The liar's bench

[corene1]

OK , my mistake , Again! From now on it will be , your ass, your butt , your backside or something a bit more direct. At least something more universally accepted.

[Antler24]

Anyone not familiar with the saying...Bob's your uncle

it's the same as saying everything is Hunky dory

Around here it's used in place of "that's it" or "that's all there is to it"

Go straight until ya see the church take a right 3rd door on the left and Bob's your uncle.

[Truckinbutch]

So many great replies that would be sooooooooo......... incorrect .
If ya don't say it ; ya don't get time out for it .
I'm learnin , Tater .

[Bigbob]

Howdy fellas! Here’s a tale of woe or a tale of joy depending on how it turns out. As you might know in another post here I have purchased property in southeast Oklahoma. Well...Tuesday night I got a call from my realtor, he said “I’m not sure what’s going on as I’m out of town, but the sellers realtor called and said your house is on fire. You might want to check on it”. Well since I’m 1500 miles away, I called my son who lives there and it was true. I now own 80 acres in Oklahoma without a house! Now the joy is, since I had to get insurance before the loan could be approved, hopefully I get a brand new house out of the deal. The woe is that, since the house was 30 years old, I’m not sure I will get the money to replace the house.
Will keep everyone posted. I haven’t even seen the place!!

[fizzix]

Howdy fellas! Here’s a tale of woe or a tale of joy depending on how it turns out. As you might know in another post here I have purchased property in southeast Oklahoma. Well...Tuesday night I got a call from my realtor, he said “I’m not sure what’s going on as I’m out of town, but the sellers realtor called and said your house is on fire. You might want to check on it”. Well since I’m 1500 miles away, I called my son who lives there and it was true. I now own 80 acres in Oklahoma without a house! Now the joy is, since I had to get insurance before the loan could be approved, hopefully I get a brand new house out of the deal. The woe is that, since the house was 30 years old, I’m not sure I will get the money to replace the house.
Will keep everyone posted. I haven’t even seen the place!!

My sympathies go out to you Bigbob. I can't even imagine...
Has a cause been found?

[Bigbob]

They said electrical, just seems funny that two days after it becomes mine it burns down

[HDNB]

Bet yer glad you didn't have a still plugged into that circuit!

every person i known (met) in that situation ended up being out of doors for close to 2 years and all needed a lawyer to make the insurance write a cheque.
I'd say short cut the process and hire one now...but the knee jerk reaction is that they'll take care of it. that feeling will pass after a month or so...so don't hesitate to hire one then if you delay.

read your policy for the insured amount, check the co-insurance rate and if it's for actual replacement cash value. gives you an idea of what to "hope" for. (if it's a total loss at least co-ins. penalties won't apply.)

good luck...and my best wishes that your the first guy i know to not have a problem.

[thecroweater]

jee whiz hope that works out for you

[Bigbob]

Hope so to! The plus side is that I wasn’t planning to move quite yet, so there is some time for lawyers and such, just not looking forward to it. My realtor seems to know everybody and knows how to play the game, so we will see.

[HDNB]

sry fer letting my general hatred for insurance companies pop out.

on the bright side it does sound like you'll be hangin' with your son soon!

[kiwi Bruce]

Bob, thank God you hadn't moved in...and lost all your stuff !

[Truckinbutch]

Sorry for being absent for so long . Life and eye surgery have been getting in the way . Life will always be life . Eyes are now both 20/20 for distance . Life is good ............
Looks like a great party shaping up for S3 18 .
SRD is supposed to drop by with a fresh quart one evening this week . I been runnin low what with being limited to lifting 10# and such .
I've always been the 'go to' guy for my oldest daughter when she needs something fixed and I have been proud to be that kind of Daddy .
She got me last Saturday .
She showed up carrying a 3 gallon ss stock pot with a lid on it and asked ,"Daddy , can you fix this ?"
Daddy put on his hero cape and took the stock pot to the work bench .
I pulled off the lid and saw a gallon and a half of water with a carrot floating in it and 2 lumps of coal at the bottom of the pot . I studied that and studied that and finally had to ask ,"What is it that I'm fixin , gal ?"
"It's my snowman....................."
I haven't written her out of the will , yet . I'm still cogitatin on that ..............

[corene1]

Well I just wonder what kind of influences she had around her when she was growing up, to come up with an idea like that to play on dear ol Dad. Bet she isn't the first one in the family to play a gag on another family member.

[RedwoodHillBilly]

Sorry for being absent for so long . Life and eye surgery have been getting in the way . Life will always be life . Eyes are now both 20/20 for distance . Life is good ............
Looks like a great party shaping up for S3 18 .
SRD is supposed to drop by with a fresh quart one evening this week . I been runnin low what with being limited to lifting 10# and such .

Glad to hear that you get see them coming....

Iffn'n you were around here, you wouldn't be runnin low. A gal or 2 of white dog haint no big deal. Gots to take of our own.

I haint had store bought in years.

BTW, as Robert A. Heinlein said, "Beware of strong drink, it can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss"

RHB

[Truckinbutch]

Well I just wonder what kind of influences she had around her when she was growing up, to come up with an idea like that to play on dear ol Dad. Bet she isn't the first one in the family to play a gag on another family member.

You nailed it , Gal . They grew up with a loving Daddy that tried to balance education and fun . My girls are living proof that they don't have to be boys to be ornery . The boy proves that redneck boys don't have to be stupid and uncultured .
4x4 on great , productive kids and they are moving 7 grandkids in the same direction .
Pranking Daddy is part of a game well played .

