The liar's bench

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Jstroke
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Jstroke »

Up here, where snow is deep and anyone from outside the state is from "away", people are suspicious by nature, fairly blunt, and have little or no patience for BS. We just don't tolerate it. We don't have the time. We were one of the last states to adopt the stay at home rule. What it meant for us was that we called Thelma at home to check out books from the Library and she would leave them on her back porch for pick up. Fred Qualis moved the town hall headquarters to his back parlor as his wife and sister both worked with him in accounting. The town cops starting using Chalie Philpot's horse barn to keep the town drunks as it had plenty of room and the sawdust was good for soaking up. Judge Tremont started holding court in the town square with a bullhorn. The coffee shop put all it's tables in the parking lot with umbrellas and some patio heaters. The kids who were supposed to be in school all went to work full time cutting pulp and running the family farm. Life continued as usual with little or no interruption. Nobody wears masks and folks still shake hands. There has been one possible case of virus which has been hotly debated. Elwood Estes, 86 years old had the chills and swore he was having trouble breathing. He explained that he went to check the mail as usual in the morning and said when he got back his hands was shaking and he was short of breath. When asked if anything unusual had happened he said no, everything was fine. He talked to Bertha Liford at the end of the driveway for half an hour and smoked a cigar. The fact that he was wearing a ball cap from John Deere and a plaid shirt at 15 below zero was dismissed immediately as the probable cause. He said he had done it every day the same for 65 years. As a result of this incident the town has quarantined itself. The road in and out is closed. Greg Nichols has parked his log truck across the bridge. If you have business in town the suggestion is to reschedule sometime in July after the snow melts and mud season is over. We don't like visitors and there is nothing to see or do here anyway so the best thing to do is turn around and go somewhere else. People from away have told us that Niagra Falls is nice to see. Try that. Either way until further notice we have socially distanced ourselves. A vote will be taken at the next Bi-Annual grange hall bean supper to decide if and when the social distancing ban will be lifted. I wouldn't get hopeful.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

The Ridge
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Jstroke »

Truckinbutch wrote: Tue Apr 28, 2020 11:01 am The Ridge
Northern New England
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

thecroweater wrote: Tue Apr 28, 2020 4:10 am Haa yeah had his back up but but once ole mate worked out what he was backing up he weren't wasting much time backing out :lol: .
What was the name of the next place over the county line? That place was a trip back in time with dollar beers and smoking at the bar :thumbup:
"The Ridge"
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

S-Cackalacky wrote: Mon Jun 10, 2013 10:49 am Round here the liar's bench is a reality and a cultural phenomenon. Just so everyone knows what TB means by "liar's bench" - it's usually an actual bench that sits outside the door of a country store. Or, in some cases it may be a booth or a corner table in a restaurant or lunch counter. Most often around where I live you will see a few old retired farmers sitting around telling stories early in the day. You may go by the same store in the early evening and see a younger group there on the bench. The Liar's bench is where that 8 point buck you shot last season grows a few more points, or where that 12 inch trout got to be 18 inches. That's the Liar's Bench.

When I was a youngun down in S. Cack, the ole boys would sit around outside the store playing checkers and not doing much talking. Somewhere along the line the checkerboard got lost and wit and wisdom took over. If you could collect all that wit and wisdom, the problems of the world would probably be solved.

I guess here on HD the Liar's Bench is a kind of virtual bench.

Just sayin',
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

Some people just can't stand prosperity .
Local stock buyer (4th generation in the family and an honorable man) Is watching the Ohio feed lots being devastated by the kill plant shutdowns .
To help his market and theirs , he is going to run a stock trailer to Ohio this coming week and haul back finished hogs for private sale .
290 to 310# finished hogs for public sale locally at $100 to$120 per hog . Butcher yourself or contract with a local Mom and Pop Shop . Probably 130 to 140 hogs on a load .
Ask Jedneck ; this is a giveaway price .
Local response :"What's he going to make off this ?"
Cheap meat in front of a projected food shortage ............... Who gives a fuck what he is going to make as long as you get cheap meat ?
Local stupid folks do .
I SWEAR ! ............ Rant off .
Finished hogs that can't be sold by private treaty will be euthanized and rendered or buried .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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jedneck
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by jedneck »

Yup thats half price or lil more. Round hear fat hogs usually go for $.60-.90/lb. I just baught three 320# for $.36/lb at auction. Local hog farm gets no less than $.60/lb.

