The liar's bench

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Blarney Stoned
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Blarney Stoned » Mon Mar 19, 2018 6:54 pm

Jedneck, prayers sent and God bless your family.

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch » Mon Mar 19, 2018 6:56 pm

Oh , Jed ! My heart breaks for you and her .
It brings back memories SOH and I try to keep buried .
We lost a set of twins the first year we were married .
Time will help to dull the ache .
I'm here if you need to call .
Jim
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by The Baker » Mon Mar 19, 2018 8:41 pm

Beautifully written, Jed, Mrs. Jed must be proud of you.

I feel for you.

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by kiwi Bruce » Tue Mar 20, 2018 5:13 am

Dear Jed and family...my heart goes out to you all, very sorry for your loss...I cannot imagine your pain, God Bless and comfort you, know you are in my prayers, Kiwi
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Hilltop » Tue Mar 20, 2018 6:13 am

jedneck wrote:My friends, i am here with heavy heart tonite. I stated in other threads that the speaker and I are expecting another addition to the family. We spent thursday nite in the ER. The power(s) that be decided to not bless us with child.

So in memory of those that left us an those that
should have been I raise my glass.
Sorry to hear of your loss, I will keep you and the misses in my prayers.
"Virtute et armis" By valor and arms

Let's keep our country free as God has given us.

"Give me Liberty or Give me Death."

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by firewater69 » Tue Mar 20, 2018 6:33 am

I'm sorry for your loss Jed, my heart goes out to you and yours.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by ga flatwoods » Tue Mar 20, 2018 10:03 am

For everything there is a purpose under Heaven! Sorry for your loss.
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I am still kicking.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by thecroweater » Thu Mar 22, 2018 6:57 am

That sure is a tough thing to happen for you guys. Having been through that a couple of times I'd like to think I had some cleaver words of comfort but I don't, God bless the pair of you and family.
Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety. Benjamin Franklin

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by DSM Loki » Thu Mar 22, 2018 7:30 pm

My condolences to you and the Mrs. Nobody should have to go through that, especially such fine folks.

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Bavis54 » Mon Apr 09, 2018 7:04 pm

This is true story- in high school I was in great shape, very strong for my age and starting middle linebacker for our 3a football team- I had no problem finding girlfriends the problem was keepin them from finding each other. The girl I was screwing at time had a sister- 15 or 16 yrs old, I was 17 n I knew better than to mess with her, but she kept on hinting around n finding ways to get in between me n her sister, finally I told her older sister and she flipped out on her- from then on when I came over she was scarce... one wknd my girls folks were gna be gone to gatlinburg n we had this big thing planned at her house. Her younger sis was stayin with friends. So the wknd came, we did our thing n on Saturday night my girlfriend said she wanted to do it in her parents bed, that’s all she had talked about in past- it was like a fetish of hers- her folks were gone , we were all alone so I figured wat the diff—- so we get started n my gf stops n says she forgot lube( not that I was some kinda porn star but mind u I was 200 lbs n she was tiny)anyway she reaches in her moms nightstand for Vaseline , pulls out jar, rubs some on me n we go on.... well about 5 min in, I start smelling something funny... like peppermint, n she is goin nuts, I think I’m some kinda sex tiger, n she goes on n on about she’s gettin hot.. n hot... n hot.. n then she really starts going apeshit like I really was a pornstar, then after about 5 more minutes she hollars her crotch is on fire!! N I kinda notice my dakk is burning also- well she jumps off me n hauls ass to bathroom n tries washing herself , long about now I’m fukn burning up!!! I run downstairs n try same. I finally get in bathroom n wash after 10-15 min it calms down a lil. I go check on her n she’s still flipping out, from her bellybutton down is red. She’s screaming call 911, n I ended up takin her to hospital - one look n doc said it was VICKS fukn vapor rub she had put on me, n got in her, n while there I had to see doc bc that crap stopped me up where I couldn’t pee— it was fukn horrible.... her fukn sister had heard her talkin all week about how she wanted to scrump in her mom n dads bed. Her sis knew we always used lube so she washed out moms Vaseline n filled it with Vick’s vapor rub.. my mom whooped my ass at 17 yrs old for doc calling her n worrying her at hospital..... hell hath no fury like a horny lil sister ...
semper fi

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Hilltop » Tue Apr 10, 2018 4:21 pm

Lol!! Bet she will always remember you!!
"Virtute et armis" By valor and arms

Let's keep our country free as God has given us.

"Give me Liberty or Give me Death."

