The liar's bench

Little or nothing to do with distillation.

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by jedneck »

:moresarcasm: :sarcasm: :moresarcasm: you grumpy ole coot. Your not the only one to be absent from the bench :oops: Sometimes life throws us a curveball and we have to step back and rethink the direction of the road of life.
welcome aboard some of us are ornery old coots but if you do a lot of
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by SassyFrass »

Aint none of us getting any younger. And I ain't near as old as most of you old coots,[emoji16] but the injuries I got back in my 20s, 30s and 40s are sure coming round to bite me in the butt. I reckon some of the surgeries and diet restrictions some of us are dealing with now, are directly related to stuff we did or did not do back in our younger days.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Kareltje »

Just the other day I was hoping you would NOT be in any kind of trouble. I do not know if you still block me, but I am glad that you are back.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

Kareltje wrote: Fri Oct 15, 2021 1:31 pm Just the other day I was hoping you would NOT be in any kind of trouble. I do not know if you still block me, but I am glad that you are back.
No , I don't still block you . Thank all of you for your concern ,
Jed , I'll try to get you called this weekend .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by thecroweater »

Got what ya went in with, well if that razor didn't cut the hair I say she was too careful :lol:
Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety. Benjamin Franklin
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

Well , once more into the breech on the 10th . Gonna do the right leg . The miracles of modern medicine . DAYMN ! And the pubes had nearly grown back ...............
Anyhow , as my buddy Arkansas Tom would say , SOH retired so me and the pup got to get used to constant yak instead of quiet for most of our day .
I did not facetiously nickname her SOH . That gal loves to talk .
Y'all take care . I'll stay in touch .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

I'm beginning to think that a 2 day stay in a quiet hospital may be a blessing .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Yonder »

Nah.last time I was there them bastards kept waking me up to see if I needed something to help me sleep.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Saltbush Bill »

Yonder wrote: Fri Oct 29, 2021 9:42 pm last time I was there them bastards kept waking me up to see if I needed something to help me sleep.
Yep strange places , supposed to be there to get rest n sleep I thought , Ive been woken up at 5.30 am to be asked if i want a cup of tea or coffee.....FFS!
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Yummyrum »

Truckinbutch wrote: Fri Oct 29, 2021 6:19 pm I'm beginning to think that a 2 day stay in a quiet hospital may be a blessing .
Damn Butch , no hospital I spent a few nights in was a quite place … definitely no blessing . :thumbdown:

Must be hell on earth where you are now . :?

Anyway , hope’n your pube’s grow back all nice and curly :ebiggrin:
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by cob »

The last time I was in the hospital it was like trying to sleep in a jet engine full of gravel.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by SassyFrass »

Butch, I have never been in a quiet hospital. Every one I've ever been in, they wake me up to take vitals and ask me silly questions every couple hours. And the nurses get perturbed if you unplug the machine that goes "BING!" and "BEEP!, BEEP!, BEEP!..." every couple minutes.
Best thing is keep your sense of humor, but remember, most of the nurses ain't got one.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

Compared to having SOH home all day , every day ; a hospital is a quiet place to be .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by SassyFrass »

Hope you get to feeling better TB, and the docs get everything figured out and fixed.
SF
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

Got home today from the last surgery . Mixed good and bad results . Got some circ in the right leg , but got a full blockage from stomach to groin . They rotorooted for 3 1/2 hours trying to find a workaround . Offered me the option of a bypass with a synthetic artery across my stomach from groin to groin . I gotta think about that . Ain't gonna happen tomorrow .
Anyhow , shoutout to my buddy Arkansas Tom , I plan to spend my recovery time teaching a novice how to cook an AG mash with enzymes and ferment it out . He's laid up with a knee surgery ; so we both got time on our hands .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

Oh , and a warning to all y'all puttin up your Christmas decorations early :
MARY HASN'T EVEN TOLE JOSEPH SHE IS PREGNANT YET !
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Yonder »

