Jokes

Little or nothing to do with distillation.

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cob
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Re: Jokes

Post by cob » Mon Feb 08, 2021 8:16 pm

Tater wrote:
Mon Feb 08, 2021 4:40 pm
Recken that might be a Rad mobile
booze out the nose still hurts.
be water my friend

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Bushman
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Re: Jokes

Post by Bushman » Tue Feb 09, 2021 3:44 am

Funny that that image didn’t come to mind when I first saw the picture Tater but really fits.

The Baker
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Re: Jokes

Post by The Baker » Tue Feb 09, 2021 7:36 am

stillanoob wrote:
Mon Feb 08, 2021 12:55 pm
So in Australia that would be dunny buggy? Perhaps our down under friends could elucidate.
Elucidate, maybe.

Eliminate, no.

Neat picture.

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Re: Jokes

Post by Windswept » Tue Feb 09, 2021 12:33 pm

reminds me of a newfie two-holer!
If I didn't learn the hard way, I wouldn't learn at all!

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Re: Jokes

Post by The Baker » Tue Feb 09, 2021 4:58 pm

Windswept wrote:
Tue Feb 09, 2021 12:33 pm
reminds me of a newfie two-holer!
They were friendly, weren't they?

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goinbroke2
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Re: Jokes

Post by goinbroke2 » Wed Feb 10, 2021 9:54 am

The wife yelled at me to stop singing “I’m a believer” by the monkeys. I thought she was kidding,

And then I saw her face.....
Numerous 57L kegs, some propane, one 220v electric with stilldragon controller. Keggle for all-Grain, two pot still tops for whisky, a 3" reflux with deflag for vodka. Coming up, a 4" perf plate column. Life is short, make whisky and drag race!

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Re: Jokes

Post by Zeotropic » Fri Feb 12, 2021 11:00 pm

Its like winter got mad and stormed out then keeps coming back saying "And another thing!".

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Yonder
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Re: Jokes

Post by Yonder » Fri Feb 12, 2021 11:06 pm

goinbroke2 wrote:
Wed Feb 10, 2021 9:54 am
The wife yelled at me to stop singing “I’m a believer” by the monkeys. I thought she was kidding,

And then I saw her face.....
:lol: :clap: :clap:
Double, Double, toil and trouble. Fire Burn and pot still bubble.

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Bushman
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Re: Jokes

Post by Bushman » Sat Feb 13, 2021 5:14 am

goinbroke2 wrote:
Wed Feb 10, 2021 9:54 am
The wife yelled at me to stop singing “I’m a believer” by the monkeys. I thought she was kidding,

And then I saw her face.....
Words in a song......reminds me a few years ago I saw my high school girl friend and how she had changed over the years. Reminded me of the Garth Brook song: Thank God for Unanswered Prayers.

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heynonny
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Re: Jokes

Post by heynonny » Sun Feb 14, 2021 12:34 pm

I figure a bunch of red-neck moonshiners will get this! Or maybe not!
need money 4 test.jpg
  
 
 
       Oh,look!! Its a hole in the space-time contuum!!

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cranky
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Re: Jokes

Post by cranky » Sun Feb 14, 2021 5:43 pm

This isn't really a joke because it actually happened but it's funny just the same.

A couple of days ago I was on my way home from work when my wife asked me to stop at the dollar store and buy some Vaseline and a thank you card.

I didn't think anything of it because we give Vaseline to our cat for hairballs... not sure what the thank you card is for but women seem to like to send them to people.

So, no problem, the dollar store is right on my way so I stopped. When I got to the checkout the cashier, an older lady said "Honey, you really should use water based lube"

I just died laughing :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Bushman
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Re: Jokes

Post by Bushman » Sun Feb 14, 2021 6:59 pm

Cranky, thanks I saw that coming as soon as I read the words “thank you card”.

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cranky
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Re: Jokes

Post by cranky » Mon Feb 15, 2021 5:31 am

Bushman wrote:
Sun Feb 14, 2021 6:59 pm
Cranky, thanks I saw that coming as soon as I read the words “thank you card”.
I should have seen it coming as soon as my wife told me to pick them up :roll: I guess the cashier thought I was getting something special for Valentines :lol: Funny thing is my wife and I don't celebrate Valentines but today is a holiday I can get behind... Today is Discount Flower Day!!!!!!!! :ebiggrin:

I actually buy my wife flowers every week except the two weeks leading up to Valentines because in those 2 weeks the price of flowers triples :thumbdown:

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Bushman
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Re: Jokes

Post by Bushman » Mon Feb 15, 2021 9:25 am

A195654E-97FD-4921-93A8-18EBD5096913.jpeg
Thought this was kind of funny!

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Re: Jokes

Post by shadylane » Mon Feb 15, 2021 9:30 am

a10afbac925a_4360.jpg

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Re: Jokes

Post by Setsumi » Mon Feb 15, 2021 9:42 am

ja, and as soon as they can open the fridge you have even more trouble
My first flute
My press
My twins
My controller
My wife tells me I fell from heaven covered in white. Why did they let me fall?