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch » Tue Apr 10, 2018 4:59 pm

Whew ! That beats hell out of a wasp in the bed sheets .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Hilltop » Tue Apr 10, 2018 7:32 pm

Truckinbutch wrote:Whew ! That beats hell out of a wasp in the bed sheets .
I bet that ol boy had a red pecker for awhile Butch!!! The real question is, did she wanna try it again!!! rolmao!!!! He told one about a toothless squirrel cracking corn with rocks on another thread so I told him to come on over here. Need a couple more like him as all these rookies and Distilling professors talking about exact measurements and science bores the hell outta me! I hardly ever measure anything and have thrown everything into a barrel but the sink.
"Virtute et armis" By valor and arms

Let's keep our country free as God has given us.

"Give me Liberty or Give me Death."

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Truckinbutch
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch » Tue Apr 10, 2018 8:36 pm

Hilltop wrote:
Truckinbutch wrote:Whew ! That beats hell out of a wasp in the bed sheets .
I bet that ol boy had a red pecker for awhile Butch!!! The real question is, did she wanna try it again!!! rolmao!!!! He told one about a toothless squirrel cracking corn with rocks on another thread so I told him to come on over here. Need a couple more like him as all these rookies and Distilling professors talking about exact measurements and science bores the hell outta me! I hardly ever measure anything and have thrown everything into a barrel but the sink.
We definitely need fellers like him here to revitalize 'The Bench" .
I had no idea that it would grow such legs when I stared it . Been a lot of good stories from some great people grace these pages .
I miss those gone before and embrace those that choose to take a seat as newcomers .
Life's been kinda gettin in my way for a while and I don't wish to bring negative stories to 'The Bench'.
Never had a vasoline/vaporub mixup . I did , however , during a vigorus encounter at a local swimming hole ; experience fallout . Got it back in the proper place and went back to work .
She said ,"Keep it coming , Honey ! You're cuttin like a brand new file ."
There was also that night when the kickstand on my Harley sunk into rain softened dirt at a critical moment .......................... But , that's a story for another time .......
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Bavis54 » Thu Apr 12, 2018 2:05 pm

I’d like to hear about the kickstand sinkin in, lol that sounds like a interesting story- and to answer hilltops ?- nope she never wanted to try Vick’s for lube ever again. Her mother n my mother both worked at ecusta paper mill, went to same church n they were great friends up til then. Her mom blamed me n my mom blamed her daughter..her lil sister got me a jar of Vick’s and a memory stick to video it next time on my 19th bday.There were jokes at thanksgiving dinner n Xmas every year by her perverted uncle who suggested we use try Texas Pete next... her father( who was my recruiter in the marines) successfully saw to it my first tour was in Kandahar- needless to say was awful.
semper fi

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Kareltje » Thu Apr 12, 2018 3:28 pm

If I think of the story of Truckinbutch of the wedding of his daughter, I always think of:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysMvI5i5Bgg" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;" rel="nofollow

The appropriate reaction of his son-in-law-to-be: to take his jacket a bit aside, reach for his shoulderholster and ask: "Would you really try that, old man?"

I think I like Truckinbutch: he seems vivid and intelligent and honest and ready to help. I know he does not like me, but that is his problem, not mine. We may not agree on a lot of things, but that is not relevant. I think characters are more relevant.
I do not like stupid and narrowminded people, though.

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Hilltop » Thu Apr 12, 2018 5:06 pm

Kareltje wrote:If I think of the story of Truckinbutch of the wedding of his daughter, I always think of:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysMvI5i5Bgg" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;" rel="nofollow

The appropriate reaction of his son-in-law-to-be: to take his jacket a bit aside, reach for his shoulderholster and ask: "Would you really try that, old man?"

I think I like Truckinbutch: he seems vivid and intelligent and honest and ready to help. I know he does not like me, but that is his problem, not mine. We may not agree on a lot of things, but that is not relevant. I think characters are more relevant.
I do not like stupid and narrowminded people, though.
Keep that personal crap elsewhere, this is a thread for tall tails, true stories and good times. Maybe your too sensetive, You one of these Millinials that needs safe spaces or something? I never seen Butch say a cross word to anyone. Suck it up buttercup. And just maybe it is your problem, you seem to have a bit of a snobby attitude if I don't mind saying. Chill just a tad, as science and my shits better than yours gets old after awhile. Notice how everyone here gets along and you just kinda show up with an attitude? Take some friendly advice and relax a tad. Just my two cents.
"Virtute et armis" By valor and arms

Let's keep our country free as God has given us.

"Give me Liberty or Give me Death."

