Jokes

[goinbroke2]

She's gotta catch me first TB.



Not saying I wouldn't let her...




I used to live within a stones throw of a family that all died of mysterious head injuries.

[goinbroke2]

Ya ever wonder.....

What if, Bob Ross was actually a serial killer and his paintings were locations of the burials????


Hmmmm?

[goinbroke2]

Feminist.....what a weird way to spell fat and single....

[goinbroke2]

Wife's in a bad mood..she asked if I knew the " similarities between covid and pussy"
I said no, what?

She said "You won't get either tonight" then went upstairs

[Deplorable]

Wife's in a bad mood..she asked if I knew the " similarities between covid and pussy"
I said no, what?

She said "You won't get either tonight" then went upstairs

Might as well just stay in the garage then. Stills need lovin too.

[Truckinbutch]

Must be this first full moon of the month . Got them all riled up .
SOH told me tonight that when I was retired and she works 50-60 hrs a week she could use a hand with the housework .............
And then , at the end of the third clap , informed me that if she heard one more clap ; I would awake tomorrow with sutures where my balls used to be .............
For real , just happened ...... I didn't clap a fourth time and I will be sleeping on the couch tonight .

[TDick]

no joke

[kiwi Bruce]

Very true...no joke, " Did you blah blah blah...." No ! I didn't or I don't remember if I did !

example...Did you leave the bottle of yellow mustard on the roof of the SUV ?
Me...No ! Why would I do that...so no, I didn't or I don't remember if I did !

[goinbroke2]

Me: see that marbling, that would make awesome grilling meat!


Everyone else at the autopsy: wtf is wrong with you???

[goinbroke2]

I was going to tell a dead baby joke,


But I decided to abort.






You find it offensive, I find it funny, that's why I'm happier than you...

[goinbroke2]

Fun fact:

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

[Truckinbutch]

Fun fact:

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

You will see yourself out without assistance , I assume . (SARC OFF )

[Expat]

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Neither, it was the rooster!

[cranky]

[Bushman]

At the National Art Gallery, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.
Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white patriarchal society . "In fact", he pointed out, "Some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society".

After the curator left, an Newfie approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"

"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery", asked the couple?

"Because I am the artist, who painted the picture", he replied, "In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all.
They're just three Newfie coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch"

[goinbroke2]

During the Middle Ages, to celebrate the end of a plague or famine, they would have orgies and drink.
Does anyone know if there's anything like that planned???

[goinbroke2]

I've just released my own personal fragrance.



Nobody in the car liked it.

[goinbroke2]

Wife told the therapist that I made two personal fat jokes about her yesterday. Of course I said it was a lie!
Therapist asked, why would she remember you saying them then?
I said, elephants never forget.

Now even the therapist is being bitchy....

[Kareltje]

At the National Art Gallery, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.
Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white patriarchal society . "In fact", he pointed out, "Some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society".

After the curator left, an Newfie approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"

"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery", asked the couple?

"Because I am the artist, who painted the picture", he replied, "In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all.
They're just three Newfie coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch"

E2C27C1B-369A-4570-AEE2-47027A7371AC.jpeg

This can be used in some discussion here.

[goinbroke2]

Bugler Broke into my house so I put a red dot on his chest and let the cat do the rest.

[Bushman]

[Truckinbutch]

Bugler Broke into my house so I put a red dot on his chest and let the cat do the rest.

I considered that a joke until we got our most recent cat . She has that capability and is very aggressive toward red and green dots .6# at 6 months and stands on her hind legs and attacks an Aussie Blue Heeler 40# dog . And SOH , whose weight we will not discuss if we value our lives ...

[Bushman]

Bugler Broke into my house so I put a red dot on his chest and let the cat do the rest.

I considered that a joke until we got our most recent cat . She has that capability and is very aggressive toward red and green dots .6# at 6 months and stands on her hind legs and attacks an Aussie Blue Heeler 40# dog . And SOH , whose weight we will not discuss if we value our lives ...

Use a laser pointer and the cats go nuts!

[cob]

I ran a cat up a fellers leg with one of them lasers a few years back

the rest of that story might need to go on the liars bench

cause it was no joke

[kiwi Bruce]

When my wife got her S&W 38 in came with a grip laser...the intrusions in the box said..."Making bad people make the right decisions" which pretty much sums it up...and at 25 to 30 the hole is exactly on the laser dot, which is petty damn scary.

[Durhommer]

Not scary just accurate my 15 year old daughter can blow a target up at 200 yards with an sks prone position

[kiwi Bruce]

Not scary just accurate my 15 year old daughter can blow a target up at 200 yards with an sks prone position

Iron sights or scoped ?

[Tater]

This is joke forum .Lets keep it there ,

[Durhommer]

What's black and white and red all over....

[jonnys_spirit]

uhhhh,... I give up?