The liar's bench

[heartcut]

Didn't understand till my boys became teenagers why lions sometimes eat their young.
I did get to know the local police a little better.
Now they have teenagers of their own.

[T-Pee]

Payback's a bitch, ain't it? And yes, there is a god.

tp

[Jimbo]

haha, +1 to them last couple posts. Amen.

[heartcut]

I enjoy listening and sympathizing without having to take action. Hee hee.

[Truckinbutch]

Payback's a bitch, ain't it? And yes, there is a god.

tp

LMAO ! I have my grandkids quite a bit during the day while their parents work . Just before Mom or Dad comes to pick them up I load em up on coca cola and candy Yep , paybacks are a bitch .

[heartcut]

Payback's a bitch, ain't it? And yes, there is a god.

tp

LMAO ! I have my grandkids quite a bit during the day while their parents work . Just before Mom or Dad comes to pick them up I load em up on coca cola and candy Yep , paybacks are a bitch .

Tou're evil. I like that.

[heartcut]

Was working on the Gulf Coast, and a friend bought a bag of shrill, cheap plastic whistles. One Sunday we walked into a McDonalds, where he handed out whistles to every kid there. I was fighting back laughter and afraid we'd get killed as we left without any food. The room was at about 130 decibels and rising.

[moosemilk]

Part of my enjoyment after work is occasionally reading through a bit of the liar's bench. And for once I have control of the computer rather than trying to type on my phone, so I have a tale to contribute.

I swear, this is all true. Things like this you just can't make up.....

Many years ago, my best friend, more of a brother than friend as we grew up together, shared family birthdays together, etc, had a bright idea to make money. He was the type who always had a crazy idea, or story, one of those who had those unbelievable stories that always turned out to be true.

Well, his idea was one of those hot dog vendor carts. He obtained one, and secured a location outside of a local bar. Being his best friend, I of course went and helped out (and helped myself to the occasional free brat or smokie). Mainly, i went for the entertainment (being outside of a bar, there always was something going on).

One night, a few patrons were tossed out for fighting. Once outside, they began to yell, taunt, curse at each other. But they didn't get physical other than a bit of a shoving match back and forth. Another patron who was outside watching and apparently had too much to drink, decided to get involved. He started calling them out, various names, and then stepped in and said "i'll show you how to fight". Well the first thing this guy does is attempts to be Bruce Lee and take a kick at one of them. The recipient of the kick easily blocked it by grabbing the guys foot. Well what happened next blew everyone away...........

The "kicker" fell backwards.............leaving the recipient still holding his foot.....and half a leg! Yup! The guy had a prosthetic leg! But it didn't end there. The guy holding the leg ran over to the hopping drunk, got behind him, and began to use the prosthetic foot and leg to whack him in the backside! Not hard at all really, but enough to have us all laughing in tears, especially when he exclaimed as he tossed the guys leg back on the ground "NOW you know what happens to a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest"

Stuff like this just can't be made up.........the wonders of a bit of booze can provide some unforgettable entertainment.

For the record, even the guy with the prosthetic leg thought it hilarious, they shook hands, and the one legged man even stated "i don't know what in the hell i was thinking, but it sure wasn't getting my ass kicked with my own foot".

[Truckinbutch]

I'll send you a bill for having my keyboard cleaned , Moosemilk . The once white , now yellow stained , tennis shoes I will just throw away out of embarrassment

[moosemilk]

I'll send you a bill for having my keyboard cleaned , Moosemilk . The once white , now yellow stained , tennis shoes I will just throw away out of embarrassment

Glad you enjoyed and I could contribute to something which gives me a smile every day. Still got more from my old friend. He was a guy that could crawl through a manure pile and come out smelling of roses. I'll toss in more of these almost unbelievable yet true stories from time to time. We still tell his stories to each other even though we all know them by heart.

[Red Rim]

Moosemilk, I am gonna pick my arse up and give you my seat at the liars bench. A story like that and I will just shuffle over and here and lean against this post. That is some funny shit right there. If you can't laugh at that you should just get up and get right on outta here.

