Why do blonds always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
Jokes
Moderator: Site Moderator
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punkin
- Master of Distillation
- Posts: 2711
- Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2007 12:36 pm
- Location: Northern NSW Oz Trail Ya
Re: Jokes
God tater, all i did was encourage you by reporting your lame jokes....tater wrote:How do you keep a blonds busy for hours?
Write "Please turn over" on both sides of a piece of paper.
Re: Jokes
Dont like my post punkin .Just dont read them. And by the way the reporting icon should only be used for real problems on board.Tks------------------------------- Q: Why does a blond have T.G.I.F. on the front of her shirt?
A: Tits Go In Front.
And by the way the reporting icon should only be used for real problems on board.Tks------------------------------- Q: Why does a blond have T.G.I.F. on the front of her shirt? A: Tits Go In Front.
I use a pot still.Sometimes with a thumper
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punkin
- Master of Distillation
- Posts: 2711
- Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2007 12:36 pm
- Location: Northern NSW Oz Trail Ya
Re: Jokes
tater wrote:Dont like my post punkin .Just dont read them.
A: Tits Go In Front.
It's a joke, son, i say, it's a joke......
- itsajokeson.jpg (18.2 KiB) Viewed 3273 times
Hope i haven't risked the national security
IEvenPostedInTheJokeSectionTooPunkin
Re: Jokes
How about the blonde that got a sea shell tattooed on her inner thigh and told her boyfriend "if you put your ear there you can smell the ocean"
“What’s money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do.” -Bob Dylan
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Thirsty Bob
- Novice
- Posts: 50
- Joined: Wed Dec 03, 2008 10:51 pm
Re: Jokes
One for the Brits........
A white horse walks into a bar, sits on a stool and orders a pint.
The bartender serves up the ale and tries to make conversation:
"Y'know, we have a whiskey named after you."
The horse replies, "Wot? Eric?"
A white horse walks into a bar, sits on a stool and orders a pint.
The bartender serves up the ale and tries to make conversation:
"Y'know, we have a whiskey named after you."
The horse replies, "Wot? Eric?"
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The Chemist
- Trainee
- Posts: 966
- Joined: Mon Jan 24, 2005 1:29 pm
- Location: Louisiana
Re: Jokes
One for the Brits deserves another:
A farmer goes out to his field one morning only to find all of his Cows frozen solid. As far as the eye can see are cows, motionless like statues.
It had been a bitterly cold night, but he'd never thought anything like this would happen.
The realisation of the situation then dawned on him.With his entire livestock gone, how would he make ends meet? How would he feed his wife and kids? How would he pay the mortgage? He sat with his head in his hands, trying to come to terms with his impending poverty.
Just then, an elderly woman walked by, 'What's the matter?' asked the old lady.
The farmer gestured toward the frozen cows and explained his predicament to the woman.
Without hesitation the old woman smiled and began to rub one of the cows noses. After a few seconds the cow began to twitch and was soon back to normal and chewing the cud.
One by one, the old woman defrosted the cows until the whole field was full of healthy animals. The farmer was delighted and asked the woman what she wanted as a repayment for her deed.
She declined his offer and walked off across the field. A passer-by who had witnessed the whole thing approached the farmer. 'You know who that was don't you?' asked the passer-by.
'No' said the farmer 'who is she?'
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Thora Hird...
A farmer goes out to his field one morning only to find all of his Cows frozen solid. As far as the eye can see are cows, motionless like statues.
It had been a bitterly cold night, but he'd never thought anything like this would happen.
The realisation of the situation then dawned on him.With his entire livestock gone, how would he make ends meet? How would he feed his wife and kids? How would he pay the mortgage? He sat with his head in his hands, trying to come to terms with his impending poverty.
Just then, an elderly woman walked by, 'What's the matter?' asked the old lady.
The farmer gestured toward the frozen cows and explained his predicament to the woman.
Without hesitation the old woman smiled and began to rub one of the cows noses. After a few seconds the cow began to twitch and was soon back to normal and chewing the cud.
