar
contrahead
Swill Maker
 
Posts: 292
Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2013 3:43 pm
Location: Southwest

Re: The liar's bench

Postby kiwi Bruce » Mon Feb 11, 2019 4:47 pm

War is Hell...and if you can trace you family tree you'll see just how many wars your family has been involved in. My wife has artifacts and mementos from the Napoleonic Wars, her Great Grandfather - 4 Grandfathers back - ( so, Great Great Great Grandfather) was from Alsace-Lorraine and fought with Napoleon at the Battle of Austerlitz in 1805, and probably a lot more, but he was decorated at that battle.
My Great Great Great Grandfather was an poor Irish lad who went into the British Army to help keep his family, like so many other Scotch/Irish boys. He lost his left arm at the elbow in the Peninsular War in Spain, sometime between 1808 and 1814 ...fighting the French! They could have faced each other across the bloody battle fields of Spain...so my kids have family members who fought each other in a major war!
I'm not insane...I just help out at the asylum when they're low on patients(1958 Goon Show)
User avatar
kiwi Bruce
Distiller
 
Posts: 1998
Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2012 12:38 pm
Location: Transplanted Kiwi living in the States

Re: The liar's bench

Postby HDNB » Mon Feb 11, 2019 6:17 pm

contrahead wrote: The Americans were deposited in Hobart but the Canadians stepped off in Sydney (where they were treated better too).


Let's face it. they were probably kinder, gentler felons. And they likely said "Sorry"

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
I finally quit drinking for good.

now i drink for evil.
User avatar
HDNB
Site Mod
 
Posts: 5964
Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 10:04 am
Location: the f-f-fu frozen north

Re: The liar's bench

Postby thecroweater » Mon Feb 11, 2019 7:21 pm

HDNB wrote:
contrahead wrote: The Americans were deposited in Hobart but the Canadians stepped off in Sydney (where they were treated better too).

Let's face it. they were probably kinder, gentler felons. And they likely said "Sorry"
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Most of the Canadians that were separated and sent to Sydney were from Quebec and of French extraction, were sorry? Likely, said sorry? :lol: Quèbècois :lolno:
Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety. Benjamin Franklin
User avatar
thecroweater
Site Mod
 
Posts: 5493
Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2012 9:04 am
Location: Central Highlands Vic. Australia

Re: The liar's bench

Postby Truckinbutch » Wed Feb 13, 2019 9:34 pm

Crowe and I establoshed that one of his ancestore and one of my wife's likely served in the same theaters ... Showed him an engraved 'Canadian Contract ' 1911 .45 complete with Mills holster that SOH's GGF brought back from 'The Great War' .
Planning to get back to researching that hero's exploits .
The Aussies and Kiwies were , hands down , the greatest heroes in WW1 .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
User avatar
Truckinbutch
Site Donor
Site Donor
 
Posts: 7544
Joined: Sun Feb 03, 2013 12:49 pm

Re: The liar's bench

Postby Truckinbutch » Wed Feb 13, 2019 9:52 pm

I swear ! Some stories defy logic and truth .
My main buddy and life long friend , Brock , showed up yeddy .
Been on a 3 day drunk and had this wildest story to tell me .
I took issue with it on the getgo and loaded him in my truck to go to every Catholic church in our area .
I got the same answer at every stop .
Without a doubt : There are no midget nuns in any church in our area .
Brock , my friend , I gently broke the news to him :
You broke into the zoo and fucked a PENGUIN !
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
User avatar
Truckinbutch
Site Donor
Site Donor
 
Posts: 7544
Joined: Sun Feb 03, 2013 12:49 pm

Re: The liar's bench

Postby Truckinbutch » Wed Feb 13, 2019 10:03 pm

Who is old enough and redneck enough to remember this :
"I'm air droppable , stream portable
muscle operated , sandwich fed and beer cooled .
A teller of tales ,
a killer of whales
AND A LEGEND IN MY OWN MIND !
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
User avatar
Truckinbutch
Site Donor
Site Donor
 
Posts: 7544
Joined: Sun Feb 03, 2013 12:49 pm

Re: The liar's bench

Postby kiwi Bruce » Sun Feb 24, 2019 9:27 am

So started the new year and my SOH says she's getting a bit sick and tired of the amount of time I devote to the hobby...So I told her I'd cut back and only make one product, Single malt....and Gin
So Okay, I'll cut back and only make two products, Single malt and Gin...and Neutral,which I need to make Gin.
So, I'll cut back and only make three products, Single malt, Gin and Neutral...and Absinthe, because I have the Neutral.
So, I'll cut back and only make four products, Single malt, Gin, Neutral...and Absinthe, and Rum, because I have a lot of Panela.
So, I'll cut back and only make five products, Single malt, Gin, Neutral, Absinthe, and Rum, and...She stopped me poured herself a Gin and tonic and left the room.. :clap:
I'm not insane...I just help out at the asylum when they're low on patients(1958 Goon Show)
User avatar
kiwi Bruce
Distiller
 