Seems to me that the people that buyin home raised livestock don’t mind paying pre scamdemic prices. Hogs @ $.60ish/lb and beef at $1.60-$2.35/lb on the rail.

Did hear that shell corn is down to $3/ bushel at local mill.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by jedneck »

Buddy called me today sayin his son has a few free pigs for me. Hated to tell him I don’t have time or space to take em. Ain’t complaining but it suck to turn free meat away.
welcome aboard some of us are ornery old coots but if you do a lot of
reading and don't ask stupid questions you'll be alright most are
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

jedneck wrote: Mon May 04, 2020 3:24 pm Buddy called me today sayin his son has a few free pigs for me. Hated to tell him I don’t have time or space to take em. Ain’t complaining but it suck to turn free meat away.
For sure , it sucks . But if you have no cooler room to use it , you just can't .
As a kid there was a 10 milk can dairy every 8 to 10 mailboxes along the road . Also butter and eggs for sale . Pigs were 'mortgage lifters' .
Home butchering was the norm and every coal camp had an enterprenuer that would huxter the back roads to build a business supplying the coal camps with what they couldn't get on their own . Offering up fresh veggies and fresh meat .
One store left here locally that opened in 1900 . Little dump that has a niche market and the 6th generation of the family working in it . They've done well .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by 8Ball »

Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse Farmall tractor tire will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough sumbich.

That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old Dukes of Hazard fan that I was, I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up T-shirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all over the place. One summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large rotten oak stump in our backyard. I looked over under the carport and see a shiny brand new can of starting fluid (Ether). The light bulb went off in my head.
I grabbed the can and set it on the stump. I thought that it would probably just spray out in a disappointing manner. Lets face it, to a 10 yr old mouth-breather like myself, (Ether), really doesn't "sound" flammable.
So, I went back into the house and got a 1 pound can of Pyrodex (black powder for muzzle loader rifles).
At this point, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened up the can of black powder. My intentions were to sprinkle a little bit around the (Ether) can but it all sorta dumped out on me. No biggie, a 1 lb. Pyrodex and 16 oz (Ether) should make a loud pop, kinda like a firecracker you know?
You know what? Screw that I'm going back in the house for the other can.
Yes, I got a second can of pyrodex and dumped it too. Now we're cookin'.
I stepped back about 15 ft and lit the 2 stroke arrow. I drew the nock to my cheek and took aim. As I released I heard a clunk as the arrow launched from my bow. In a slow motion time frame, I turned to see my dad getting out of the truck...OH SHIT! He just got home from work. So help me God it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from my bow to the can. My dad was walking towards me in slow motion with a WTF look in his eyes. I turned back towards my target just in time to see the arrow pierce the starting fluid can right at the bottom. Right through the main pile of Pyrodex and into the can.
Oh Shit.
When the shock wave hit it knocked me off my feet. I don't know if it was the actual compression wave that threw me back or just reflex jerk back from 235 fricking decibels of sound. I caught a half a millisecond glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion and I will tell you there was dust, grass, and bugs all hovering 1 ft above the ground as far as I could see. It was like a little low to the ground layer of dust fog full of grasshoppers, spiders, and a worm or two.
The daylight turned purple. Let me repeat this... THE FRICKING DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE.
There was a big sweetgum tree out by the gate going into the pasture.
Notice I said "was". That son-of-a-bitch got up and ran off.
So here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my Thundercats T-Shirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the carport having what I can only assume is a Vietnam flashback:
ECHO BRAVO CHARLIE YOU'RE BRINGIN' EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE. DAMNIT CEASE FIRE!!!!!
His hat has blown off and is 30 ft. behind him in the driveway. All windows on the north side of the house are blown out and there is a slow rolling mushroom cloud about 2000 ft. over our backyard. There is a Honda 185 3 wheeler parked on the other side of the yard and the fenders are drooped down and are now touching the tires.
I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment. I don't know – I know I said something. I couldn't hear. I couldn't hear inside my own head. I don't think he heard me either... not that it would really matter. I don't remember much from this point on. I said something, felt a sharp pain, and then woke up later. I felt a sharp pain, blacked out, woke later....repeat this process for an hour or so and you get the idea. I remember at one point my mom had to give me CPR. and Dad screaming "Bring Him back to life so I can kill him again". Thanks Mom.
One thing is for sure... I never had to mow around that stump again, Mom had been bitching about that thing for years and dad never did anything about it. I stepped up to the plate and handled business.
Dad sold his muzzle loader a week or so later. I still have some sort of bone growth abnormality, either from the blast or the beating, or both.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, get your kids into archery. It's good discipline and will teach them skills they can use later on in life.

