Jokes

[Jimbo]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/qKHeXC7L85s?rel=0" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;" rel="nofollow

[Red Rim]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/qKHeXC7L85s?rel=0

BwahahahahHA. Ha! Thanks for that!

[Tal]

Nasty weapons those jimbo!....just as well they aint loaded!

[Bushman]

This is why I don't hang out with Mary and Will anymore!

[heartcut]

Time for a replacement keyboard Jimbo, you heartless bastard!

[Tokoroa_Shiner]

Not really a joke. But funny none the less.

[Truckinbutch]

Shiner ,
It makes you wonder if these 'smart'(?) people ever proof read what they wrote More scary : they live amoungst us AND REPRODUCE !

[Tokoroa_Shiner]

That is a scary thought indeed. Although one would hope they are either not smart enough to reproduce. Or don't live long enough too.

[T-Pee]

ImageUploadedByTapatalk1403876954.447780.jpg

In honor of none other than tp

I'm in love.

tp (and his big brother)

[Tater]

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!"

The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party.

Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!"

Once again the battle was on. However, the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?"

The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid."

The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way.

The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!"

[Odin]

"We are sad to inform you that the course "How to deal with dissappointment" will not take place again."

[Jimbo]

The doc asked me if members of my family struggle with insanity. I said, no, we all seem to enjoy it.

[Tokoroa_Shiner]

[Bushman]

[The KYChemist]

Don't know if anybody has seen this guy yet, but he's hysterical. I love the concept, except for the whole drinking and driving part. It would be great for tailgates... Fresh tank, pump, and lines...

[Coyote]

***WARNING, PLEASE READ*** If someone comes to your front door and asks you to remove your clothes and dance with your arms in the air, DO NOT do this, it is a scam, they just want to see you naked. I wish I had received this yesterday, I feel stupid now ...

[Tokoroa_Shiner]

[Tater]

Skinny little white Irishman gets into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him... He looks down at the Irishman and says:
"7 ft tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown"

The little white Irishman faints dead away and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him......The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?"

In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you just say to me?"

The big dude says, "Well, I saw your curious look and I figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me................ I'm 7 ft tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each....and my name is Turner Brown"

The little white Irishman says:

"Turner Brown?!....Sweet Jesus.........I thought you said, "Turn around!"

[Bushman]

I wasn't going to post this but after Taters...

[Tal]

Speaking of tattoos

[Tal]

A little white guy is in a subway toilet quietly taking a piss when this big black guy races in, flops out his monster koozer and starts pissing at the same time saying "Whew...Just made it!" The white guy stares at the monster and says.."Well, make me one....only white!"

[heynonny]

"Turn around!"

[Tal]

This lady goes to the doc. "What seems to be the trouble?" says the doc. "I have a whistling fanny doc" the lady replied. With a puzzled look the doc told her to go behind the screen and put on a robe and come back and lay on the bed for him to take a look. When he opened the robe, sure enough the fanny whistled! "Well I never "said the doc, "I've never seen this problem before". "Well can you help me please" said the lady "It's very embarrassing for me, it just whistles whenever!" The doc explained that he didn't know what was the remedy but his brother was a specialist across the other side of the country and he would send him a tape recording of it and could she come back in two weeks time to see if they could help. Well two weeks passed and the lady came back and upon asking the doc if he had heard from his brother the doc said, "Yes my brother rang me and said it just sounded like some cunt whistling to him!"

[googe]

Two snakes slithering along, one says to the other, are we poisonous?, I dunno says his mate, why?, I just bit my tongue!.

[junkyard dawg]

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony was nothing special but the reception was excellent...

[jedneck]

An old bloke goes to his doctor for his physical
and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution.

When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist
is a very pretty female doctor.

The very pretty female doctor says,
"I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure
is a little different from what you are probably used to.

I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees,
then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say,


"99."



The old bloke obeys and says,


"99."



The doctor says, "Great", now turn over on your left side and again,
while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say,




"99."



Again, the old bloke says,



"99."


The doctor said, "Very good". Now then, I want you to lie on your back
with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to check your prostate
with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to
hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way.
Now take a deep breath and say,


"99."


The old bloke begins,


"One...


two...



three..."

[Odin]

To eat corn or not to eat corn, that's the question ...

[Tal]

Paddy is in this store one day looking around and says to the assistant" Whats that shoinee ting up der?" the assistant says "That's a thermos sir"..."Whats a termus?" asks Paddy..."You can keep hot food hot in it and cold food cold in it sir" came the reply...."Well i'll be buggered....I'll take one thanx" said Paddy. The next day Paddy's driving along when he see's Michael walking down the road and so he stops and gives him a ride. Micheal is just getting comfortable in his seat when he spots the thermos..."What's that shoinee ting Paddy?"..."That's a termos" say's Paddy..."What's a termos den?" asks Michael..."You can keep hot food hot in it and cold food cold in it" exclaims Paddy. "Well oil be buggered" says Michael, "What aya got in it den Paddy?"....Iv'e got two cups of tea and an icecream" says Paddy!.

[shadylane]

Six Truths of Life - The untested Theory

1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time; it's a physical impossibility.

2. All idiots, after reading #1 will try it.

3. And discover #1 is a lie.

4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot.

5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.

6. There is still a stupid smile on your face.

I sincerely apologize about this but I'm an idiot and I needed company.

[jedneck]

Two Irish nuns were sitting at traffic light in their car when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulls up alongside of them. "Hey, show us your tits, ye bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.

The Mother Superior turns to Sister Immaculata, "I don't think they know who we are - show them your cross."

So Sister Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Screw off ye little fookin wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"

Sister Immaculata looks back at the Mother Superior and asks, "Was that cross enough?"