The liar's bench

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Truckinbutch
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

Bavis54 wrote:And my apologies to the ladies- hilltops right, sometimes I get carried away, I love this thread n I didn’t wanna offend anyone.
Hope the burn doesn't compromise you .
As for offence : I have felt the same and was told by a lady welder and fabricator that none of us had enough hair on our collective asses to offend her . She sit's with the men and boys must ask permission to sit down .
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Re: The liar's bench

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Hey I just have to let you fellers know now and agin that I am keepin an eye on you. Lord knows somebody has to. Can't imagine what kind of trouble a wild bunch like you all could get into after drinkin a bunch of the hooch you call whisky. Seems I remember a night a while back when there was a bunch of you passed out at the bench with a bunch of penguin feathes laying around and the smell of a fresh BBQ lingering in the air. Don't know if were you or that wild monkey that caused it all. Ha! Them were the days when these young folk was fraid to show themselves round this here bench.
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Re: The liar's bench

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Ummm (head scratch) ... Which night was you referring to , Gal . And was it penguin feathers or a nun's habit scattered around ? Might make it easier to determine if it was Janitor , Flatwoods , the Monkey , or all of them involved in the incident .
Jorge ain't been around since that ostrich incident , neither ...........
Looks like we got a whole lot of catchin up with the plow to do here this spring .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by corene1 »

Well TB, to be honest, a lot of them nights are a bit blurry. It was sure a lot of fun watchin all you fellers doin what you do and me sittin all innocent like watchin and laffin.
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Re: The liar's bench

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corene1 wrote:Well TB, to be honest, a lot of them nights are a bit blurry. It was sure a lot of fun watchin all you fellers doin what you do and me sittin all innocent like watchin and laffin.
Yep . And you kiss with your eyes open so you can see who you are makin a fool out of :)
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

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I pulled my monthly bender last night and evidently someone broke into my neighbors trailer, dang fool left his beer can next to the window he busted out to get in and the sheriff is trying to pull fingerprints so maybe they will catch em. Probably another Meth head. Been a rash of that kinda stuff latley.

Last Sunday folks up the road was eating Sunday dinner after church and a methhead pulled up got out and picked there push mower up threw it on his truck and drove off with them standing there hollering at him. That stuff must make folks crazy.

Gonna turn my bad little dog loose tonight, If they come back hopefully he will bite em on the ass. Word of advice for you youngsters, Stay away from meth and stick with the liqueur as meth will make you steal from yo momma and do some mighty stupid stuff. That shit will kill ya, don't do it even once. The crap contains draino, it eats up your brain.

Got my double barrel loaded with number 1 buckshot. If ol Bo let's go of their asses long enough maybe I'll get a couple shots in. Making Swiss cheese out of methhead ass is gonna be my new hobby.
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Re: The liar's bench

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So a few months ago I'm in one of the Big box stores stocking up on supplies to make a whole lot of neutral. I'll be rotating into a lot of days off and so my plan is to spend a lot of time working out some of Odin's gin and a couple of my new recipes of Limoncello.

So I'm standing in line with my cart loaded down with about a hundred and fifty pounds of sugar and 10 cans of yeast along with a few other odds and ends that Mrs jon1163 asked me to grab. Mind you, the store is packed and I'm talking Big Box store on a Saturday morning packed. I don't really give a damn what people think I'm doing but I don't necessarily broadcast it either I just keep my mouth shut and go about my business.

It gets to be my turn at the checkout and I start unloading my stuff and the lady behind the check register, she's about five six and two bills with bright dyed red hair, gets the saucer eyes. She's smacking her gum open mouthed and says in a loud nasally voice that carries through half the store, "Wow, you bakin"? I kind of grit my teeth and nod my head. I say something like "mmm hmm".

"Holy moly! , whacha bakin"? Smiling through gritting teeth, " cookies, lots of cookies"....she laughs, a long hysterical type of laugh. I'm hard of hearing but she has that pitch that just says screw your hearing loss you're going to listen to Ime. Now people are looking at us wondering what's going on. She says, "Wow, I love to bake but I've never made cookies with 150 lb of sugar and yeast! I say yeah well these are special cookies kind of roll my eyes and thank God we're done with the transaction.

