Time to stop all the bitchen and tell your joke. Grow up and pay attention to what matters. This is a forum for fun, not I feel butt hurt by that comment or punch line and you need to be punished. If your that soft stay in the soft forums. Mods can only do so much to protect from harsh words. Myself at my best can be abrasive and to some will always be. Pryor, Kinnison and Clay funny shit right there. Their isn't anyone they haven't made the butt of their joke.
Suck it up buttercup let's move on.
Jokes
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jonnys_spirit
- Master of Distillation
- Posts: 3917
- Joined: Wed Oct 21, 2015 7:58 am
- Location: The Milky Way
Re: Jokes
Just because you're offended doesn't mean my joke wasn't making fun of you...
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i prefer my mash shaken, not stirred
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i prefer my mash shaken, not stirred
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Re: Jokes
Yes, you can say that again.VLAGAVULVIN wrote: ↑Wed Aug 04, 2021 9:45 pmsurprisingly, there are a lot of such touchy people on the forum of potential lawbreakers
Snowflakes, they are. Although they think of themselves as tough guys.
But I guess you are suffering of more severe restrictions.
Last edited by Kareltje on Thu Aug 05, 2021 3:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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VLAGAVULVIN
- Distiller
- Posts: 1570
- Joined: Tue Feb 06, 2018 4:52 am
- Location: Western Urals
Re: Jokes
&
Didn't mean but was suspected. I joke no more around here unless it's absolutely necessary.
har druckit för mycket
Re: Jokes
One drunkard to another:
Look at those two pathetic drunks at the end of the bar.
The other drunk looks, and says “That’s a mirror.”
Look at those two pathetic drunks at the end of the bar.
The other drunk looks, and says “That’s a mirror.”
Good judgement is the result of experience.
Experience is usually the result of bad judgement..
Experience is usually the result of bad judgement..
Re: Jokes
I went to a bar after the Olympics last night and started talking with a bloke, sounded like he was European or Eastern European.
I asked: "Are you a pole valter?"
He said, yes, but how did you know my name was Valter?
I asked: "Are you a pole valter?"
He said, yes, but how did you know my name was Valter?
Taking a break while I get a new still completed....
Re: Jokes
Two cannibals eating a clown, one says to the other, "does this taste funny to you"?
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Zed
When the Student is ready, the Master will appear.
If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.
Zed
When the Student is ready, the Master will appear.
If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.
Re: Jokes
A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walks into a pub in Dublin She raises her right arm, revealing a huge hairy armpit. She points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks, “What man here will buy a lady a drink?”
The bar goes silent as the patrons try to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an old, owly-eyed drunk slams his hand down on the counter and bellows, “Give the ballerina a drink!”
The bartender pours the drink and the woman chugs it down. She turns to the patrons and again points around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asks, ‘What man here will buy a lady a drink?”
Once again, the same little ole drunk slaps his money down on the bar and says, “Give the ballerina another drink!”
The bartender approaches the little ole drunk and says, “Tell me, Paddy, it’s your own darn business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why in tarnation do you keep calling her the ballerina?”
The drunk replies, “Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!”
The bar goes silent as the patrons try to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an old, owly-eyed drunk slams his hand down on the counter and bellows, “Give the ballerina a drink!”
The bartender pours the drink and the woman chugs it down. She turns to the patrons and again points around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asks, ‘What man here will buy a lady a drink?”
Once again, the same little ole drunk slaps his money down on the bar and says, “Give the ballerina another drink!”
The bartender approaches the little ole drunk and says, “Tell me, Paddy, it’s your own darn business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why in tarnation do you keep calling her the ballerina?”
The drunk replies, “Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!”
I finally quit drinking for good.
now i drink for evil.
now i drink for evil.
Re: Jokes
_____________________
EXPAT
Current boiler and pot head
Cross flow condenser
Modular 3" Boka - pics tbd
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EXPAT
Current boiler and pot head
Cross flow condenser
Modular 3" Boka - pics tbd
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Boozewaves
- Swill Maker
- Posts: 232
- Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 6:16 am
- Location: Wales , UK , 3rd planet , milky way
Re: Jokes
Become a distiller : start here viewtopic.php?t=52975
Re: Jokes
The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobile laid off 25 Congressmen.
Angelina Jolie adopted an American kid.
Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street" .
I called the Suicide Hotline. Got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got excited and asked if I could drive a truck...
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobile laid off 25 Congressmen.
Angelina Jolie adopted an American kid.
Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street" .
I called the Suicide Hotline. Got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got excited and asked if I could drive a truck...
Re: Jokes
Next time your feeling down, remember life is all about perspective.
i have a friend who has sex 2-3 times a day, exercises twice a day, reads two books a week yet every day he complains about how much he hates prison!
i have a friend who has sex 2-3 times a day, exercises twice a day, reads two books a week yet every day he complains about how much he hates prison!
Taking a break while I get a new still completed....
Re: Jokes
Re: Jokes
*Warning Do not read below*
Seriously this is a terrible joke not worth wasting your time on it.