Posts: 1998
Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2012 12:38 pm
Location: Transplanted Kiwi living in the States

Re: The liar's bench

Postby Hilltop » Wed Mar 06, 2019 11:42 pm

Kiwi, she's liable to leave the house like mine. It's been awhile been working my tail off all winter but work has slowed so now y'all get to put up with me.

My dog Bo keeps walking toward our old still site trying to convince me that mother nature can't stop us. He burnt his paw making a run last year and I notice he remembers as I watched him put his paw close to the copper and pull it back three times before touching it. He ran to the spout but it ain't there as I haven't attached it yet and barked. I told him let's go as we gotta fetch machettes, propane and other things to get ready. Once we got home he ran to the feed shed and scratched the door and barked. If I didn't know better I think he wants a drink.

He was partial to rice slop last year got drunk on it a few times. Got his ass whipped by my curr after a 3 day rice binge made him feel that he was a Jack Russel size in a Great Dane body. Curr put a hole from his tooth through ol Bo's skull. All winter he had a bald spot from it but his hair growed back but he still walks by the Currs chain and growls at him at least once a day. He ain't forgot that either.

I got this half husky half chow bitch that ol Bo knows he ain't tall enough to breed but wouldn't surprise me if the little bastard engineers some type of ladder. He's bout head high to her business end and he just walks behind her with his nose buried in it much to her dislike. God help him as he's addicted to Whisky and P@#&y. He gets an A for effort and I imagine I'm gonna have some ugly mean ass puppy's with little heads this summer. But I can garrutee you they daddy was a moonshiner burnt paw and all.
"Virtute et armis" By valor and arms

Let's keep our country free as God has given us.

"Give me Liberty or Give me Death."
User avatar
Hilltop
Swill Maker
 
Posts: 351
Joined: Sat Jul 08, 2017 7:48 pm
Location: South Pole

Re: The liar's bench

Postby Truckinbutch » Fri Mar 08, 2019 8:41 pm

Spent some time in the losal pub this evening .
Came away with some words of wisdom from a fellow Emerald Islander :
"Many a time an Irishman's mouth has broke his nose ."
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
User avatar
Truckinbutch
Site Donor
Site Donor
 
Posts: 7544
Joined: Sun Feb 03, 2013 12:49 pm

Re: The liar's bench

Postby Truckinbutch » Fri Mar 22, 2019 9:23 pm

Sorry I've not been around much , lately . Family drama that caused me to clear out my still is ongoing .
Anyhow ; SOH got back from Grand Cayman last night . Brought me 4 Cuban ceegars that I'm going to pair with a bottle of Glenfiddeich when we go to visit Flatwoods in May .
Hurts my heart to not be making my own drop . My wallet , too . That 'bottled in bond' shit is expensive .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
User avatar
Truckinbutch
Site Donor
Site Donor
 
Posts: 7544
Joined: Sun Feb 03, 2013 12:49 pm

Re: The liar's bench

Postby ga flatwoods » Sat Mar 23, 2019 10:17 pm

TB maybe we will make a run when you come down. I am looking forward to your visit. What shall I make? Hmmmm!
Just remembered something! I had some of that Tazmanian Devil whiskey get mixed up amongst the good stuff! Damnit! If TB got ahold of that the whole damn bluff would erode off i to the river that hellyun would raise amongst these flatwoods rednecks around here!!
GA Flatwoods
The hardest item to add to a bottle of shine is patience!
I am, and have been, a site donor that chooses not to advertise it. What's your excuse?
Ga Flatwoods
User avatar
ga flatwoods
Master Distiller
 
Posts: 3182
Joined: Tue Feb 19, 2013 6:40 pm
Location: SE GA Flatwoods

Re: The liar's bench

Postby Truckinbutch » Sun Mar 24, 2019 8:30 pm

I dunno about making a run while I'm there . That's a lot of work for a vacation trip .
I just hope that Fin Monkey don't hear about the visit and break out of the zoo for a reunion . That could get serious .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
User avatar
Truckinbutch
Site Donor
Site Donor
 