Everybody's watching me as I roll my card away and I see this one old-timer about two people behind me and he staring at me with this big shit eating grin... and I just know. I tip my hat and go on my way.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by 6 Row Joe »

Great story. Where is my "like" button!
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Re: The liar's bench

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SOH and I rolled 2 carts up to the checkout last fall that was full of hog , chicken , beef , and veggies . There was also several cases of beer , soda , and Deer Park water . Dickhead behind us got loudmouthed ,"Where's the party ?"
Answer ,"S317 . If you don't know where that is then you just weren't fuckin invited !"
He got awful red in the face and shut the fuck up .
SOH and I loaded our plunder and headed for home to start fixin for our friends at S317 .
Never seen that feller at our party .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

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6 Row Joe wrote:Great story. Where is my "like" button!
Way I understand it a 'Like'button on HD would just use up too much band width .
I mean , how could you not 'like ' every post here ?
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by distiller_dresden »

Okay rookie gets the Liar's Bench, but what's the wood burner for, burning in the best ones? Man, my stilling buddy is going to tell some rollicking good 'uns as he's lived more than I have and done some crazy dumb shit lol. I guess the apple didn't fall far, but I did more dumb shit to myself/my head back in college, and then getting married to the woman I did was doing some dumb shit... S'why I got divorced hehe.
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Re: The liar's bench

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distiller_dresden wrote:Okay rookie gets the Liar's Bench, but what's the wood burner for, burning in the best ones? Man, my stilling buddy is going to tell some rollicking good 'uns as he's lived more than I have and done some crazy dumb shit lol. I guess the apple didn't fall far, but I did more dumb shit to myself/my head back in college, and then getting married to the woman I did was doing some dumb shit... S'why I got divorced hehe.
aint done enough homework yet.
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now i drink for evil.
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Re: The liar's bench

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Shit my stillin' partner is going to kick my ass so I won't even try; he'll definitely keep everyone entertained better than me. Which is fine. When I'm solo I'm the entertainer, but he's an old Navy boy and just has more life under his belt. I'm sure plenty of his tales can be nominees for Liar's Bench too, but I'm not entirely sure any of them have any exaggeration despite some crazy, crazy shit. Now I get it all though; I didn't realize the bench was actually physical until I read further! I kind of popped around with HD search... I wasn't about to read 178 pages of thread. Ha!
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Re: The liar's bench

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HDNB wrote:
distiller_dresden wrote:Okay rookie gets the Liar's Bench, but what's the wood burner for, burning in the best ones? Man, my stilling buddy is going to tell some rollicking good 'uns as he's lived more than I have and done some crazy dumb shit lol. I guess the apple didn't fall far, but I did more dumb shit to myself/my head back in college, and then getting married to the woman I did was doing some dumb shit... S'why I got divorced hehe.
aint done enough homework yet.
We really got to reconsider that 'LIKE' button for some posts . :wave:
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

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The wood burner is for heating up the branding iron for those wishing to prove instantenous recognition. It also helps warm up an old mans rear end when his ole lady aint around to. Now who is first? TB you have anyone you want to bring into the fold first? ----------S3 brand!
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Re: The liar's bench

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Well I was at my cousins house today makin some more Rum was and stillin what we done made. Pretty good stuff I might say. We we was talkin about old times when we was younger. He has been there since 1959 and thinkin bout what the younger folks have been missin out on with all these phone things and sitting indoors and such and one of our adventures came to mind. He was bout 12 and I was bout 10 and we was walkin the canal between his place and ours, Probably a couple miles away . Well we see these poles and set of lines layin down and figures somethin was wrong. Just seen a movie at school bout not toucnin any power lines and to let a grownup kn ow right away. Well my uncle is a poleman for the local bell telephone company and we figure we should let him know we are a good 6 or 7 miles from his house, but being good kids we decide to head out. Well as kids will be kids we had a few side tracks along the way . We found a ground squirrel and he dared me to catch it. Well I did and got chewed up real good, They are feisty little suckers . Any ways we finally got to my uncles house about 7 that evening and was met by a group of really pissed parents that had been looking for us all day. In our innocence we tried to explain about the down power lines and we were on a mission of safety. That didn't help, still got our fannies busted. Then I am asked about my cuts and scratches and the cousin explains about my match with the squirrel. Well guess what comes up next when you can't refind that squirrel at the fightin spot. You guessed it. Rabies shots from the local doc. We was sittin in the yard and havin a good laugh about that when the water man showed up at the canal branch that runs through his back area and opened the gate to fill the canal for the orchard behind him. We had played in that canal so many times when we was younger and there were more memories brought out in us. Well an hour later here we are two old folks splashin in the canal like we was kids again. Yep it is pretty good rum I tell ya.
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Re: The liar's bench