One by one, the old woman defrosted the cows until the whole field was full of healthy animals. The farmer was delighted and asked the woman what she wanted as a repayment for her deed.
She declined his offer and walked off across the field. A passer-by who had witnessed the whole thing approached the farmer. 'You know who that was don't you?' asked the passer-by.
'No' said the farmer 'who is she?'
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Thora Hird...
Purposeful motion, for one so insane...
Re: Jokes
Here is TRUE paranoia:
A guy was at a football game when about halfway through, he heard: "Hey
Steve!". He stands up, looks around, doesn't see anyone he know's, so he
sit's back down. This happens four more times by the fourth quarter. The
next time he hears the guy scream "Hey Steve!", he stands up and yells
back: "My name's not Steve!"
-hey-
A guy was at a football game when about halfway through, he heard: "Hey
Steve!". He stands up, looks around, doesn't see anyone he know's, so he
sit's back down. This happens four more times by the fourth quarter. The
next time he hears the guy scream "Hey Steve!", he stands up and yells
back: "My name's not Steve!"
-hey-
Oh,look!! Its a hole in the space-time contuum!!
Re: Jokes
An armed hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash.
On his way out the door with the loot one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.
The robber shoots the guy in the head without hesitation!
He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him.
One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him in the head also. Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.
Did anyone else see my face?' calls the robber.
There is a few moments silence then one elderly Irish gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says:
'I think me wife may have caught a glimpse ....'
On his way out the door with the loot one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.
The robber shoots the guy in the head without hesitation!
He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him.
One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him in the head also. Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.
Did anyone else see my face?' calls the robber.
There is a few moments silence then one elderly Irish gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says:
'I think me wife may have caught a glimpse ....'
Re: Jokes
The Brothel
The madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
'May I help you sir?' she asked.
'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.
'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else', said the madam.
'No, I must see Valerie,' he replied.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left. The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. But there were no discounts. The price was still $5000. Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left. The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs. After their session, Valerie said to the man, 'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?'
The man replied, ' Ontario .'
'Really', she said. 'I have family in Ontario .'
'I know.' the man said. 'Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.'
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
The madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
'May I help you sir?' she asked.
'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.
'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else', said the madam.
'No, I must see Valerie,' he replied.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left. The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. But there were no discounts. The price was still $5000. Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left. The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs. After their session, Valerie said to the man, 'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?'
The man replied, ' Ontario .'
'Really', she said. 'I have family in Ontario .'
'I know.' the man said. 'Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.'
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
15 gallon pot still, 2"x18" column with liebeg condensor on propane.
Modified Charles 803 w/ 50gal boiler, never ran so far.
Modified Charles 803 w/ 50gal boiler, never ran so far.
Re: Jokes
A bum, who obviously has seen more than his share of hard times, approaches a well-dressed gentleman on the street. "Hey, Buddy, can you spare two dollars?"
The well-dressed gentleman responds, "You are not going to spend it on liquor are you?"
"No, sir, I don't drink," retorts the bum.
"You are not going to throw it away in some fishing gear, are you?" asks them gentleman.
"No way, I don't fish," answers the bum.
"You wouldn't waste the money on a hunting license, would you?" asks the man.
"Never," says the bum, "I don't hunt."
The man asks the bum if he would like to come home with him for a home cooked meal. The bum accepts eagerly.
While they are heading for the man's house, the bum's curiosity gets the better of him. "Isn't your wife going to be angry when she sees a guy like me at your table?"
"Probably," says the man, "but it will be worth it. I want her to see what happens to a guy who doesn't drink, fish or hunt."
The well-dressed gentleman responds, "You are not going to spend it on liquor are you?"
"No, sir, I don't drink," retorts the bum.
"You are not going to throw it away in some fishing gear, are you?" asks them gentleman.
"No way, I don't fish," answers the bum.
"You wouldn't waste the money on a hunting license, would you?" asks the man.
"Never," says the bum, "I don't hunt."