Posts: 7544
Joined: Sun Feb 03, 2013 12:49 pm

Re: The liar's bench

Postby Truckinbutch » Sun Apr 14, 2019 7:29 pm

Looks like this GA visit is going to be a go . World ; brace yourself !
I ain't been coming around much on account of family drama having me shut down from stillin .
When I was a kid I went to church with a neighbor family that worshiped differently from us .
The big controversy then was birth control and the priest was rippin the rag off the bush against birth control .
Grandma of the family I went with , who had given live birth to 11 kids , jumped up and pointed an angry GRANDMA finger at the priest and shouted :
"HEY! You no playa da game ; you no maka da rules !"
I'll stop by from time to time . Until I can start playing the game again I don't feel I have much place in advising or making rules .
DAMN! I miss being part of this hobby .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
User avatar
Truckinbutch
Site Donor
Site Donor
 
Posts: 7544
Joined: Sun Feb 03, 2013 12:49 pm

Re: The liar's bench

Postby thecroweater » Mon Apr 15, 2019 5:08 pm

Maybe start visiting like minded friends offering help less ya end up needing retraining. With my traveling far for work atm my hobby has been tricky to fit in, in fact I have done ferments with the BIL and helped run his set ups while dust settles in my shed.
On the other hand it's been interesting to see how others run and cut
Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety. Benjamin Franklin
User avatar
thecroweater
Site Mod
 
Posts: 5493
Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2012 9:04 am
Location: Central Highlands Vic. Australia

Re: The liar's bench

Postby HDNB » Mon Apr 15, 2019 7:26 pm

i'd rather see ya yappin' here and not runnin', than havin' ya runnin all the time and not yappin. No one tells yer stories like you do TB.
I finally quit drinking for good.

now i drink for evil.
User avatar
HDNB
Site Mod
 
Posts: 5964
Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 10:04 am
Location: the f-f-fu frozen north

Re: The liar's bench

Postby MichiganCornhusker » Mon Apr 15, 2019 8:03 pm

Well that don’t make any sense atall.
I haven’t had a good run in near a year but I still like to hang around and boss people around, telling them what they’re doing all wrong.

Also try to share a trick here and there when I see a chance, just so I can show off how smart I am. :roll:

Heck, I even gat a chance to meet up with one of the founding fathers of this whole forum, a real old-timer!

And besides all that, don’t step away too far, Butch, we will need you to give us the straight and honest truth about your recon from them Flatwoods.
Shouting and shooting, I can't let them catch me...
User avatar
MichiganCornhusker
Site Mod
 
Posts: 4208
Joined: Mon Jun 23, 2014 9:24 am

Re: The liar's bench

Postby kiwi Bruce » Tue Apr 16, 2019 4:52 am

I kept telling that hunchback "You can fart in church, but stop trying to set a light to them!" but did he listen?
I'm not insane...I just help out at the asylum when they're low on patients(1958 Goon Show)
User avatar
kiwi Bruce
Distiller
 
Posts: 1998
Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2012 12:38 pm
Location: Transplanted Kiwi living in the States

Re: The liar's bench

Postby Wild Bill » Tue Apr 16, 2019 12:51 pm

Howdy folks, good to hear some of the regulars are still here. Haven’t been around in awhile but have been reading up a bit lately and makin some runs. I kind of am a binge brewer and stiller as life just does not allow time to do this hobby year round. I doesn’t really affect the brewing much as I have been doing that for years. Not stillin for a year or so has most definitely stunted my progress though. I have managed to break through a few obstacles lately a have found that I really enjoy corn whiskey in white dog form after struggling with corn early on. Have also played with flavoring some products with the thumper as well with pretty good success. Anyhow, I hope to be around a bit more and keep honing in on this craft. Keep up the good work men and women, as your exploits have helped me immensely.
Living life one drop at a time

I ain’t here for a long time, I am here for a good time

Don’t worry, have a bourbon!
User avatar
Wild Bill
Bootlegger
 
Posts: 101
Joined: Thu Feb 15, 2018 7:40 am

Re: The liar's bench

Postby Kareltje » Tue Apr 16, 2019 2:09 pm

kiwi Bruce wrote:I kept telling that hunchback "You can fart in church, but stop trying to set a light to them!" but did he listen?

:twisted: That is a brutal one. But it still is a joke.
User avatar
Kareltje
Distiller
 
Posts: 1747
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2016 4:29 pm

Re: The liar's bench

Postby Truckinbutch » Tue Apr 16, 2019 6:29 pm

I accept the leg strappin . I'll try to stop by more often .
Visitin Flatwoods is happening . Don't know how much of that will be fit for a family channel .
I'm sure I'll have a yarn or three after SOH and I go south for a spell .
You folks have restored my spirit . No pun intended .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
User avatar
Truckinbutch
Site Donor
Site Donor
 
Posts: 7544
Joined: Sun Feb 03, 2013 12:49 pm

Re: The liar's bench

Postby Truckinbutch » Tue Apr 16, 2019 6:58 pm

kiwi Bruce wrote:I kept telling that hunchback "You can fart in church, but stop trying to set a light to them!" but did he listen?