[corene1]

Well I just wonder what kind of influences she had around her when she was growing up, to come up with an idea like that to play on dear ol Dad. Bet she isn't the first one in the family to play a gag on another family member.

You nailed it , Gal . They grew up with a loving Daddy that tried to balance education and fun . My girls are living proof that they don't have to be boys to be ornery . The boy proves that redneck boys don't have to be stupid and uncultured .
4x4 on great , productive kids and they are moving 7 grandkids in the same direction .
Pranking Daddy is part of a game well played .

You should be proud of them !

[Truckinbutch]

You betcha I am .

[Truckinbutch]

SRD got by today with a quart of his last AG . Have a pull . I consider it fit for young shine .
He hadn't taken to heart that bit about airing and couldn't understand why my AG was so much smoother . He aired this last batch and it all became real to him .

[Hilltop]

I once wounded a deer, I started tracking it down and saw it behind a tree, I ran up an cut it's throat, started dragging it out and stumbled on a dead deer that had just been shot, I looked at the deer I was dragging and it had no bullet hole. I done cut the throat of the wrong deer.

[ga flatwoods]

Hilltop, i call BS! You coming round here telling bold faced lies? You havta be more sublte about it. Like Truckinbutch!
Ga Flatwoods

[Kareltje]

I once wounded a deer, I started tracking it down and saw it behind a tree, I ran up an cut it's throat, started dragging it out and stumbled on a dead deer that had just been shot, I looked at the deer I was dragging and it had no bullet hole. I done cut the throat of the wrong deer.

I think it is a good story!
Many people cut the throat of the wrong deer.

It might even be a proverb!

[Truckinbutch]

Hilltop, i call BS! You coming round here telling bold faced lies? You havta be more sublte about it. Like Truckinbutch!
Ga Flatwoods

Flatwoods , just because what I tole about sumpin wasn't exactly the way it was doesn't mean that it couldn'ta happened that way .
The gentleman could have just been mistaken about the chain of events .
Perhaps he cut the deer's thoat and he ran away . Then he shot the deer he saw what was standing behind the tree where the thoatcut deer expired .
And furthermore ; don't try to run off a prospective liar here at 'The Bench' . He can practice his craft .
We gettin too many empty seats around here .
Where did everybody go ?

[Hilltop]

That's a true story boys, now the biggest lie ever been played on an ol boy was my buddy mike, Mike went down to New Orleans with some ol college buddies for the Mardi Gras, he met this cute little blond with perky tits, but once in the motel room Mike found out hers was bigger than his!

We give him hell every time we see him, he claims to have terrible nightmares from it to this day.

Rolmao!

[Hilltop]

I understand women 100% and can explain:
(cosα − cosβ)2 + (sinα − sinβ)2 = (cos(α − β) − 1)2 + (sin(α − β) − 0)2 cos2 α − 2cosαcosβ + cos2 β + sin2 α − 2sinαsinβ + sin2 β = cos2(α − β) − 2cos(α − β) + 1 + sin2(α − β) (cos2 α + sin2 α) − 2(cosαcosβ + sinαsinβ) + (cos2 β + sin2 β)

No dang wonder I don't understand women, I sucked at geometry. Seems like every woman I know is crazy in some fashion or other.

[Truckinbutch]

That's a true story boys, now the biggest lie ever been played on an ol boy was my buddy mike, Mike went down to New Orleans with some ol college buddies for the Mardi Gras, he met this cute little blond with perky tits, but once in the motel room Mike found out hers was bigger than his!

We give him hell every time we see him, he claims to have terrible nightmares from it to this day.

Rolmao!

I don't know if I'da tole that one . Findin a kickstand where you was fixin to park could be right down disconcerting .

[Truckinbutch]

Anyhow ( I learned that transition from my friend 'Arkansas Tom') How did your Valentines Day work out for you ?
I've mentioned before how I got this deal with the local florist . I pay into a running account and she has a list of birthdays and anniversaries that she delivers flowers at the appropriate time on account of I suck at keeping track of such things .
She called yesterday morning after SOH went off to work to remind me that it was Valentine's Day and my account was run dry . How did I want to deal with this ?
$75 for yesterday's flowers that I picked up and a hundred dollars in the reserve account for the future got me square for that account .
A $40 box of chocolates and those flowers along with hugs and a kiss made me a hero in my house .
How did you all fare ?

[BayouShine]

Well, we been "celebrating" since last night. I'm gonna try and extend this holiday through the weekend if'n I can!

[jedneck]

We had good valintine day. 3 days ago we found out family size is increasing. Maybe this one gonna have extrenal plumbin.
Hear a jar of dunno what it is, found it in back of cupboard.

[cob]

That's a true story boys, now the biggest lie ever been played on an ol boy was my buddy mike, Mike went down to New Orleans with some ol college buddies for the Mardi Gras, he met this cute little blond with perky tits, but once in the motel room Mike found out hers was bigger than his!

We give him hell every time we see him, he claims to have terrible nightmares from it to this day.

Rolmao!

I don't know if I'da tole that one . Findin a kickstand where you was fixin to park could be right down disconcerting .

shouldn't that story been told in the pipe size confusion thread? maybe not,

my brother tells a story about pitching a bennyboy out a window in the p.i.

[Appalachia-Shiner]

We had good valintine day. 3 days ago we found out family size is increasing. Maybe this one gonna have extrenal plumbin.
Hear a jar of dunno what it is, found it in back of cupboard.

Well DAMN. Congratulations Jed!
Maybe you get a BOY this time.