The man asks the bum if he would like to come home with him for a home cooked meal. The bum accepts eagerly.
While they are heading for the man's house, the bum's curiosity gets the better of him. "Isn't your wife going to be angry when she sees a guy like me at your table?"
"Probably," says the man, "but it will be worth it. I want her to see what happens to a guy who doesn't drink, fish or hunt."
15 gallon pot still, 2"x18" column with liebeg condensor on propane.
Modified Charles 803 w/ 50gal boiler, never ran so far.
Modified Charles 803 w/ 50gal boiler, never ran so far.
Re: Jokes
Redneck dictionary, Handsome.
After a while, when the woman's jaw gets a little tired, you can tell her that she can use her hand some
H.
After a while, when the woman's jaw gets a little tired, you can tell her that she can use her hand some
H.
Hillbilly Rebel: Unless you are one of the people on this site who are legalling distilling, keep a low profile, don't tell, don't sell.
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The Chemist
- Trainee
- Posts: 966
- Joined: Mon Jan 24, 2005 1:29 pm
- Location: Louisiana
Re: Jokes
A lady opens her door to find a well-dressed young man holding a vacuum cleaner.
"Go away!! I don't want to buy no vacuum cleaner. My husband got laid off, the stock market trouble has cleaned us out, and we don't have anything left. We're flat broke and the old vacuum will do us for a long while yet!" she says, trying to close the door.
But the young man quickly sticks his foot in, whips around and dumps a bucket of manure on her hall carpet, saying, "Ma'am, when you see how amazing this vacuum is, I just know you'll find a way to pay the relatively little we're asking for such a machine! To show you how much I believe in this product, I'm going to clean that manure, and whatever it doesn't pick up, with just ONE pass, I'll EAT!!"
The lady replies, "I hope you've got one hell of an appetite...they turned off our power this morning..."
"Go away!! I don't want to buy no vacuum cleaner. My husband got laid off, the stock market trouble has cleaned us out, and we don't have anything left. We're flat broke and the old vacuum will do us for a long while yet!" she says, trying to close the door.
But the young man quickly sticks his foot in, whips around and dumps a bucket of manure on her hall carpet, saying, "Ma'am, when you see how amazing this vacuum is, I just know you'll find a way to pay the relatively little we're asking for such a machine! To show you how much I believe in this product, I'm going to clean that manure, and whatever it doesn't pick up, with just ONE pass, I'll EAT!!"
The lady replies, "I hope you've got one hell of an appetite...they turned off our power this morning..."
Purposeful motion, for one so insane...
Re: Jokes
A drunk is sitting in a bar. There is a very buxom
blonde a few seats down from him with breasts size
44DD'S.
A fellow at the end of the bar calls for a beer. The
bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It
hits the lady's breasts and spills all over them. The
bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the
beer off of her breasts.
This happens a couple more times.
The next time, the drunk jumps up and starts to lick
her breasts. She decks him! He's laying on the floor
moaning and groaning.
'Why do you let the bartender do it?'
'Because he has.............
A LICKER LICENSE!
blonde a few seats down from him with breasts size
44DD'S.
A fellow at the end of the bar calls for a beer. The
bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It
hits the lady's breasts and spills all over them. The
bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the
beer off of her breasts.
This happens a couple more times.
The next time, the drunk jumps up and starts to lick
her breasts. She decks him! He's laying on the floor
moaning and groaning.
'Why do you let the bartender do it?'
'Because he has.............
A LICKER LICENSE!
I use a pot still.Sometimes with a thumper
Re: Jokes
Sitting together on a train traveling through the Canadian Rockies
were a fellow from Western Canada, a fellow from Quebec , a little old
lady and a young blonde girl with large breasts.
The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later, there is
the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the
fellow from Quebec has a bright red hand print on his cheek. No one
speaks.
The little old lady thinks: The fellow from Quebec must have
groped the blonde in the dark and she slapped his cheek.