~Author Unknown
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VLAGAVULVIN
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by VLAGAVULVIN »

It's good discipline and will teach them skills they can use later on in life.

Coolstuff, 8Ball / made me rofling/ thanx :thumbup:

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Yonder »

Holy shit! I haven’t laughed like that in years. It’s the stuff little boys are made of, shit i did in the 60’s. ‘Cept i made my own powder. Lucky we’re all still alive!
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by moosemilk »

Been awhile since I posted. Still been around in the shadows. Never gave up the hobby, just no time for internet. Now with my layoff (it was coming before this covid thing) I have some time. Been missing posting here. The upside to layoff is I've FINALLY got my electric almost built. Just need to Fab up a box to put around my element connections. And plenty of time I've been running on my copper pot and thumper (will always be my favorite... something about sitting outside and watching the flame, listening for that purr of the thumper, steam coming off the flake).

Enough of that though. Hope everyone is healthy and safe. Now who has a jug I can get a pull offa?
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by ShineonCrazyDiamond »

Damn, good to see you moose!
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by MichiganCornhusker »

“Two stroke arrow”, funny stuff there! Great story.

Hey, Moose, great to see ya post up, been a while.
Somewhere around here there’s a guy makin some sweet hooch with your name on it, just thought you should know.
Shouting and shooting, I can't let them catch me...
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by thecroweater »

Was Suzie's Birthday today so tonight we planned on having hagis with taters and neeps. Musta boiled a bit much and the damn hagis ruptured. No one seemed a whole lot interested in sheep guts porridge so we have Penang chicken instead, might try again for tomorrow
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by moosemilk »

ShineonCrazyDiamond wrote: Sat May 09, 2020 4:54 am Damn, good to see you moose!
Not gonna lie, miss it here. This break has been a nice welcome. It's been over 20 years since I've even taken more than 5 days off.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by moosemilk »

MichiganCornhusker wrote: Sat May 09, 2020 7:07 am “Two stroke arrow”, funny stuff there! Great story.

Hey, Moose, great to see ya post up, been a while.
Somewhere around here there’s a guy makin some sweet hooch with your name on it, just thought you should know.
I'm proud my name is on it. I had the good fortune of having a sample sent and it is a damn fine drink. So is his rye. I'm hoping to head back west after all this and try some of his other bonded likker.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by cranky »

I just noticed the name pop up. Nice to see you around moosemilk.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

Old home week here . Welcome back , all .There's a jug of allgrain hid over in that holler stump yonder where the Mayor's sister can't find it .
You newcomers will have to go back a few pages to understand her .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by HDNB »

Hey Moose, good to see ya. sucks about the employment thing...man there is a LOT of that goin' around at the moment.... get summa that gubberment money while you can, you know they will be coming around with both hands out to get it back!

how about some photos of that new equipment over in the build area, you know how we lurv that still porn.
I finally quit drinking for good.

now i drink for evil.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by moosemilk »

HDNB wrote: Sun May 10, 2020 8:32 am Hey Moose, good to see ya. sucks about the employment thing...man there is a LOT of that goin' around at the moment.... get summa that gubberment money while you can, you know they will be coming around with both hands out to get it back!

how about some photos of that new equipment over in the build area, you know how we lurv that still porn.
I'll get some pics as soon as I can. Nothing special. Just a 2" ccvm on a keg. But yup, we all like pics. I'll have to take some of my very well used copper pot and thumper (pints design of pot...after all these years she's still my favorite).

Not worried about work. Layoff was coming before all this. Our CERB pays better than my unemployment insurance does, and when Cerb runs out if I'm still not working I can use my unemployment. Shop is still going, just reduced hours and staff. I was doing more sweeping than welding before this all.