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corene1 wrote:Well I was at my cousins house today makin some more Rum was and stillin what we done made. Pretty good stuff I might say. We we was talkin about old times when we was younger. He has been there since 1959 and thinkin bout what the younger folks have been missin out on with all these phone things and sitting indoors and such and one of our adventures came to mind. He was bout 12 and I was bout 10 and we was walkin the canal between his place and ours, Probably a couple miles away . Well we see these poles and set of lines layin down and figures somethin was wrong. Just seen a movie at school bout not toucnin any power lines and to let a grownup kn ow right away. Well my uncle is a poleman for the local bell telephone company and we figure we should let him know we are a good 6 or 7 miles from his house, but being good kids we decide to head out. Well as kids will be kids we had a few side tracks along the way . We found a ground squirrel and he dared me to catch it. Well I did and got chewed up real good, They are feisty little suckers . Any ways we finally got to my uncles house about 7 that evening and was met by a group of really pissed parents that had been looking for us all day. In our innocence we tried to explain about the down power lines and we were on a mission of safety. That didn't help, still got our fannies busted. Then I am asked about my cuts and scratches and the cousin explains about my match with the squirrel. Well guess what comes up next when you can't refind that squirrel at the fightin spot. You guessed it. Rabies shots from the local doc. We was sittin in the yard and havin a good laugh about that when the water man showed up at the canal branch that runs through his back area and opened the gate to fill the canal for the orchard behind him. We had played in that canal so many times when we was younger and there were more memories brought out in us. Well an hour later here we are two old folks splashin in the canal like we was kids again. Yep it is pretty good rum I tell ya.
Wonderful story, Goddess!
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Re: The liar's bench

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Great to revisit those days , ain't it . :clap:
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

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How do remember anything when your drinking, especially rum? I don't drink to forget...it just turns out that way. After a while, forget my youth, I can't remember my name...and if it's rum in the glass, I spend the next few hours believing I'm Captain Jack Sparrow! or so I'm told.
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Re: The liar's bench

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I use to remember everything, except how the hell i got there and how to get home. Now i drink in the yard or on the porch. Drinking and Driving is like getting caught with cocaine nowadays. Got a buddy who got his first dui, they put him on probation, make him pee in cups and put some device on his truck that he has to blow in. 1st dui is a misdomeaner but listening to all the shit he's having to do, it sounds like it's a big felony. He's out a ton of money. You youngsters don't drink and drive, call a cab. It's a money racket and will cost you plenty if you live through it!
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Re: The liar's bench

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Hilltop wrote:I use to remember everything, except how the hell i got there and how to get home. Now i drink in the yard or on the porch. Drinking and Driving is like getting caught with cocaine nowadays. Got a buddy who got his first dui, they put him on probation, make him pee in cups and put some device on his truck that he has to blow in. 1st dui is a misdomeaner but listening to all the shit he's having to do, it sounds like it's a big felony. He's out a ton of money. You youngsters don't drink and drive, call a cab. It's a money racket and will cost you plenty if you live through it!
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Re: The liar's bench

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Cops used to take us home if we were unfit to drive .
Then the lawyers and politicians figured out that there was good money to be made off this and we've been fucked ever since .
Well , I'm fucking them right back ! Can't bust me for getting whaggled in my swivel chair at my computer desk .
The merchants that used to pay a bit more in taxes because I patronized them for an hour or so bemoan hard times for lack of clientel .
All actions have consequences .
I got more money in my pocket for drinking at home , too .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

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The liquor's better at home too, TB. Company too, I reckon. Even when I'm alone, the company's better.
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Re: The liar's bench

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Truckinbutch wrote:Cops used to take us home if we were unfit to drive .
Then the lawyers and politicians figured out that there was good money to be made off this and we've been fucked ever since .
Well , I'm fucking them right back ! Can't bust me for getting whaggled in my swivel chair at my computer desk .
The merchants that used to pay a bit more in taxes because I patronized them for an hour or so bemoan hard times for lack of clientel .
All actions have consequences .
I got more money in my pocket for drinking at home , too .
I know these bars and clubs are feeling it Butch, as they use to be one on every corner now they few and between. Only the higher end places built by folks with lots of money seem to still be around. Not to mention a lot of small southern towns now resemble some Communist crap hole with the nightly road blocks seeking the money train from boozers.

Could you imagine what ol George Washington would have done if some folks blocked the roads and demanded his id, insurance and need him to blow in a tube? The muskets would have came out quick.
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Re: The liar's bench

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Truckinbutch wrote:Cops used to take us home if we were unfit to drive .
Then the lawyers and politicians figured out that there was good money to be made off this and we've been fucked ever since .
Well , I'm fucking them right back ! Can't bust me for getting whaggled in my swivel chair at my computer desk .
The merchants that used to pay a bit more in taxes because I patronized them for an hour or so bemoan hard times for lack of clientel .
All actions have consequences .
I got more money in my pocket for drinking at home , too .
Cops haven't changed. They are still working class guys who will take you home. they figured that out as well. in my state they've enacted laws like mandatory dui arrests. they'll take a cop's job if they do that anymore. Cops used to have discretion but discretion takes the almighty dollar, and power over us, away from the politicians and attorneys.
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Re: The liar's bench