[Truckinbutch]

Red Rim , you just stay right where you are . We get too filled up and we will add more bench .
Moosemilk , many of us had a buddy like your's growin up . I'm fortunate enough to still have mine . He is the absolute reincarnation of Huckleberry Finn . Could steal your radio and leave your music if he didn't like you . A friend can trust him with his life . I put a value on that kind of loyalty . Not much of it around these days .

[T-Pee]

One of my other hobbies is flying radio-controlled gliders from cliffs and hilltops. It's called slope soaring and is the electro/mechanical equivalent of how seagulls and pelicans fly at the coast without beating their wings. Many of our inland flying sites can be pretty rough populated by rocks, brush and lots of foxtails...a type of weed that has an arrow-shaped seed with hairs that make it burrow into socks, shoes and anything else they attach to. They're murder on pets when they get into a dog's coat and you get them all over the house that way.

One of the guys went flying one weekend, got into a bunch of these foxtails and when he got home dead tired he simply shucked his tennis shoes off outside and went to bed. Well, it rained that night and he completely forgot about his shoes for a good week or so.

This is what he found when he went looking for 'em:

tp

[ga flatwoods]

At least he is not letting the grass grow below his feet!

[T-Pee]

Bada-BING!

tp

[heartcut]

Hopping Karate to tennis shoe herbs, damn that's some funny stuff.

[thecroweater]

We use to stretch a pair of tight boots back in the day by filling them with wheat and tipping a pint of warm water in but hell , we didn't leave the wheat in til it was ready to harvest

[jedneck]

We use to stretch a pair of tight boots back in the day by filling them with wheat and tipping a pint of warm water in but hell , we didn't leave the wheat in til it was ready to harvest

Y'all mite be a shiner if you also use that same wheat for malt

[heartcut]

Dr Scholl's whiskey?

[Truckinbutch]

Dr Scholl's whiskey?

That ought to rate right up there with 'campfire sock coffee'.

[thecroweater]

Dr Scholl's whiskey?

That ought to rate right up there with 'campfire sock coffee'.

and whats wrong with sock coffee , ya know to use a clean sock yeah and if not still got more chance of me drinking it than the kopi luwak or black ivory coffee ...
cause I do understand sock coffee is for the serious coffee snob hobbo that is above chewing on grindins

[Truckinbutch]

Nothin wrong with either , Croweater . Just suggestin that neither is for the meek . Dirty socks make for a more robust coffee and leave you with the benefit of clean socks to put back on . There's some astringency associated with the coffee that also helps combat foot odors . Win/win situation .

[thecroweater]

and some of my coffee just came out my nose

[Truckinbutch]

and some of my coffee just came out my nose

Bit of a rough go , that But it does clear out the sinuses

[T-Pee]

Try Dr. Pepper next time. I hear it's made from prunes.

tp (re-"lax"ing)

[Red Rim]

Speaking of dirty socks....
In my Drinking/ Running club to keep people from taking themselves too seriously or being too materialistic, if you show up with new shoes on, you will have to drink beer from your shoe, but not until the end of the trail when your shoes are good and nasty. It is usually prefiltered through your sock. If you hide it, someone else's shoe will be provided for you.. Delicious!

[Truckinbutch]

"running club"? Why run ? You're only gonna die tired

[cob]

if you don't have a proper mustache to filter your cowboy coffee, i suppose a sock will do. not havin socks i have a proper mustache.

[cob]

One of my other hobbies is flying radio-controlled gliders from cliffs and hilltops. It's called slope soaring.tp

redtail hawk took out the tail group of my windspiel fantasy flying slopes with a thermal rig.
lost a wing tip getting it to ground. took 3 days to rebuild and get back up.

[Red Rim]

"running club"? Why run ? You're only gonna die tired

Its a drinking club with a running problem. One of the most entertaining things you can do with your clothes on. Ask Woodshed, he'll tell you. Run a few miles, drink a beer or two, chase people around the woods and sing nasty rugby songs... Oh yeah and there is boobs.