Wife is a nurse in LTC, so no shortage of work or money for her. Government even gave them all a temporary $4/hr raise. Plus she had so much overtime once, they had to tell her she hit her limit (then still had her come in they were so short staffed)

I'm playing the housekeeper. I don't mind. Kids love getting a cooked breakfast every day. Oldest daughter (16) asked to learn to run the still (proud dad...she already knows about fermenting, and has the best nose making cuts). And wife even let's me go fishing whenever I want (been out every night this week for rainbow smelts) plus makes sure I have enough for stillin. Covid has been good to me.

cranky, good to see you as well. It's nice all the familiar faces are around.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by goinbroke2 »

"Covid has been good to me. "
HAHAHAHA!!! Same here!
Get up, go in the garage, piddle around until the wife calls for tea time, mosey around the yard and fiddle with this and that....
This is a "pre-retirement" test and boy howdy do I like it!!

Seen the arrow story above and it made me laugh, I know I've told it before but when I was...huh...who knows now, 10-14 anyway, me and my cousins were playing with squirt bottles and gas on a fire, dumb kid stuff. I decide to make napalm. My aunt had these soap flakes, we had an old 5 gal cas can and mixed up a gallon or two with soap flakes. Then I took an old square flash cube for a camera and tore it apart, broke the glass so the finely wound wire was exposed. Ran wires to it and had a 9v battery. We dug a hole and sunk it about half way or so, ran back and hid behind a car. (my cousins place had 350 cars in the fields) I touched the battery and WUMP! a big ball of flame went 50ft in the air....then came back down...stuck to everything! We were running around trying to beat out fires in the grass and on the cars when my aunt came out wondering what happened. When a gob of fire is on a side window of a car burning, that's scary looking! We eventually said we dropped a piece of metal and a gas tank must of exploded.

Dumb shit we did...weld a nail on the end of a shovel and stick a shotgun shell in a pipe, cover it with rocks and wack the round. Boom! Pipe goes flying, everyone is laughing, use more rocks, BOOM, ah the good old days, hehehe. Cousin Mike would put a shotgun shell on the end of his pellet gun, sitting there holding it vertical very carefully, pull the trigger, nope, it shook and the shell fell off. He did it a dozen times before one of the older kids showed up and freaked out at him.
Numerous 57L kegs, some propane, one 220v electric with stilldragon controller. Keggle for all-Grain, two pot still tops for whisky, a 3" reflux with deflag for vodka. Coming up, a 4" perf plate column. Life is short, make whisky and drag race!
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by goinbroke2 »

shadylane wrote: Tue Apr 21, 2020 5:09 pm Might as well tell this in the Liar's bench, nobody would believe it anywhere else.
A couple days ago, I was tilling the garden with a 300 international utility tractor.
Needed to make some adjustments to the 3 point hitch
So I shut off the tractor, jumped off and made the changes
When I got back on, pushed in the clutch and turned on the ignition
The engine backfired, stumbled and started running without hitting the starter button :shock:
We had an old 300 international utility too growing up on the farm!!
Anyhoo, all it was, was a warm engine close enough to tdc with a air/fuel already in it. When you turned on the ign, it gave a spark which lit that particular cyl off. It happens all the time but if everything isn't lined up just right, nothing happens. The spark fires in a cyl during the exh stroke or it's still coming up on compression, etc.
Obviously you're still running points as electronic ign won't...no, I won't say "won't" but would be more rare than points to do that.

Pull a spark plug and turn the key on and off. Turn the motor by hand closer and closer to tdc and you will eventually get a spark when you hit the switch.

EDIT: HAHAHA just kept reading and saw where you said it was electronic ign, well there you go, electronic can do it too.
Numerous 57L kegs, some propane, one 220v electric with stilldragon controller. Keggle for all-Grain, two pot still tops for whisky, a 3" reflux with deflag for vodka. Coming up, a 4" perf plate column. Life is short, make whisky and drag race!
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by HDNB »

goinbroke2 wrote: Mon May 11, 2020 6:58 am "Covid has been good to me. "
HAHAHAHA!!! Same here!
Get up, go in the garage, piddle around until the wife calls for tea time, mosey around the yard and fiddle with this and that....
This is a "pre-retirement" test and boy howdy do I like it!!