Prayers an best wishes for ya, TB. An remember, F’ em if they can’t take a joke.
Double, Double, toil and trouble. Fire Burn and pot still bubble.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by thecroweater »

Last time I was there I was hooked up to monitors and was on medication in a room with no windows. Never knew if it was night or day
Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety. Benjamin Franklin
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

thecroweater wrote: Fri Nov 12, 2021 4:53 pm Last time I was there I was hooked up to monitors and was on medication in a room with no windows. Never knew if it was night or day
It would take serious meds to keep me under those conditions .
I had a single occupant room with a full picture window . Could watch those young co-eds strutin their stuff all day long .
Yes ..... I am a "dirty old man."
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Yonder »

“ Yes ..... I am a "dirty old man."
Nothing wrong with that, TB. Worst thing thing is what George Carlin answered about growing old, “man, I’ve out lived my dick.”
Keep yer’n up, TB.
Double, Double, toil and trouble. Fire Burn and pot still bubble.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

Yonder : LMFAO !
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by HDNB »

reminds me a few years back we were the victims of a home invasion.

She got tied up at knife point, while the other guy held me at gunpoint.

The clock was ticking and things were getting intense as the guy made me gather up some valuables, I was begging them "let her go, I'll give you anything you want!"

Crook sez to me "man, you must really love your wife!"

I tell him, "Brother, you don't get it!.... Take whatever you want but you gotta let her go...That's my neighbor's wife and mine will be home any second!"
I finally quit drinking for good.

now i drink for evil.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

HDNB wrote: Mon Nov 15, 2021 4:40 pm reminds me a few years back we were the victims of a home invasion.

She got tied up at knife point, while the other guy held me at gunpoint.

The clock was ticking and things were getting intense as the guy made me gather up some valuables, I was begging them "let her go, I'll give you anything you want!"

Crook sez to me "man, you must really love your wife!"

I tell him, "Brother, you don't get it!.... Take whatever you want but you gotta let her go...That's my neighbor's wife and mine will be home any second!"
I don't know if I would have told that .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by cranky »

Yesterday I had a little incident I just need to talk about.

I walked into a quicky mart to get my lottery tickets, which happens every 5 weeks. Before I buy new tickets I always check the old ones so I know how much they have won and use the money to offset the cost of the new ones.

So I check my tickets and there are two $5 winners and one $4 winner. I go to the clerk and give her my winning tickets and the 3 lottery forms with my choice of numbers on them. Since I buy 5 weeks worth at a time and play the Poweball, Mega Millions and state Lotto the total comes to $65.

So, the girl goes over to the lottery thing and checks my tickets while I count out $51 and place it on the counter.

She comes back with 2 receipts (because 2 of the tickets were the same kind) and gets money out of the drawer and places it on the counter. I didn't count it or even touch it, I just leave it on the counter next to the $51 I had placed there. She rings it up takes the money counts it and the following conversation ensues.

Clerk; "Your $5 short.''
Me; ''No I'm not, I put $51 down.''
Clerk; ''The total was $65''
Me; ''I know and 65 minus 14 is 51.''
Clerk; ''I gave you 9, your $5 short.''
Me; ''well you should have given me 14.''
She looks at the lottery winnings receipts and says; ''No it was 9.''
again I say; ''It should have been 14. I gave you two $5 tickets and a $4 that's 14.''
Clerk; ''You gave me two $5 and a $4 that comes to 9.''
:problem:
I point to the tickets and say, ''see that one has $5 twice that's $10.''
She agrees.
Then I say "and that other one is $4"
Again she agrees.
I then say "That comes to $14"
She says "no it comes to $9"
:wtf:
So now I say, very slowly " 5 and 5 are 10 correct?"
Clerk "Yes"
Me "10 plus 4 is..."
Clerk "9"
:shock:
Me (very drawn out) "Nooo...it's 14, if we add 4 to 10 it's 14"
and finally the light came on for her and she apologized for the mistake and gave me my tickets.