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jon1163 wrote:
Truckinbutch wrote:Cops used to take us home if we were unfit to drive .
Then the lawyers and politicians figured out that there was good money to be made off this and we've been fucked ever since .
Well , I'm fucking them right back ! Can't bust me for getting whaggled in my swivel chair at my computer desk .
The merchants that used to pay a bit more in taxes because I patronized them for an hour or so bemoan hard times for lack of clientel .
All actions have consequences .
I got more money in my pocket for drinking at home , too .
Cops haven't changed. They are still working class guys who will take you home. they figured that out as well. in my state they've enacted laws like mandatory dui arrests. they'll take a cop's job if they do that anymore. Cops used to have discretion but discretion takes the almighty dollar, and power over us, away from the politicians and attorneys.
You nailed it . Son-in-law and many other friends are cops . I choose not to put them in jeopardy by hitting the bars and forcing them to make a choice .
Using a keyboard while intoxicated is not a criminal offence . It will , however , get your legs strapped by board moderators . Every action has a consequence .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

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the thing that changed is the traffic. 30, 40 (50 for some you codgers) years ago there was a lot less retards on the road. It's hard enough dodging these clueless twats when yer sober these days.
I'd be more comfortable riding with an drunk ole trucker, smoke in one hand, coffee in the other with a newspaper stretched out over the steering wheel than i would be with today's soccer mom and her ever lovin' iphone.
I finally quit drinking for good.

now i drink for evil.
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Re: The liar's bench

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HDNB wrote:the thing that changed is the traffic. 30, 40 (50 for some you codgers) years ago there was a lot less retards on the road. It's hard enough dodging these clueless twats when yer sober these days.
I'd be more comfortable riding with an drunk ole trucker, smoke in one hand, coffee in the other with a newspaper stretched out over the steering wheel than i would be with today's soccer mom and her ever lovin' iphone.
I'll tell your brother I was trying walk my way around the city the other day, mind you I avoid the Republic of Seattle like the plague, but I kept running into these zombies walking around with their heads in their phones. I just don't get it. I think it might be even be worse than DUI
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Re: The liar's bench

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jon1163 wrote:
HDNB wrote:the thing that changed is the traffic. 30, 40 (50 for some you codgers) years ago there was a lot less retards on the road. It's hard enough dodging these clueless twats when yer sober these days.
I'd be more comfortable riding with an drunk ole trucker, smoke in one hand, coffee in the other with a newspaper stretched out over the steering wheel than i would be with today's soccer mom and her ever lovin' iphone.
I'll tell your brother I was trying walk my way around the city the other day, mind you I avoid the Republic of Seattle like the plague, but I kept running into these zombies walking around with their heads in their phones. I just don't get it. I think it might be even be worse than DUI
Yeah it's bad here too, think I'm gonna weld me one of those big redneck pipe bumpers to the front of my truck, and get me one of those long cb attenas and hook it to my side window so I can bend it over and smack those zombies on the ass that get to close to my ol truck. That ought to get em off the phone!

On another note, Don't forget when you put two cases of empty jars on the back of your truck and go to the store and buy 100 lbs of sugar. Dumbest shit I ever done when I wasn't making liquer. Sure was swearing at myself driving home.

Where's that marine? He off burning up some poor girls crotch with vicks vapor rub again? Need to know how to verify a marine is really a marine not blowing me a line of bullshit. I'm sure they got some type of Semper Fi codeword.

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Re: The liar's bench

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I don’t kno of any code word, when a co or speaker says semiper fi- it is to be repeated by those listening, but dunno of any code.
Ask them what unit they served in- ex which battalion and regiment. Almost every regiment has a signature motto. He should be able to report last active rank, motto, and individual serial number immediately. U don’t forget ur unit , your brothers or your commanding officers. And it’s not top secret so he should have no issue telling you this. I served 2 tours active- one in Khandahar, and one in Ahmadpur(eastern Pakistan). Both under the 2nd battalion ,8th regiment infantry close division. My highest and last active rank was e6- ss or staff sergeant. Our mottos were “ not for self, but country” ..and “front towards enemy” bc one out of every 5 or 6 was a demo junky or an explosives guru. I couldn’t be more proud of some of the good things we accomplished ( although few over there appreciate or even want what help we provided) to me politics didn’t matter. Other than that I don’t talk about what we were tasked to do there. It was hot, bullets flew by from cowards hiding behind rocks a mile away . They hide n holes and shoot when ur back is turned, and when they’re comrades are taking heavy fire, they’d toss a 90 yr old ak down n run to you n beg to give u information. It sucked.. that’s all. Anyway I hope that helps.
Anyway it’s time for one more grain mash before peaches start here- too damn hot to cook corn all night anyway- I’m ready for peach brandy season!! I hope to meet some you guys at S3-18 this yr!!
semper fi
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