So Once there was a family, Dad, Mom, daughter and son. They lived in the suburbs in an unremarkable house living their unremarkable lives... or so it seemed. The son of this family that lived in this house did not have his own room, he stayed inside a closet. Not a metaphor. He ate in the closet, slept in the closet, didnt go to school, didnt leave the closet for any reason... ever. On his 6th birtday his father opened the closet door and said son, today you can come out of the closet, here is some money I want you to go to the shop and buy yourself a present for your birthday.
The boy was ecstatic, hugged his father and then went straight out the front door. He was in absolute awe with nature around him seeing everything for the first time grass, flowers, hedges more houses, it was all so overwhemingly beautiful. he didnt know if he would be let out of the closet again to take all this richness and bounty in so he really made the best of it. So he carried on and stopped to take everything in, petted a dog, rolled in the grass, stopped and smelled the different flowers etc.
He came upon a shop and went inside, again the amount of things were so staggeringly interesting and amazing, but here the boy truely showed his character. He decided that he would buy his father a present with the money. After choosing a suitable gift, he calculated that he still had money left and bought his mother a gift also, she does so much for him like gives him food and so on so he thought this is very justified that she should also recieve a gift. He had a little money left and then decided to buy his sister a gift also, she sometimes bumped into the closet on her way down the hall but he thought that giving her a gift would be nice for her.
Now he didnt have any money left for himself, but his reasoning was that he had had this spectacular day so far and that was more than enough reward. So the Boy left the shop and returned home wiht the gifts for his family, stopping along the way to take everything in again watching the sun setting slowly on the way and then when he finally reached home his family had moved house.
Seriously this is a terrible joke not worth wasting your time on it.
So Once there was a family, Dad, Mom, daughter and son. They lived in the suburbs in an unremarkable house living their unremarkable lives... or so it seemed. The son of this family that lived in this house did not have his own room, he stayed inside a closet. Not a metaphor. He ate in the closet, slept in the closet, didnt go to school, didnt leave the closet for any reason... ever. On his 6th birtday his father opened the closet door and said son, today you can come out of the closet, here is some money I want you to go to the shop and buy yourself a present for your birthday.
The boy was ecstatic, hugged his father and then went straight out the front door. He was in absolute awe with nature around him seeing everything for the first time grass, flowers, hedges more houses, it was all so overwhemingly beautiful. he didnt know if he would be let out of the closet again to take all this richness and bounty in so he really made the best of it. So he carried on and stopped to take everything in, petted a dog, rolled in the grass, stopped and smelled the different flowers etc.
He came upon a shop and went inside, again the amount of things were so staggeringly interesting and amazing, but here the boy truely showed his character. He decided that he would buy his father a present with the money. After choosing a suitable gift, he calculated that he still had money left and bought his mother a gift also, she does so much for him like gives him food and so on so he thought this is very justified that she should also recieve a gift. He had a little money left and then decided to buy his sister a gift also, she sometimes bumped into the closet on her way down the hall but he thought that giving her a gift would be nice for her.
Now he didnt have any money left for himself, but his reasoning was that he had had this spectacular day so far and that was more than enough reward. So the Boy left the shop and returned home wiht the gifts for his family, stopping along the way to take everything in again watching the sun setting slowly on the way and then when he finally reached home his family had moved house.
To alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems. ~Homer Simpson
Re: Jokes
Alright more to the point then.
Out in the bushveld, little old bunny rabbit was hopping along and he came across a bottle of shine that's been laying in the sun. He picks it up takes a proper swig closes it and passes right out. Not long after a Jackal happens by on the scent of the rabbit, he sees the rabbit and sees the shine bottle and decides to have a drink before his dinner. Same result, passes right out after the swig. A hyena happens on the pair and the shine bottle and does what a hyena does, drinks first.. but before he could start toothing either the jackal or the rabbit he also passes out. Picking up all these scents a lion comes upon the group, uncle lion of course being fond of grampa's cough medicine takes a good drink and passes out just as Rabbit is starting to wake up with one hell of a headache. Rabbit confused, bewildered and his head splitting in two, looks around him at the other passed out animals and recons to himself."yup just as i thought, I get pretty aggressive when i drink"...
Out in the bushveld, little old bunny rabbit was hopping along and he came across a bottle of shine that's been laying in the sun. He picks it up takes a proper swig closes it and passes right out. Not long after a Jackal happens by on the scent of the rabbit, he sees the rabbit and sees the shine bottle and decides to have a drink before his dinner. Same result, passes right out after the swig. A hyena happens on the pair and the shine bottle and does what a hyena does, drinks first.. but before he could start toothing either the jackal or the rabbit he also passes out. Picking up all these scents a lion comes upon the group, uncle lion of course being fond of grampa's cough medicine takes a good drink and passes out just as Rabbit is starting to wake up with one hell of a headache. Rabbit confused, bewildered and his head splitting in two, looks around him at the other passed out animals and recons to himself."yup just as i thought, I get pretty aggressive when i drink"...
To alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems. ~Homer Simpson
