The liar's bench

[moosemilk]

Sign me up! Where do I get my advance tickets?

[Jimbo]

Hell yes Red Rim, that shit is right in my wheelhouse. After a few bourbons the tricks will start. Make it down on foot? "HEY WATCH THIS", the mortal words immediately preceeding blood flow.

[Truckinbutch]

Hell yes Red Rim, that shit is right in my wheelhouse. After a few bourbons the tricks will start. Make it down on foot? "HEY WATCH THIS", the mortal words immediately preceeding blood flow.

You took the words right out from under my fingers on the keyboard . I see another Maalox moment in the ER .....................

[Red Rim]

Y'all are welcome to come and play.
My wife posted it on FB and 30 friends showed up.
While bringing my daughter over to enjoy the festivities, she said" you have friends that will hop on the slip and slide?". My reply was, "all my friends will do it, I wouldn't want them as friends if they didn't".
Every last person went for it.

I went through a bunch of safety precautions to try and keep the injuries to a minimum.
Fortunately, no one tried it standing up. If you fall off the edge, you have a nice bed of blackberries and pointy sticks to cushion your fall right before you smack into the river rock and drown in the river.

Tonight we added a kicker jump at the end, tomorrow I set up a stage of scaffold to add another ten feet of drop.

[ga flatwoods]

Not near as fun as riding a car hood pulled by a 4x4 in a wet field or down a wide clay road.
Ga Flatwoods

[heartcut]

My favorite use for a car hood is canal surfing, you just need to watch for posts.

[thecroweater]

yeah the bonnet can get very damn hot while being dragged down the road or across the sand have used the for water skiing , reckon there is a video somewhere of us lot skiing on one and an upside down table

[SoMo]

Car hood, snowy field and a four wheel drive, don't get any better than that. Well add in a little brandy and hot chocolate, limbers you up a bit for the dismount. Rednecks across the world apparently, no matter what continent fun is universal.

[Truckinbutch]

Car hood, snowy field and a four wheel drive, don't get any better than that. Well add in a little brandy and hot chocolate, limbers you up a bit for the dismount. Rednecks across the world apparently, no matter what continent fun is universal.

Don't leave out 50 ' of rope between the hood and the 4wd tow vehicle . 'WATCH OUT ! THEY'RE MAKIN A LEFT TURN !' Air time for the hood and who ever manages to hang on to it . Or not

[StillLearning1]

That thing needs a zip line beside it Red Rim!

I love slip and bleeds like that. Only problem is the long walk back up the hill gets old after a while. Check out Nitro Circus slip and bleeds, if that wasn't the inspiration for yours then I'm sure you will pick up some ideas from em.

[Truckinbutch]

All the good birthday wishes I got on another thread brought a tear to my eye . That , or a dog peckker gnat that got caught under my eyelid . Anyhow , it's been an interesting day . That BAC/FBI daughter of mine that threatened to dime me out if I didn't cease making untaxed spirits called yesterday . Talked to SOH . I made myself unavailable to the phone . Announced her intention to make and bring me some raisin filled molasses
cookies just like my Momma used to make for my birth day the next day .
>There's going to be a dead nuts confrontation between me and her over her attempt to run my life . SOH and I agreed that it didn't have to be on my birthday . She had a prior commitment for dinner in town with some former coworkers which I was fine with . I pissed the dogs one last time and slid out to the local Moose Lodge for the evening . Only a mile from the house on a two lane road so no risk to me . Normally stop in for a beer once or twice a week in the afternoon to catch up with the community . Couple of folks remarked about me being out past dark was unusual . Just told them that SOH had another place she needed to be and I didn't want to sit at home alone on my 64th birthday .
>That's when a 'not too hard to look at' gal down the bar got off her stool and came over to me .
"Just turned 64 and in here alone ............ Bet you'd like to have a little pussy , wouldn't ya ?"
>Well , I'm 64 but I ain't dead and I've just been challenged in front of all my peers ................................."Well , yea , ....... I guess I could use that ."
>She gave me a slap on the back and a big kiss and said , "BY GOD ! ,Buddy , I could ,too ! Mine's as big as a wash tub ! HAPPY BIRTHDAY !"
>
>
So , how was your day ?.........................................................

[bearriver]

Daggumit that's funny!
Cept' family troubles... That aint funny at all...

Anywho, I am awful glad to hear your day went well. There are lots of folks are thinking of you today, and your stories. Can't say I ever met a man like you in person. Happy Birthday Butch.

[Truckinbutch]

Daggumit that's funny!
Cept' family troubles... That aint funny at all...

Anywho, I am awful glad to hear your day went well. There are lots of folks are thinking of you today, and your stories. Can't say I ever met a man like you in person. Happy Birthday Butch.

Thank you and all the others , bearriver . SOH and I hope to do some travelin in a couple of years and hope to meet many friends from here . Some of you are bound to like us a little bit .

[moosemilk]

You ever go north of the border in my area I definitely want to meet ya. Or if I ever happen your way. Not sure where that is but if I happen that way!

And damn that was a good one...ill never see a wash tub the same again.

[thecroweater]

you getting bit slow there old fella by my reckoning , correct reply was "Stoke a luck then missy, ain't washed my face and hands fir suppa yet"

[ga flatwoods]

you getting bit slow there old fella by my reckoning , correct reply was "Stoke a luck then missy, ain't washed my face and hands fir suppa yet"

Crow you just took the whole cake! Oh, I can see it now.....
Ga Flatwoods

[Truckinbutch]

you getting bit slow there old fella by my reckoning , correct reply was "Stoke a luck then missy, ain't washed my face and hands fir suppa yet"

Stroke a luck on my part , mate .
SOH read your post and informed me that if she caught me washing my face and hands in any wash tub other than hers that there would be a lot of loud singing and slow walking in our community ..............