The blonde girl thinks: That fellow from Quebec must have tried to
grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek.
The fellow from Quebec thinks: That fellow from Western Canada
must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but
missed and got me instead.
The fellow from Western Canada thinks: I can't wait for another
tunnel so I can smack that asshole from Quebec again.
were a fellow from Western Canada, a fellow from Quebec , a little old
lady and a young blonde girl with large breasts.
The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later, there is
the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the
fellow from Quebec has a bright red hand print on his cheek. No one
speaks.
The little old lady thinks: The fellow from Quebec must have
groped the blonde in the dark and she slapped his cheek.
The blonde girl thinks: That fellow from Quebec must have tried to
grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek.
The fellow from Quebec thinks: That fellow from Western Canada
must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but
missed and got me instead.
The fellow from Western Canada thinks: I can't wait for another
tunnel so I can smack that asshole from Quebec again.
I don't care if you lick windows,
take the special bus
or occasionally pee on yourself..
You hang in there sunshine, you're friggin' special
take the special bus
or occasionally pee on yourself..
You hang in there sunshine, you're friggin' special
Re: Jokes
A man and his wife moved back home to Newfoundland, From Toronto. The
wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Ontario was $2000.00 a year!
When they arrived in Newfoundland, they went to an Insurance agency to see
how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg.
The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, '$39.00.'
The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in
Newfoundland to insure, because it cost him $2000.00 in Ontario !
The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here
it Is on the screen,it says:
*Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is $39.00.*
wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Ontario was $2000.00 a year!
When they arrived in Newfoundland, they went to an Insurance agency to see
how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg.
The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, '$39.00.'
The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in
Newfoundland to insure, because it cost him $2000.00 in Ontario !
The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here
it Is on the screen,it says:
*Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is $39.00.*
I use a pot still.Sometimes with a thumper
Re: Jokes
Have to love those Newfies.tater wrote:*Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is $39.00.*
I don't care if you lick windows,
take the special bus
or occasionally pee on yourself..
You hang in there sunshine, you're friggin' special
take the special bus
or occasionally pee on yourself..
You hang in there sunshine, you're friggin' special
Re: Jokes
A VERY ugly man walks into the bar with a big grin on his face and orders a draft beer.
'What are you so happy about?' asks the barman.
'Well, I'll tell you,' replies the ugly man. 'You know, I live by the railroad tracks. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the films. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!
'Fantastic!' exclaimed the barman. 'You lucky bastard, was she pretty?
"Dunno............Never found the head! "
'What are you so happy about?' asks the barman.
'Well, I'll tell you,' replies the ugly man. 'You know, I live by the railroad tracks. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the films. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!
'Fantastic!' exclaimed the barman. 'You lucky bastard, was she pretty?
"Dunno............Never found the head! "
I use a pot still.Sometimes with a thumper
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blanikdog
- Angel's Share
- Posts: 4545
- Joined: Tue Aug 09, 2005 11:55 pm
- Location: Bullamakanka, Oztrailya
Re: Jokes
Bloody hell tater, that's awful. 
blanik
blanik
Simple potstiller. Slow, single run.
(50 litre, propane heated pot still. Coil in bucket condenser - No thermometer, No carbon)
The Reading Lounge AND the Rules We Live By should be compulsory reading
Cumudgeon and loving it.
(50 litre, propane heated pot still. Coil in bucket condenser - No thermometer, No carbon)
The Reading Lounge AND the Rules We Live By should be compulsory reading
Cumudgeon and loving it.
Re: Jokes
A cop is patrolling Lover's Lane when he sees the strangest thing. A young teenage couple is sitting in a car, the guy in the front and the girl in the back. The guy is reading a magazine and the girl appears to be knitting.
He stops the patrol car and walks over to knock on the young man's window. He rolls the window down.
"Yes officer?"
"I have to ask you, what are you doing?"
"Well sir, I am reading a magazine."
"What about the young lady in the backseat?"
The young man turns to look behind him. "Well, I think she is knitting a pullover sweater."