Seen the arrow story above and it made me laugh, I know I've told it before but when I was...huh...who knows now, 10-14 anyway, me and my cousins were playing with squirt bottles and gas on a fire, dumb kid stuff. I decide to make napalm. My aunt had these soap flakes, we had an old 5 gal cas can and mixed up a gallon or two with soap flakes. Then I took an old square flash cube for a camera and tore it apart, broke the glass so the finely wound wire was exposed. Ran wires to it and had a 9v battery. We dug a hole and sunk it about half way or so, ran back and hid behind a car. (my cousins place had 350 cars in the fields) I touched the battery and WUMP! a big ball of flame went 50ft in the air....then came back down...stuck to everything! We were running around trying to beat out fires in the grass and on the cars when my aunt came out wondering what happened. When a gob of fire is on a side window of a car burning, that's scary looking! We eventually said we dropped a piece of metal and a gas tank must of exploded.

Dumb shit we did...weld a nail on the end of a shovel and stick a shotgun shell in a pipe, cover it with rocks and wack the round. Boom! Pipe goes flying, everyone is laughing, use more rocks, BOOM, ah the good old days, hehehe. Cousin Mike would put a shotgun shell on the end of his pellet gun, sitting there holding it vertical very carefully, pull the trigger, nope, it shook and the shell fell off. He did it a dozen times before one of the older kids showed up and freaked out at him.

Good to see you too GB!

Hehheheh, we had *very* similar childhoods...what we called fun is now considered domestic terrorism. :wtf:
I finally quit drinking for good.

now i drink for evil.
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by contrahead »

HDNB wrote: Mon May 11, 2020 1:52 pm ...what we called fun is now considered domestic terrorism. :wtf:
As I was growing up as a kid in the Ozarks, come 4th of July we were definitely terrorist to every type of critter in sight. Let the fireworks commence.

In the 70's I helped blast tree stumps with dynamite at a ski resort and later found employment with an oilfield company that used more sophisticated explosives. Never got to play with explosives as much as I would have liked. This all reminded me of that old Texas guy in a cafe, telling his dynamite story.

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by Truckinbutch »

Damn! I just stopped by for a quick nip on the way home . Don't have time to tell a story tonight , this mornin . I'll be back tomorrow with a yarn ; Lord willin and them Creek Indians don't rise .
If you ain't the lead dog in the team , the scenery never changes . Ga Flatwoods made my avatar and I want to thank him for that .
Don't drink water , fish fornicate in it .
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Re: The liar's bench

Post by VLAGAVULVIN »

moosemilk wrote: Mon May 11, 2020 1:12 am I'm playing the housekeeper. I don't mind. Kids love getting a cooked breakfast every day. Oldest daughter (16) asked to learn to run the still (proud dad...she already knows about fermenting, and has the best nose making cuts). And wife even let's me go fishing whenever I want (been out every night this week for rainbow smelts) plus makes sure I have enough for stillin.
So cool... :thumbup:

And today is my first day I'm back in the office. About 50 miles away from the sweet home / 1 traffic police check for years.

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Re: The liar's bench

Post by goinbroke2 »

Ummm, where's the bottle?

I'll have a snort from this bottle I brought and leave it behind the back leg.

(Certainly not going to finish it..last time I did that and had a little nap that frigging TB painted my freaking toes pink)






The bastard....
Numerous 57L kegs, some propane, one 220v electric with stilldragon controller. Keggle for all-Grain, two pot still tops for whisky, a 3" reflux with deflag for vodka. Coming up, a 4" perf plate column. Life is short, make whisky and drag race!
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corene1
HD Distilling Goddess
Posts: 3045
Joined: Tue Jan 08, 2013 8:05 pm
Location: The western Valley

Re: The liar's bench

Post by corene1 »

HAHAHAHA!!! That will learn ya to not pass out at the bench. He did do a good job though. You must remember that the Monkey was loose at the time and causing people to do all kinds of things that normally wouldn't be happening. I thought for a while that the monkey was gone but I think he was just laying low and getting stronger and smarter. Probably still out there roamin around as we speak looking for more crap to stir. If you look around for the past few years you sure can see a lot of s*^t stirrin going on , I for one believe the Monkey is behind all of it, pushing all these folks to do and act in such foolish ways.
For those of you who don't know about the monkey ya need to go back about 40 or 50 pages and read about some of the catastrophes he caused . He is a mean and spiteful rascal that has survived anything and everything that was thrown at him. I think he even survived a nuclear blast with just singed hair and such.
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