SnowJeeper
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Re: Jokes

Post by SnowJeeper » Mon Feb 15, 2021 12:36 pm

For Valentines Day, I decided to get my wife some beads for an abacus.

It's the little things that count.

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Re: Jokes

Post by goinbroke2 » Tue Feb 16, 2021 7:34 am

They say humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

I thought that sounds about right, don’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Numerous 57L kegs, some propane, one 220v electric with stilldragon controller. Keggle for all-Grain, two pot still tops for whisky, a 3" reflux with deflag for vodka. Coming up, a 4" perf plate column. Life is short, make whisky and drag race!

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Re: Jokes

Post by Bryan1 » Tue Feb 16, 2021 6:37 pm

Derek goes out drinking with his friends one night and gets blackout drunk.
He wakes up the next morning to find that he has lost his credit card. He needs to get it back, but he got so drunk that he doesn’t remember which bar he ended up at. The only thing he remembers is that the bar had a golden toilet.
He walks downtown and goes into one bar and asked the bartender, “Excuse me, I know this is a weird question, but do you happen to have a golden toilet here?"
A golden toilet? I don’t think so,” the bartender said, giving him a strange look.
The man walked into another bar,” Excuse me, you don’t happen to have a golden toilet here, do you?” said Derek.
“A golden toilet, huh? Don’t be ridiculous.”
This continues all day until finally Derek walks into a bar all the way on the other side of town.
He asks the bartender: “Excuse me, I know this is going to sound strange, but do you have a golden toilet here? I got really drunk last night and left my credit card at a bar with a golden toilet.”
The bartender smiles, turns around and yells, “Hey Bob, I think we found the guy who took a shit in your tuba!"

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Bushman
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Re: Jokes

Post by Bushman » Thu Feb 18, 2021 3:10 pm

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, ‘Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.’

'I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,’ says Grandpa. ‘How about a demonstration?’ The auditor thinks for a moment and said, ‘Okay. Go ahead.’ Grandpa says, ‘I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.’ The auditor thinks a moment and says, ‘It’s a bet.’ Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops……

Grandpa says, ‘Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.’ Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

‘Want to go double or nothing?’ Grandpa asks ‘I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.’ The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa’s own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

‘Are you okay?’ the auditor asks.

‘Not really,’ says the attorney. ‘This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it.

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Bushman
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Re: Jokes

Post by Bushman » Fri Feb 19, 2021 9:57 am

F5491AE2-06D2-4315-8F22-F13DBBABD864.jpeg

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TDick
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Re: Jokes

Post by TDick » Sat Feb 20, 2021 6:00 am

Wasn't sure if here or over on that @#%#% weather thread.
2-1.jpg

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HDNB
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Re: Jokes

Post by HDNB » Sat Feb 20, 2021 12:16 pm

i just walked out behind the barn and saw a couple cows smoking a joint and playing cards.

you know it...the steaks were pretty high.
I finally quit drinking for good.

now i drink for evil.

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Durhommer
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Re: Jokes

Post by Durhommer » Sat Feb 20, 2021 12:19 pm

My daughter is driving now....that's the joke
You have two ears and one mouth for a reason....

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cranky
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Re: Jokes

Post by cranky » Mon Feb 22, 2021 7:16 pm

My life is like toilet paper

I'm either on a roll or I'm taking crap from somebody :shock:

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Bushman
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Re: Jokes

Post by Bushman » Mon Feb 22, 2021 7:56 pm

F72FF0A0-F325-4955-BA5D-8A69A43AE7BA.jpeg

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contrahead
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Re: Jokes

Post by contrahead » Tue Feb 23, 2021 6:48 pm

thumbnaild.jpg
Omnia mea mecum porto

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goinbroke2
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Re: Jokes

Post by goinbroke2 » Wed Feb 24, 2021 11:01 am

It takes a pretty brave man to admit his wife is wrong.
Numerous 57L kegs, some propane, one 220v electric with stilldragon controller. Keggle for all-Grain, two pot still tops for whisky, a 3" reflux with deflag for vodka. Coming up, a 4" perf plate column. Life is short, make whisky and drag race!

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goinbroke2
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Re: Jokes

Post by goinbroke2 » Wed Feb 24, 2021 12:13 pm

The first rule of condescension class is kinda complex and I don’t think you’d understand if I explained it to you anyway.
Numerous 57L kegs, some propane, one 220v electric with stilldragon controller. Keggle for all-Grain, two pot still tops for whisky, a 3" reflux with deflag for vodka. Coming up, a 4" perf plate column. Life is short, make whisky and drag race!

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goinbroke2
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Re: Jokes

Post by goinbroke2 » Wed Feb 24, 2021 12:16 pm

7D0D4035-526E-44C3-BA58-0409777EDCE8.jpeg
Numerous 57L kegs, some propane, one 220v electric with stilldragon controller. Keggle for all-Grain, two pot still tops for whisky, a 3" reflux with deflag for vodka. Coming up, a 4" perf plate column. Life is short, make whisky and drag race!

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