It was the candles ! They set them around the altar and lit them and the HUNCHBACK farted and the flames went over to the drapes and up the walls to the roof and the sparks blew over to the roof of the stable and burned the barn and the horses and the dog ate some dead horse meat in the barn and DIED !
Sir , I failed to mention that your wife ran away with the Milkman . Your Motherinlaw heard the news and had a heart attack and died . We put the candles around her coffin at the altar and the HUNCHBACK came to pay his respects .
He was so upset that he farted and the fart went over to the candles and to the drapes and up the wall to the roof and the sparks blew over to the barn and burned the barn and the horses and the dog ate the dead horse meat and died .
And , Sir ; other than that , there ain't been a damned thing happening !
FORGIVE ME FOLKS !
I am devestated by the destruction of an 800+year old icon . I only made this post to balance this tragedidy with a bit of humor .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
User avatar
Truckinbutch
Site Donor
Site Donor
 
Posts: 7544
Joined: Sun Feb 03, 2013 12:49 pm

Re: The liar's bench

Postby The Baker » Tue Apr 16, 2019 9:20 pm

Good one Truck

My dad had a similar joke. Which I mostly forget. Well it has been over forty years...
It started with the station owner (big livestock farmer) returning from a long trip and asking Jacky, the aboriginal stock-rider (cowboy) (must have been when he got off the train and Jacky met him in the horse-drawn gig (sulky) ), whether anything had happened while he was away.
Crow will probably remember it...Started I think with, 'No, boss; but Old Rover the dog died'.
And everything else hung on that and the following events. Until the mother-in-law died and I can't recall the events that preceded her death. And then, his wife's mother had died and the curtain blew over the funeral candles which burnt down the house and killed the wife too....If I ever find or recall it....

Another was when a husband returned and asked his wife if she had been faithful. Of course, she said. It has been a long time, he said, are you sure.
And she hung her head and said, well there were those two times. Two times, says husband. And she said, still hanging her head, Yes, the football team and the cricket team.

Geoff
The Baker
The Baker
Master Distiller
 
Posts: 2046
Joined: Sun Aug 27, 2006 4:48 am
Location: Northern Victoria, Australia

Re: The liar's bench

Postby The Baker » Tue Apr 16, 2019 9:48 pm

Found basically the same joke on Google.

(A really old story - I heard this one as a child from my great
uncle, who had heard it as a child around the turn of the century
on some primordial predecessor of the phonograph. Send me e-mail
if you can identify its author.)

A gentleman is returning home after a length trip and is met by a
servant at the station. This is the conversation that they have
on their way home.

"So, has anything happened while I've been away?"

"No, sir, I can't think of anything at all worth mentioning."

"Come now, I've been away for weeks. Surely something must
have happened in all that time."

"Well, sir, come to think of it, your dog died."

"My dog died? How awful! Still, he was getting on in years,
and I suppose it had to happen some time. How did he die?"

"The vet said it was probably from eating the rotten meat."

"The rotten meat? Since when do we leave rotten meat lieing
around for the dog to eat?"

"Well, it was the horses, sir. They'd been rotting for some
time after the barn burned down."

"Good heavens. How in the world did the barn burn down?"

"It must have been some embers that blew over from the house, sir."

"The *house*? The house burnt down too? How did the house
burn down?"

"Well, sir, we think someone must have knocked over a candle."

"Oh. ... Wait a moment - we don't use candles anymore to light
the house! What were the candles doing there?"

"They were there for the wake, sir."

"The wake. Whose wake?"

"Your mother's, sir. She passed away quite suddenly."

"Oh my Lord. Mother is dead. The house is gone, along with
the stable. Even my dog is dead. <pause> What did Mother die
of?"

"It must have been the shock, sir."

"The shock."

"Yes, sir, the shock. When your wife ran off with the handyman
the day after you left, sir. But aside from all that, it's been
fairly quiet while you've been away, sir."

--
John J. Chew <jjchew@math.toronto.edu> Univ. of Toronto, Dept of Mathematics
The Baker
The Baker
Master Distiller
 
Posts: 2046
Joined: Sun Aug 27, 2006 4:48 am
Location: Northern Victoria, Australia

Previous

Return to Off-Topic Discussion



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest