The liar's bench

[moosemilk]

Damn Moose, you drank that shit?! I swear I saw Flatwoods relievin' hisself in that thang.

If that's so, I guess it's some authentic jackass juice

By the way, I swear I saw some big hairy guy ain't never seen around here while I was under there trying to sleep off the headache from that jar. Didn't talk much, just gruntin' and groaning like TB was the morning after his work party. Thought it mighta been TB hitting the jug too hard, then I noticed this feller had one of his hands missin. Ran off into that holler over there after I yelled when I tried relieving himself on the bench. This been a real pissy couple days!

[T-Pee]

JAYZ-us, moose. Say something before you come crawlin' out from under there. Thought it was somebody's damned monkey comin' out for more hell-raisin'.

tp

Considering who you are talking to is there really a difference ?

And here I was thinking that I was gettin' kinda close to actually insulting the guy.

Guess not.

tp

[ga flatwoods]

Liar bench trivia:

Who would be walking around the grounds around the area of the bench with only one hand?
Moose is disqualified from answering! How about it some of you new guys? Cranky you know?
Ga

[T-Pee]

I was kinda about that.

tp

[moosemilk]

Ya'll gotta keep up on gossip. Maybe ask a lot lizard. I overheard one of em talking bout things before my time at the bench.

[Bigbob]

I know I know!!!!

[jedneck]

Just got done working in the barn. While I was In The barn I checked on my ferment that had froze after the power went out. When it froze it cracked the drain spigot and it was leaking. Good thing I left a bucket under cause it was dripping straight 100%,alkyhal. No shit

[T-Pee]

Good thing I left a bucket under cause it was dripping straight 100%,alkyhal. No shit

You normally have shit in yor alkyhal?

tp

[jedneck]

Good thing I left a bucket under cause it was dripping straight 100%,alkyhal. No shit

You normally have shit in yor alkyhal?

tp

Only when I stress the yeast and they shit instead of piss.

[ga flatwoods]

What third world country was the monkey tracked to in an assassination attempt?
Bonus question: what began in said country , or rather ended, while attempting to kill the monkey?
Ga

[goinbroke2]

Well I don't know about any assasination attempts on a monkey but I do remember the time four of us were in the Congo and after drinking all night came back to the hotel and walked in on a one of my buddy's f$%^ing a monkey. We just froze, thought maybe we had drank too much, kind of a "pink elephant" moment. But nope, this guy was banging the shit out of an actual monkey (or ape or whatever it was, looked like Clyde, Clint Eastwoods monkey). I yelled "what the F%^& are you doing??? The monkey looked over and said "making 20 bucks the hard way".

[ga flatwoods]

LOL!
Iwent to Mexico to snipe his ass! Ended up starting a revolution by townfolks to rid the town of the Mexican mafia. Ok Big bob who is one handed?

[Bigbob]

The Bigfoot you shot his hand off and mounted it on your truck next to the chubracabra

[ga flatwoods]

I thought you were sleeping that day Bob! Many pages back now.

[Bigbob]

You told me to study.... I always respect my elders! Sir.

[thecroweater]

Just got done working in the barn. While I was In The barn I checked on my ferment that had froze after the power went out. When it froze it cracked the drain spigot and it was leaking. Good thing I left a bucket under cause it was dripping straight 100%,alkyhal. No shit

Hope ya done changed them buckets out to got ya cuts right, hope ya using them red plastic ones for red likker, bin hearing bad stuff bout that blue likker

[jedneck]

Just got done working in the barn. While I was In The barn I checked on my ferment that had froze after the power went out. When it froze it cracked the drain spigot and it was leaking. Good thing I left a bucket under cause it was dripping straight 100%,alkyhal. No shit

Hope ya done changed them buckets out to got ya cuts right, hope ya using them red plastic ones for red likker, bin hearing bad stuff bout that blue likker

I use brown bucket. I like brown likker best

[T-Pee]

What happens if you use a multi-colored bucket?

tp (setting 'em up)

[jedneck]

so I don't get in trouble.

[T-Pee]

tp

[jedneck]

[quote="T-Pee"]

tp[/quotePrick. Go ask sir Elton John.

[T-Pee]

tp

Prick. Go ask sir Elton John.

