Jokes

Post by **Windy City** » Sat Sep 19, 2020 6:14 am

Post by **Truckinbutch** » Sat Sep 19, 2020 5:57 pm

Windy City wrote: ↑Sat Sep 19, 2020 6:14 am 9B01901A-F024-4357-B327-EAAACF661EBA.jpeg

Yep ; but , they excel in chemistry and general shop . Fits them well for life out of your basement .

Post by **Deplorable** » Sun Sep 20, 2020 12:36 pm

Windy City wrote: ↑Sat Sep 19, 2020 6:14 am 9B01901A-F024-4357-B327-EAAACF661EBA.jpeg

Chemistry, thermodynamics, pipefitting, electrical, bartending, there are a lot of classes you can teach your kids with this hobby. (Just dont teach them marketing, or packaging and distribution.)

Post by **goinbroke2** » Sun Sep 20, 2020 6:37 pm

Wife called while I was out in the garage with my buddies. Said she was doing nasty things while thinking of me.
Told the boys to git and ran in the house, turns out she was cleaning the toilet.

Bitch.

Post by **Truckinbutch** » Sun Sep 20, 2020 9:07 pm

goinbroke2 wrote: ↑Sun Sep 20, 2020 6:37 pm Wife called while I was out in the garage with my buddies. Said she was doing nasty things while thinking of me.
Told the boys to git and ran in the house, turns out she was cleaning the toilet.

Bitch.

You my brotherinlaw ?

Post by **goinbroke2** » Tue Sep 22, 2020 9:45 pm

Lol, TB!

Kid asked me a strange question today, wasn't sure how to answer.

"If you divide 3 bathrooms between 215 genders, how much climate change does that equal "???

I just smiled and walked away.

Post by **goinbroke2** » Tue Sep 22, 2020 9:54 pm

goinbroke2 wrote: ↑Tue Sep 22, 2020 9:45 pm Lol, TB!

Kid asked me a strange question today, wasn't sure how to answer.

"If you divide 3 bathrooms between 215 genders, how much climate change does that equal "???

I just smiled and walked away.

I forgot to mention, my eyes were bothering me the other day so I went to the optometrist. He only looked at my eyes for a minute then said I have to stop masturbating. I asked why, will it make me go blind?
No he said, it's making the other patients uncomfortable.

DSmith78 · Post by **DSmith78** » Tue Sep 22, 2020 10:04 pm

goinbroke2 wrote: ↑Tue Sep 22, 2020 9:54 pm
goinbroke2 wrote: ↑Tue Sep 22, 2020 9:45 pm Lol, TB!

Kid asked me a strange question today, wasn't sure how to answer.

"If you divide 3 bathrooms between 215 genders, how much climate change does that equal "???

I just smiled and walked away.

I forgot to mention, my eyes were bothering me the other day so I went to the optometrist. He only looked at my eyes for a minute then said I have to stop masturbating. I asked why, will it make me go blind?
No he said, it's making the other patients uncomfortable.

Post by **Bushman** » Wed Sep 23, 2020 10:13 am

HiroP · Post by **HiroP** » Wed Sep 23, 2020 4:58 pm

After drinking absinthe I have noticed that my "wind" has a very distinct odour. The old wisdom is true.

"Absinthe makes the farts grow stronger"

kiwi Bruce · Post by **kiwi Bruce** » Thu Sep 24, 2020 4:15 pm

HiroP wrote: ↑Wed Sep 23, 2020 4:58 pm After drinking absinthe I have noticed that my "wind" has a very distinct odour. The old wisdom is true.

"Absinthe makes the farts grow stronger"

Very funny but...
Oscar Wilde said it best...."Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder"

sweeps · Post by **sweeps** » Thu Sep 24, 2020 6:32 pm

kiwi Bruce wrote: ↑Thu Sep 24, 2020 4:15 pm Oscar Wilde said it best...."Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder"

At the risk of outing myself as a poetry nerd, that was not Wilde, but an associate of his and talented alcoholic poet in his own right, Ernest Dowson.

Wilde is alleged to have said “After the first glass of absinthe you see things as you wish they were. After the second you see them as they are not. Finally you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world.”

There's no hard evidence that he actually said it and anyway, it's much less amusing than the tarts quip. Or the farts quip.

kiwi Bruce · Post by **kiwi Bruce** » Fri Sep 25, 2020 2:04 pm

+ 1 sweeps!

HiroP · Post by **HiroP** » Sat Sep 26, 2020 9:17 am

I thought I came up with it myself. At least I'm in good company. Now I have to try and make some of my own absinthe and test my joke.

kiwi Bruce · Post by **kiwi Bruce** » Sat Sep 26, 2020 2:38 pm

sweeps wrote: ↑Thu Sep 24, 2020 6:32 pm

Wilde is alleged to have said
“After the first glass of absinthe you see things as you wish they were. After the second you see them as they are not. Finally you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world.”

AND THEN YOU GET TO CUT THE LOBE OFF YOUR EAR !

Post by **acfixer69** » Sat Sep 26, 2020 3:22 pm

kiwi Bruce wrote: ↑Sat Sep 26, 2020 2:38 pm
sweeps wrote: ↑Thu Sep 24, 2020 6:32 pm

Wilde is alleged to have said
“After the first glass of absinthe you see things as you wish they were. After the second you see them as they are not. Finally you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world.”

AND THEN YOU GET TO CUT THE LOBE OFF YOUR EAR !

That was vinnie van gogh ithough

sweeps · Post by **sweeps** » Sat Sep 26, 2020 7:11 pm

You've already got me to out myself as a poetry nerd, don't even get me started on post-impressionist painters.

You know he had to give up painting because his glasses kept falling off, right?

Post by **Yonder** » Sat Sep 26, 2020 9:35 pm

“You know he had to give up painting because his glasses kept falling off, right?“.

DSmith78 · Post by **DSmith78** » Sat Sep 26, 2020 11:17 pm

And he can't go shopping at the moment. Mask won't stay on.

Post by **cranky** » Sun Sep 27, 2020 4:33 am

My wife just sent me this one

zed255 · Post by **zed255** » Sun Sep 27, 2020 5:24 am

Woman on the right?

kiwi Bruce · Post by **kiwi Bruce** » Sun Sep 27, 2020 11:15 am

So that's how they steal watermelons...I always wondered

kiwi Bruce · Post by **kiwi Bruce** » Sun Sep 27, 2020 11:27 am

sweeps wrote: ↑Sat Sep 26, 2020 7:11 pm You've already got me to out myself as a poetry nerd, don't even get me started on post-impressionist painters.

You know he had to give up painting because his glasses kept falling off, right?

That explains why Vinnie's last self-portrait was so....OFF !

: Vinnie's last self-portrait.jpg (31.42 KiB) Viewed 2880 times

sweeps · Post by **sweeps** » Sun Sep 27, 2020 5:06 pm

Oi Vinnie, can I buy you an absinthe?

Nah mate, I got one 'ere!

Post by **Bushman** » Mon Sep 28, 2020 7:56 am

This is the kind of stuff I get in trouble for!

Post by **goinbroke2** » Mon Sep 28, 2020 8:50 pm

Went to the doctors office and it was packed with walk ins. Receptionist said that I could see the medical student if it wasn't serious. This 25 year old blonde hardbody walks in and I must of looked uncomfortable. She says I've been doing this for 4 years now and have seen it all, I'm a professional. Seriously, don't be shy, what's the problem?
I said "my wife said my dick taste funny"

Post by **goinbroke2** » Mon Sep 28, 2020 9:01 pm

Wife told me today she's "BI".

Now I have to figure out if its sexual or polar!

freebase · Post by **freebase** » Tue Sep 29, 2020 6:44 am

A tourist couple wander into a beach bar whilst on holiday, and settle down with drinks in the corner.
Seated next to them is an old man, and they strike up a conversation.
Turns out he's a little down on his luck, so the couple end up buying him a drink.
Eventually they get round to asking him a bit about himself...

"See those apartments over there?" Costas says; "I built those with my own hands when I was younger man"
"Do I get any credit for it now?"
"Do they call me Costas the Housebuilder?"
"NO!, AND I had to sell them cheap"

"See the fishing boats pulled up on the beach; I also built those when I was younger.
Do they call me Costas the Boatbuilder; NO!"

"See the horse drawn cart rested on the road there.
I built that some years ago.
Do they call me Costas the Cartbuilder? NO!..."

"But you fuck one sheep!..."

heynonny · Post by **heynonny** » Tue Sep 29, 2020 7:10 am

fs full moon.jpg

heynonny · Post by **heynonny** » Tue Sep 29, 2020 7:13 am

Home Distiller

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