"How old are you young man?" the officer asks.
"I am 25 Officer."
"And the girl?"
The young man looks at his watch. "Well, she'll be 18 in 11 minutes."
He stops the patrol car and walks over to knock on the young man's window. He rolls the window down.
"Yes officer?"
"I have to ask you, what are you doing?"
"Well sir, I am reading a magazine."
"What about the young lady in the backseat?"
The young man turns to look behind him. "Well, I think she is knitting a pullover sweater."
"How old are you young man?" the officer asks.
"I am 25 Officer."
"And the girl?"
The young man looks at his watch. "Well, she'll be 18 in 11 minutes."
Oh,look!! Its a hole in the space-time contuum!!
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The Tippler
- Novice
- Posts: 33
- Joined: Fri Oct 24, 2008 8:37 pm
Re: Jokes
Even if you don't own a dog, you'll appreciate the efforts of this owner to sell her dog.
Read the sales pitch!!!!! * Dog for sale
* Free to good home
* Excellent guard dog
* Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore as there are no
more thieves,murderers or molesters left in the neighborhood
for him to eat
* Most of them knew him as Holy Shit
Read the sales pitch!!!!! * Dog for sale
* Free to good home
* Excellent guard dog
* Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore as there are no
more thieves,murderers or molesters left in the neighborhood
for him to eat
* Most of them knew him as Holy Shit
Re: Jokes
Ole is a farmer in Minnesota . He is in need of a new milk cow and hears
about a nice one for sale over in Nordakota (that would be North Dakota for
you non-Scandahoovians out there).
He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow. He reaches
under to see if the cow gives milk. When he grabs a teat and pulls...the cow
farts. Surprised, Ole looks at the farmer who's selling the cow, then
reaches under to try again. He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts
again. Milk does come out however, so after some discussion with the cow's
current owner, Ole decides to buy the cow.
When he gets back to Minnesota, he calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says,
'Hey, Sven, come and look at dis ere new cow I yust bought. Pull her teat,
and see vat happens.'
Sven reaches under, pulls the teat...the cow farts. Sven looks at Ole and
says, 'You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, didn't yah?'
Ole is very surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip.
Ole replies, 'Yah, dats right. But how did yah know?'
Sven says, 'My wife is from Nordakota.'
about a nice one for sale over in Nordakota (that would be North Dakota for
you non-Scandahoovians out there).
He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow. He reaches
under to see if the cow gives milk. When he grabs a teat and pulls...the cow
farts. Surprised, Ole looks at the farmer who's selling the cow, then
reaches under to try again. He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts
again. Milk does come out however, so after some discussion with the cow's
current owner, Ole decides to buy the cow.
When he gets back to Minnesota, he calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says,
'Hey, Sven, come and look at dis ere new cow I yust bought. Pull her teat,
and see vat happens.'
Sven reaches under, pulls the teat...the cow farts. Sven looks at Ole and
says, 'You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, didn't yah?'
Ole is very surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip.
Ole replies, 'Yah, dats right. But how did yah know?'
Sven says, 'My wife is from Nordakota.'
I use a pot still.Sometimes with a thumper
-
Ugly
Re: Jokes
Bartender looks down to the end of the bar and sees a guy with his head down who hasn't touched his drink for over a half an hour. He heads over to talk to him.
Bartender: "Hey pal, is something wrong?"
The Guy: "Yeah, I'm really depressed"
Bartender: "Why, what's the matter?"
The Guy: "I caught my wife in bed with my best friend"
Bartender: "Wow, that's horrible. What did you do?"
The Guy: "I kicked her out of the house, sent her packing, it's over"
Bartender: "That's pretty drastic, what did you do to your best friend?"
The Guy: "I sat him down, tied him up, looked him straight in the eye and said....
Bad Dog! Bad Dog!"
Bartender: "Hey pal, is something wrong?"
The Guy: "Yeah, I'm really depressed"
Bartender: "Why, what's the matter?"