But...but...why?

tp

[goinbroke2]

LOL!
Iwent to Mexico to snipe his ass! Ended up starting a revolution by townfolks to rid the town of the Mexican mafia. Ok Big bob who is one handed?

Holy crap, look what I found on wikipedia!

Mexican Revolution
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Mexican Revolution
(Revolución Mexicana)
Collage revolución mexicana.jpg
Collage of the Mexican Revolution
Date 2014
Location Mexico
Initiated by GA Flatwoods
Belligerents Mexican Mafia versus townsfolk of Ciudad Juarez
Result Founding of the National Revolutionary Party.
Mexico Counter-revolutionary forces:
Federal troops led by Porfirio Díaz

Casualties and losses
Mexican Mafia 322
Townsfolk 13
Monkeys 1


DAMN!! I thought this was a liar's bench, but Flat is tellin' it straight!!

[moosemilk]

The Bigfoot you shot his hand off and mounted it on your truck next to the chubracabra

Ah hell, you mean not only did I drink that jar flatwoods had...we'll lea e that be, but now I find I got pissed on by a dang sasquatch?

I guess it ain't too bad.....i was kinda worried it mighta been bigbob runnin off without his kilt (shudder). no offense bigbob, just not a great image.

Back to my drink. Sipping on some really nice white at little over proof. Goes past the lips like silk, down like water, and warms it's way up. Damn happy with this. Happy new year to all ya fools I met at the bench this past year. Been a helluva ride and I ain't getting of this train. Cheers to ya all! Best damn bunch of guys I never met!

[Bigbob]

HAPPY NEW YEAR YOU BUNCH OF DEGENERATES! And I bet that the report of the monkeys death is exaggerated!

[moosemilk]

OK, so I've had a few, and this is the bench so what the hell. Anybody here believe in sasquatch or had anything? The reason I ask, and call me damn crazy if you want, but I swear as a child I saw one. Only swmbo knows about this. As a kid I spent time out at a family camp. The bedroom Window was much to high for any adult person, even if they were seven foot as the camp was on stilts. I have a very vivid memory all my life, and like I said told nobody bit my wife. What I remember clear as day is a face peering into that Window. It wasn't human. It wasn't just no glance. It was what seemed an eternity looking as it looked at me before I dared move and hide under my blankets. Now over the years, there has been several accounts at this same lake, even by one of a respected police officer, describing what I saw.

I'm an avid outdoorsman. Avid hunter of deer, moose, bear, and small game. I've never seen anything else yet. I've had that "feeling" while hunting. Heard strange noises (and I know my wildlife, and it just didn't add up). But I've never seen anything again.

OK, maybe I'm just insane. Pass me the damn jug so I can forget that childhood image!

* spitooooooh*
(as Ripley would say....believe it or not)

[ga flatwoods]

Sas's like truck stop hoes.

[HDNB]

The reason I ask, and call me damn crazy if you want, but I swear as a child I saw one.

snuck some likker into the camp huh?

not that i'm a believer or non believer...but i've seen ded people. not often, but in the right place at the right time. the most vivid "ghost" ive seen was that of a horse. In an old barn on the farm, long before i got here a horse died in a stall. Years went by, the barn aged and it was without a doubt a spooky place.
After my family moved here i often walked through the barn without lights. in the day time the small windows offered dim illumination, but without sunshine it was black as the inside of a cow in there.
I saw this horse many times. in dim light it was more active and harder to "see", but as the light failed the image of the animal grew brighter, but it didn't move around as much.

"They" say the only way to release an animals spirit that has died in such a way is to raze the building. A few years ago the old barn had to go, and new one built in it's place. I still walk around with no lights on often... but i have never seen the old grey in the new barn. I Hope she's off to greener pastures.

[ga flatwoods]

I have had premonitions and visitations but never actually seen such as a spirit or haint while awake. But I believe there is such thing. Always searching for a nymphomaniac ghost and willing to help send her on to the hereafter....
Ga Flatwoods

[T-Pee]

Lived in a house that was thoroughly haunted. All of us saw or heard things at one time or another.
I've always wanted to go back again and ask the present residents if they've had anything "unusual" happen to them.

tp