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch » Thu Apr 12, 2018 5:59 pm

Hilltop wrote:
Kareltje wrote:If I think of the story of Truckinbutch of the wedding of his daughter, I always think of:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysMvI5i5Bgg" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;" rel="nofollow

The appropriate reaction of his son-in-law-to-be: to take his jacket a bit aside, reach for his shoulderholster and ask: "Would you really try that, old man?"

I think I like Truckinbutch: he seems vivid and intelligent and honest and ready to help. I know he does not like me, but that is his problem, not mine. We may not agree on a lot of things, but that is not relevant. I think characters are more relevant.
I do not like stupid and narrowminded people, though.
Keep that personal crap elsewhere, this is a thread for tall tails, true stories and good times. Maybe your too sensetive, You one of these Millinials that needs safe spaces or something? I never seen Butch say a cross word to anyone. Suck it up buttercup. And just maybe it is your problem, you seem to have a bit of a snobby attitude if I don't mind saying. Chill just a tad, as science and my shits better than yours gets old after awhile. Notice how everyone here gets along and you just kinda show up with an attitude? Take some friendly advice and relax a tad. Just my two cents.
And I rest my case on why that's the only person on the board that I have on IGNORE . No personal dislike for the person . Don't even know him/her . Clicked ignore over posts counter to our principles on this FORUM .
NUFF SAID !
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch » Thu Apr 12, 2018 6:32 pm

Bavis54 wrote:I’d like to hear about the kickstand sinkin in, lol that sounds like a interesting story- and to answer hilltops ?- nope she never wanted to try Vick’s for lube ever again. Her mother n my mother both worked at ecusta paper mill, went to same church n they were great friends up til then. Her mom blamed me n my mom blamed her daughter..her lil sister got me a jar of Vick’s and a memory stick to video it next time on my 19th bday.There were jokes at thanksgiving dinner n Xmas every year by her perverted uncle who suggested we use try Texas Pete next... her father( who was my recruiter in the marines) successfully saw to it my first tour was in Kandahar- needless to say was awful.
Obvious you spited her Old Man . Ya came back on the preferred side of a body bag . Don't envy the duty you had to pull with such a rabbi having your back .
Picture a tepid warm August night in the Appalatian mountains . Random thunderstorms flickering around distant peaks for background music to a Harley parked on a State Park back road late at night .
I backstraddled the seat to play a little 'huggermugger' and things got out of hand .
Clothes got divested in random directions and the kickstand was subjected to more pressure than it was designed to take on rain softened clay . At a critical moment it sunk and my Harley flopped on it's side with 2 legs trapped underneath .
Beseeched to "Get this thing off my Damn Leg !' ; I guess I posed an inappropriate question .
I simply asked ,"Can we finish what we're doin' first?"
Let the records show : To this day , my leather Harley jacket hanging in my closet has a 3"x5" rock for extra kickstand support should I ever get in a similar situation .
The Harley is sittin in my still house waiting on me to restore her and hunt a thunderstorm .
S3-16 and S3-17 attendies can verify that at least the Harley part is true .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Bavis54 » Fri Apr 13, 2018 6:56 am

That’s pretty good TB- I’m fairly single minded in them situations but even I dunno if I could’ve asked her that question with a bike on our side. Lol. At least she couldn’t get away from ya if she got mad.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch » Fri Apr 13, 2018 4:14 pm

Bavis54 wrote:That’s pretty good TB- I’m fairly single minded in them situations but even I dunno if I could’ve asked her that question with a bike on our side. Lol. At least she couldn’t get away from ya if she got mad.
HMPH ! The wiggle action trying to get loose was fantastic !
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Bavis54 » Fri Apr 13, 2018 5:33 pm

I got one for ya friends- and this isn’t too far from truth—so at Christmas I brought out a bottle of some vanilla bourbon I made a yr ago, at 100 proof it’s smooth as silk, anyway a friend from that party kept bugging me wantin a bottle, I kept tellin him I only have few left etc etc, so he kept on n finally I caved n gave him a jar, n I told him be fukn careful, it don’t taste 100 proof if u don’t watch you will be shitfaced n no time. So about 8 pm my wife comes out to garage with a phone handing it to me saying here u handle this— it’s my friends wife, she called my wife to get me...her husband goes home and hits the jar... gets absolutely smashed and watches swamp people on tv, then goes out starts up he John Deere mower n drives it into the lake with the blades on thinkn it’d be like a damn hover craft... he then swims to the shore, strips his wet clothes off and starts chasing his wife around all while doing something she called “the helicopter”..... so she frantically calls me n asks wtf was that brown stuff in jar he was drinking,? And to get over here n calm him down before neighbors call cops! So I go, n by time I get there she had him backed up in garage with car- kind of pinned in. I grab an old painters cloth I brought, threw over his head n found his hands, zip tied em n took him inside. Once I forced a little water in him he calmed down n finally passed out. ..next day he told me wat he done, like a fool he went home n first thing hit the jar, well then he decided it was gna be romantic evening so he popped two viagras. He kept hitting the jar, n last thing remembered was going gator hunting in the lake.......anyone wanna buy some magic bourbon???
semper fi