The Guy: "I caught my wife in bed with my best friend"
Bartender: "Wow, that's horrible. What did you do?"
The Guy: "I kicked her out of the house, sent her packing, it's over"
Bartender: "That's pretty drastic, what did you do to your best friend?"
The Guy: "I sat him down, tied him up, looked him straight in the eye and said....
Bad Dog! Bad Dog!"
Re: Jokes
Biker Chili
A duded-up city rider walks into a seedy tavern in Sturgis, SD.
He sits at the bar and notices a grizzled old biker with his arms folded,
staring blankly at a full bowl of chili.
After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the newby rider
bravely asks the old biker,
'If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?'
The old veteran of a thousand rides slowly turns his head toward the young
pup and says, 'Nah, you go ahead.' Eagerly, the
guy wearing the shiny new leather fashions reaches over and slides the bowl
into his place and starts spooning it in with delight.
He gets nearly down to the bottom of the bowl and notices a dead mouse in
the chilli. The sight was very shocking and he
immediately barfed up the chili back into the bowl.
The old biker quietly says, 'Yep, that's as far as I got, too.'!
-hey-
A duded-up city rider walks into a seedy tavern in Sturgis, SD.
He sits at the bar and notices a grizzled old biker with his arms folded,
staring blankly at a full bowl of chili.
After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the newby rider
bravely asks the old biker,
'If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?'
The old veteran of a thousand rides slowly turns his head toward the young
pup and says, 'Nah, you go ahead.' Eagerly, the
guy wearing the shiny new leather fashions reaches over and slides the bowl
into his place and starts spooning it in with delight.
He gets nearly down to the bottom of the bowl and notices a dead mouse in
the chilli. The sight was very shocking and he
immediately barfed up the chili back into the bowl.
The old biker quietly says, 'Yep, that's as far as I got, too.'!
-hey-
Oh,look!! Its a hole in the space-time contuum!!
Re: Jokes
> Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at
>the White House
> in D.C.; One from Illinois one from Tennessee and a
>third from
> Kentucky. They all go with a White House official to
>examine the
> fence.
>
>
> The Tennessee contractor takes out a tape measure and
>does some
> measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.
>'Well', he says, 'I
> figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials,
>$400 for my
> crew and $100 profit for me.'
>
>
> The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and
>figuring, then
> says, 'I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials,
>$300 for my
> crew and $100 profit for me.'
>
>
> The Illinois contractor doesn't measure or figure, but
>leans over to
> the White House official and whispers, '$2,700.'
>
>
> The official, incredulous, whispers back, 'You didn't
>even measure
> like the other guys! How did you come up with such a
>high figure?'
>
>
> The Illinois contractor whispers back, '$1000 for me,
>$1000 for you,
> and we hire that guy from Kentucky to fix the fence.'
>
>
> 'Done!' replies the government official.
>
>
> And that my friends, is how it all works!!!
>
>
>the White House
> in D.C.; One from Illinois one from Tennessee and a
>third from
> Kentucky. They all go with a White House official to
>examine the
> fence.
>
>
> The Tennessee contractor takes out a tape measure and
>does some
> measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.
>'Well', he says, 'I
> figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials,
>$400 for my
> crew and $100 profit for me.'
>
>
> The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and
>figuring, then
> says, 'I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials,
>$300 for my
> crew and $100 profit for me.'
>
>
> The Illinois contractor doesn't measure or figure, but
>leans over to
> the White House official and whispers, '$2,700.'
>
>
> The official, incredulous, whispers back, 'You didn't
>even measure
> like the other guys! How did you come up with such a
>high figure?'
>
>
> The Illinois contractor whispers back, '$1000 for me,
>$1000 for you,
> and we hire that guy from Kentucky to fix the fence.'
>
>
> 'Done!' replies the government official.
>
>
> And that my friends, is how it all works!!!
>
>
I use a pot still.Sometimes with a thumper
Re: Jokes
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'