[SoMo]

you getting bit slow there old fella by my reckoning , correct reply was "Stoke a luck then missy, ain't washed my face and hands fir suppa yet"

Stroke a luck on my part , mate .
SOH read your post and informed me that if she caught me washing my face and hands in any wash tub other than hers that there would be a lot of loud singing and slow walking in our community ..............

It just keeps getting better, gotta wash up for supper. Honey where are you???!

[Truckinbutch]

SOH and I went to see my 'Aunt Pat' (actually cousin) for the last time today . Last time I saw her was Saturday before last at the family reunion . Didn't find a date but I did have a grand time visiting with her . 86 years young and feisty as hell . Used to beat my ass along with her own 4 kids when we got into collective trouble (frequently) . We talked of the old times and close of life issues . She was adamant about how she wanted to be laid out . 4 kids , 11 grandkids , 16 greatgrandkids , and probably 6 or 7 of us cousins the same age group as her kids knew the drill . Her kids and us contemporary cousins each had a sip of a quart of my best blackberry shine and put the remainder of the bottle under the blanket covering her in the casket . On top of the blanket was a box of her favorite tea . The crowning touch was a cotton string , seemingly present on top of the blanket due to negligence on the people at the mortuary . She had been very specific about this detail . "You folks that come to see me in life know about this . The 'sonsabitches' that come to the funeral home for appearances sake will not . Tell them this is my final word to them "
>Sure enough , some of those very folks she had been referring to filed past the casket mouthing condolences as a matter of form . Seeing that piece of string so out of place on such a beautiful blanket in such a beautiful casket they couldn't resist discreetly gathering the string to satisfy their own sense of propriety . When the string got tight , Aunt Pat got in the last word .
>The middle finger of her right hand raised in a final salute to them ...........................................................
>God bless ya , Aunt Pat , you were game beyond the end

[thecroweater]

Oh gawd , kindly relay to that long suffering lady the crow fully agrees with the sanctification of of marriage , always has always will . Those comments were tongues and cheek (no pun intended)

[S-Cackalacky]

I like Aunt Pat's spirit.

[Bigbob]

Trucking butch that referral to dog pecker gnats got me reminiscing of my old deer club. All the members were redneck( if you can belive that in SF Bay Area) we used hounds to hunt and they all talked about the dog pecker gnats! Thanks for giving me a good laugh

[ga flatwoods]

I like Aunt Pat's spirit.

SC I didnt know you had paranormal inclinations but never doubted for a minute that you were far from normal! LOL

[ga flatwoods]

I like Aunt Pat's spirit.

SC I didnt know you had paranormal inclinations but never doubted for a minute that you were far from normal! LOL

Truckinbutch if ya wake up with your eye matted with yellow green jook you can bet its more than just pinkeye. Ya dogs had all their proper shots lately? If it does swell shut matted up, I would suggest ya old lady pee in it followed by a good five way wormer!
Just trying to help but I am sure you probably knew those remedies already.
Ga Flatwoods

[Truckinbutch]

It was a Christian act on your part , Flatwoods , and I thank you .
Yes , I am familiar with those recommended treatments and use them on a regular basis .
Do ya know the ritual treatment for removing warts with a dried bean and a black cat killed under a full moon used in conjunction with a special incantation in a semitary during the dark of the moon ?

[Truckinbutch]

You ever go north of the border in my area I definitely want to meet ya. Or if I ever happen your way. Not sure where that is but if I happen that way!

And damn that was a good one...ill never see a wash tub the same again.

Not sure where you are , either . Part of my wife's roots are in Moosejaw , Sask . Visiting there is on our bucket list .We live in northern WV if your travels bring you this way . Hospitality is the language spoken in our household .

[ga flatwoods]

No TB I am not familiar with that incantation but my dad could remove warts. Took a clean jar with a lid that would seal tight, a belief that he could do it, and a walk off into the woods with the jar. Never passed it on to anyone as I know of before he passed. On occassion one will find residence with mirrows on the trees leading up the drive to their house, or even headless naked baby dolls hanging about. It is the upside down ones hung by the foot or impaled to the tree that you need worry about. Bottles and pieces of colored glass also have special uses. An old blue milk of magnesia bottle with white remnant powder is particularly potent and has caused some to up and moved when "properly" displayed on their doorstep.
Ga Flatwoods

[S-Cackalacky]

I like Aunt Pat's spirit.

SC I didnt know you had paranormal inclinations but never doubted for a minute that you were far from normal! LOL

I have great admiration for a spirit that can raise a middle finger from the other side, whether in conspiracy with the living, or not. And be aware - I'm as close to normal as I can possibly be.

[moosemilk]

Not sure where you are , either . Part of my wife's roots are in Moosejaw , Sask . Visiting there is on our bucket list .We live in northern WV if your travels bring you this way . Hospitality is the language spoken in our household .

Northern Ontario. And I actually do want to visit WV one day. My great grandmother was born there after her mother moved there from old country. Born n lived in Benwood in 1903 for awhile before moving back to old country then my great grandmother came and settled here. Maybe there is something to this hobby being "in your blood". Got the name of the church in Benwood she was baptized at even. I'll have to dig it up.

[Truckinbutch]

Wild , Moosemilk . My wife's GGF shot a guy over advances made on his sister . Took off ahead of the Law and didn't stop until he got to Moosejaw . Took time to court and marry a local girl before WW1 broke out . Enlisted and fought with COEF for the duration . After the war ended the court house burned destroying all records against him . Moved his wife back to WV and raised a large family .