I know a lot of schools say kids don't need to learn math because they have calculators but I really shouldn't have to be giving a basic addition lesson to a 20 year old :roll:

Sometimes I wish I had a video recorder built into my glasses, that would have been youtube gold :lol:
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by MichiganCornhusker »

Then again, sometimes it’s just a brain fart!
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by CoogeeBoy »

cranky wrote: Thu Nov 18, 2021 5:23 am Yesterday I had a little incident I just need to talk about.

I walked into a quicky mart to get my lottery tickets, which happens every 5 weeks. Before I buy new tickets I always check the old ones so I know how much they have won and use the money to offset the cost of the new ones.

So I check my tickets and there are two $5 winners and one $4 winner. I go to the clerk and give her my winning tickets and the 3 lottery forms with my choice of numbers on them. Since I buy 5 weeks worth at a time and play the Poweball, Mega Millions and state Lotto the total comes to $65.

So, the girl goes over to the lottery thing and checks my tickets while I count out $51 and place it on the counter.

She comes back with 2 receipts (because 2 of the tickets were the same kind) and gets money out of the drawer and places it on the counter. I didn't count it or even touch it, I just leave it on the counter next to the $51 I had placed there. She rings it up takes the money counts it and the following conversation ensues.

Clerk; "Your $5 short.''
Me; ''No I'm not, I put $51 down.''
Clerk; ''The total was $65''
Me; ''I know and 65 minus 14 is 51.''
Clerk; ''I gave you 9, your $5 short.''
Me; ''well you should have given me 14.''
She looks at the lottery winnings receipts and says; ''No it was 9.''
again I say; ''It should have been 14. I gave you two $5 tickets and a $4 that's 14.''
Clerk; ''You gave me two $5 and a $4 that comes to 9.''
:problem:
I point to the tickets and say, ''see that one has $5 twice that's $10.''
She agrees.
Then I say "and that other one is $4"
Again she agrees.
I then say "That comes to $14"
She says "no it comes to $9"
:wtf:
So now I say, very slowly " 5 and 5 are 10 correct?"
Clerk "Yes"
Me "10 plus 4 is..."
Clerk "9"
:shock:
Me (very drawn out) "Nooo...it's 14, if we add 4 to 10 it's 14"
and finally the light came on for her and she apologized for the mistake and gave me my tickets.

I know a lot of schools say kids don't need to learn math because they have calculators but I really shouldn't have to be giving a basic addition lesson to a 20 year old :roll:

Sometimes I wish I had a video recorder built into my glasses, that would have been youtube gold :lol:
There are 3 types of people in the world, those that are good at maths and those that are not.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by HDNB »

my daughter is a paramedic.

today she picked up a guy with severe abdominal pain and took him to the hospital, on the ride there he disclosed that he had been inserting plastic toy horses in his rectum.

She relayed this information to the triage team in hospital and turned over the patient for care and then went to the break room to chill and wait for the next call.

A doctor came in a half hour later or so and asked if she was the medic that brought in the guy WITH 36 PLASTIC HORSES in his bum...Daughter replied yep, she sure was.... and followed with a "how's he doing?"

without hesitation Doc says "stable" and walks out barely covering a smirk.
I finally quit drinking for good.

now i drink for evil.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Bryan1 »

the last time I was in hospital was for my broken finger, 3 breaks on the bone and as I layed on the table the guy doing the drugs to knock me out said count to 5 so I did and looked at him, he put another needle in and said count to 5 which I did again and looked at him. It was the third one I could only get to 4 and after the surgery when I came around that same guy was there and said man what i gave would knock out a horse where I replied na mate due to self inflicted conditioning it does take this much
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by HDNB »

It's a Canada thing.

My daughter was driving in Calgary (couple hundred miles from home) and became lost in a snowstorm.
She didn't panic however because she remembered what I had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it."

Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.

Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to SHOPPERS DRUG MART now?
I finally quit drinking for good.

now i drink for evil.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Setsumi »

That wil never happen to my daughter... you see we never get much snow in South Africa.
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