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch » Fri Apr 13, 2018 7:39 pm

All I can say is you better be sure you have somebody to write to before you put lead in your pencil with a pill and a jar .
I gotta get another drink and deliver an 'I Love You' note .
Talk to you tomorrow .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by thecroweater » Fri Apr 13, 2018 10:48 pm

Viagra sure as is dangerous stuff , old fella back home took a couple.
Got stuck in his thoat poor coot had a stiff neck for days and his tonsils near as damn choked him dead
Darn fool said he'd learned his lesson after his missus mistook em for her Remifemin, said he ain't been able to watch Deliverance since that frightful evening, stuffs a danger for sure.
Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety. Benjamin Franklin

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Hilltop » Sat Apr 14, 2018 12:58 pm

thecroweater wrote:Viagra sure as is dangerous stuff , old fella back home took a couple.
Got stuck in his thoat poor coot had a stiff neck for days and his tonsils near as damn choked him dead
Darn fool said he'd learned his lesson after his missus mistook em for her Remifemin, said he ain't been able to watch Deliverance since that frightful evening, stuffs a danger for sure.
Haaa!!!!! He probably had a stiff neck too!!
"Virtute et armis" By valor and arms

Let's keep our country free as God has given us.

"Give me Liberty or Give me Death."

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by corene1 » Sat Apr 14, 2018 3:48 pm

Truckinbutch wrote:All I can say is you better be sure you have somebody to write to before you put lead in your pencil with a pill and a jar .
I gotta get another drink and deliver an 'I Love You' note .
Talk to you tomorrow .
So now I know why all you fellers keep Ben Gay in your medicine cabinet. It's for when you plan ahead and no one shows . Works great on sore arm muscles so I heard. :D

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Hilltop » Sat Apr 14, 2018 4:25 pm

corene1 wrote:
Truckinbutch wrote:All I can say is you better be sure you have somebody to write to before you put lead in your pencil with a pill and a jar .
I gotta get another drink and deliver an 'I Love You' note .
Talk to you tomorrow .
So now I know why all you fellers keep Ben Gay in your medicine cabinet. It's for when you plan ahead and no one shows . Works great on sore arm muscles so I heard. :D
Oops! We forgot the ladies are present too. Forgive our rowdy sense of humor Corene. That Marine has had me imagining the look on him and that gals face all day when THINGS got heated. I sure hope he was telling a tail! We fellows will try to keep our minds out of the gutter till one of us gets drunk, then all bets are off. That Ben Gay joke reminds me of the initation to the high school football team, it hit kinda close to home and those were not good memories! Damn sure made me not want to play football no more. That stuff burns like fire!!!
"Virtute et armis" By valor and arms

Let's keep our country free as God has given us.

"Give me Liberty or Give me Death."

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch » Sat Apr 14, 2018 6:08 pm

corene1 wrote:
Truckinbutch wrote:All I can say is you better be sure you have somebody to write to before you put lead in your pencil with a pill and a jar .
I gotta get another drink and deliver an 'I Love You' note .
Talk to you tomorrow .
So now I know why all you fellers keep Ben Gay in your medicine cabinet. It's for when you plan ahead and no one shows . Works great on sore arm muscles so I heard. :D
:wave: :wave: :clap: As always , You rock , gal !
Thanks for stopping by .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Bavis54 » Sat Apr 14, 2018 6:26 pm

Unfortunately the Vick’s story is true- the squirrel one is only about half so and the magic bourbon well it’s all about bs- but puts a smile and a laugh on my friends to think on- on a diff note if u read about a neighbor being strangled to death in South Carolina- it may be me, I’m in my shed right now doin a run and all of sudden smoke starts pouring in from outside, I go out n look and my neighbors woods is on fire- forest service did a controlled burn n left it- we’ll now it’s caught back up n filling my shed with smoke, I had to call him n he’s arguing with me saying it’s just smoke no fire, n here I am looking at it burn , I dunno whether call fire dept or not I got a damn pot still goin in my shed—-wtf!
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Bavis54 » Sat Apr 14, 2018 6:29 pm

And my apologies to the ladies- hilltops right, sometimes I get carried away, I love this thread n I didn’t wanna offend anyone.
semper fi

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