Jokes

[The Baker]

Great song and pics.

Geoff

[Kareltje]

Indeed.
Here bakers yeast has gone from the shelves?

[The Baker]

Do you maybe make beer?
(If you can get the yeast for that anyway....)

I believe in the old, old days the baker would go around to the brewery for a small bucket of yeast.

Geoff

[Corsaire]

Geoff, that was common practice here too. Breweries and jenever distillers sold off the yeast trub to bakers.

[Bushman]

[contrahead]

This next isn't a joke and isn't even funny but it's plenty weird. This is what happens if you sit in front of the computer all day – you occasionally run into some questionable stuff.

[Bushman]

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I'd go up to a bank teller with a mask on asking for money!

[DSmith78]

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I'd go up to a bank teller with a mask on asking for money!

[v-child]

Joke read on a comment board;

A local expert from the iranian food industry goes on a knowledge exchange trip to Japan

He is visiting a fully automated factory for salami. There is a Japanese personnel from the factory that leads the tour and shows how from one end they put a pig and from the other end of the factory a salami comes out. The iranian guy tries to be appear smart, asking: "And is it possible the other way around - to put a salami in and have a pig come out?"

To which the Japanese colleague replies: "No no, this is a factory, not your mother..."

[CaptMorgan]

Who would have thought?

[v-child]

This next isn't a joke and isn't even funny but it's plenty weird. This is what happens if you sit in front of the computer all day – you occasionally run into some questionable stuff.

The advertising geniuses at Hershey/ Nestle used some parts of Missy Elliot's vulgar "Work It" in their advertising for their "Kit Kat" candy bars. The execs don't have a clue. I sent them the entire lyrics. For some reason, I haven't seen that commercial in a long while.

[RedwoodHillBilly]

[heynonny]

[TDick]

Ain't no joke!

[Bushman]

[CaptMorgan]

For today's covid19 home school science class, we learned how to make some tasty hand sanitizer. I think it went pretty well.

[acfixer69]

[VLAGAVULVIN]

the Irish joke was pretty cool, though

[Bushman]

For those that can’t make a cloth mask.

[Odin]

[TDick]

Businesses are beginning to open here.
So I went shopping at the furniture store.

Now the sales lady keeps calling me.... i only wanted one night stand.

[cob]

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies." He responded.

"Oh! Are you killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked ..... "How can you tell them apart?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

[acfixer69]

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, the man answered his door to find a grim-faced constable waiting in the front yard. "We're sorry, Mr. O' Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen" said the officer.


"Tell me! Did you find her?" Michael Patrick O'Flynn asked. The constable said, "I have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, Mr. O' Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first." The constable said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but early this morning we found your poor wife's body in the bay." "Lord sufferin' Jesus and Holy Mother of God!" exclaimed O' Flynn. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news?"

The constable continued, "When we pulled the late, departed poor Maureen up, she had 12 of the best-looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."

Stunned, Mr. O' Flynn demanded, "Glory be to God, if that's the good news, then what's the really great news?" The constable replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."

[Odin]

[TDick]

Lick Her

yeah that!

[Odin]

[HDNB]

i listened to jimmy stewart telling his favorite

Mildred: Jimmy if i die would you remarry?
Jimmy: It's a beautiful morning and i'm really enjoying my coffee, why would you ask me such a morbid question? I'm not going to discuss this!
Later that night:
Mildred: Jimmy if i die would you remarry? you never did answer....
Jimmy: why are you being so dark? just leave it alone and let me enjoy my dessert!

The next day:
Mildred: Jimmy if i die would you remarry? you never did answer....
Jimmy: Listen woman, if you are going to continue on this dark alley and not leave me alone, then you should know...yes i would remarry.
Mildred: Jimmy if i die and you remarry would you sell our house?
Jimmy sez: why the hell would i sell the house? it's a perfectly good house!
Mildred: Jimmy if i die and you remarry would you sell our bed?
Jimmy sez: why the hell would i sell the bed? it's a perfectly good bed!
Mildred: So you would sleep in our bed, in our house with your new wife??
Jimmy: Well there is no sense in selling a perfectly fine house and bed now is there?

Mildred: So would you sell my clothes? or let her wear them?
Jimmy: i probably give them to goodwill.

Mildred: would you sell my golf clubs?
Jimmy: yeah, i'd sell your golf clubs...she's a lefty.

[acfixer69]

Good one HDNB.

[Forest Beekeeper]

nice

[Truckinbutch]

HDNB , it's not pleasant to snort likker through your nose onto the keyboard . I will prudently swallow before opening one of your posts henceforth ........