Home Distiller

Posted: **Fri Oct 02, 2020 3:56 pm**

She's gotta catch me first TB.

Not saying I wouldn't let her...

I used to live within a stones throw of a family that all died of mysterious head injuries.

Posted: **Fri Oct 02, 2020 4:20 pm**

Ya ever wonder.....

What if, Bob Ross was actually a serial killer and his paintings were locations of the burials????

Hmmmm?

Posted: **Fri Oct 02, 2020 4:22 pm**

Feminist.....what a weird way to spell fat and single....

Posted: **Fri Oct 02, 2020 4:36 pm**

Wife's in a bad mood..she asked if I knew the " similarities between covid and pussy"
I said no, what?

She said "You won't get either tonight" then went upstairs

Posted: **Fri Oct 02, 2020 4:59 pm**

goinbroke2 wrote: ↑Fri Oct 02, 2020 4:36 pm Wife's in a bad mood..she asked if I knew the " similarities between covid and pussy"
I said no, what?

She said "You won't get either tonight" then went upstairs

Might as well just stay in the garage then. Stills need lovin too.

Posted: **Fri Oct 02, 2020 5:39 pm**

Must be this first full moon of the month . Got them all riled up .
SOH told me tonight that when I was retired and she works 50-60 hrs a week she could use a hand with the housework .............
And then , at the end of the third clap , informed me that if she heard one more clap ; I would awake tomorrow with sutures where my balls used to be .............
For real , just happened ...... I didn't clap a fourth time and I will be sleeping on the couch tonight .

Posted: **Sat Oct 03, 2020 6:01 am**

no joke

Posted: **Sat Oct 03, 2020 11:18 am**

Very true...no joke, " Did you blah blah blah...." No ! I didn't or I don't remember if I did !

example...Did you leave the bottle of yellow mustard on the roof of the SUV ?
Me...No ! Why would I do that...so no, I didn't or I don't remember if I did !

Posted: **Sat Oct 03, 2020 8:28 pm**

Me: see that marbling, that would make awesome grilling meat!

Everyone else at the autopsy: wtf is wrong with you???

Posted: **Sat Oct 03, 2020 8:43 pm**

I was going to tell a dead baby joke,

But I decided to abort.

You find it offensive, I find it funny, that's why I'm happier than you...

Posted: **Sat Oct 03, 2020 8:45 pm**

Fun fact:

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

Posted: **Sat Oct 03, 2020 11:43 pm**

goinbroke2 wrote: ↑Sat Oct 03, 2020 8:45 pm Fun fact:

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

You will see yourself out without assistance , I assume . (SARC OFF )

Posted: **Sun Oct 04, 2020 4:43 am**

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Neither, it was the rooster!

Posted: **Sun Oct 04, 2020 12:59 pm**

Posted: **Sun Oct 04, 2020 6:52 pm**

At the National Art Gallery, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.
Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white patriarchal society . "In fact", he pointed out, "Some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society".

After the curator left, an Newfie approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"

"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery", asked the couple?

"Because I am the artist, who painted the picture", he replied, "In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all.
They're just three Newfie coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch"

Posted: **Mon Oct 05, 2020 6:11 am**

During the Middle Ages, to celebrate the end of a plague or famine, they would have orgies and drink.
Does anyone know if there's anything like that planned???

Posted: **Mon Oct 05, 2020 7:00 am**

I've just released my own personal fragrance.

Nobody in the car liked it.

Posted: **Mon Oct 05, 2020 10:35 am**

Wife told the therapist that I made two personal fat jokes about her yesterday. Of course I said it was a lie!
Therapist asked, why would she remember you saying them then?
I said, elephants never forget.

Now even the therapist is being bitchy....

Posted: **Mon Oct 05, 2020 2:12 pm**

Bushman wrote: ↑Sun Oct 04, 2020 6:52 pm At the National Art Gallery, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.
Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white patriarchal society . "In fact", he pointed out, "Some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society".

After the curator left, an Newfie approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"

"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery", asked the couple?

"Because I am the artist, who painted the picture", he replied, "In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all.
They're just three Newfie coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch"

E2C27C1B-369A-4570-AEE2-47027A7371AC.jpeg

This can be used in some discussion here.

Posted: **Mon Oct 05, 2020 5:50 pm**

Bugler Broke into my house so I put a red dot on his chest and let the cat do the rest.

Posted: **Mon Oct 05, 2020 6:24 pm**

Posted: **Mon Oct 05, 2020 7:02 pm**

goinbroke2 wrote: ↑Mon Oct 05, 2020 5:50 pm Bugler Broke into my house so I put a red dot on his chest and let the cat do the rest.

I considered that a joke until we got our most recent cat . She has that capability and is very aggressive toward red and green dots .6# at 6 months and stands on her hind legs and attacks an Aussie Blue Heeler 40# dog . And SOH , whose weight we will not discuss if we value our lives ...

Posted: **Tue Oct 06, 2020 2:32 pm**

Truckinbutch wrote: ↑Mon Oct 05, 2020 7:02 pm
goinbroke2 wrote: ↑Mon Oct 05, 2020 5:50 pm Bugler Broke into my house so I put a red dot on his chest and let the cat do the rest.
I considered that a joke until we got our most recent cat . She has that capability and is very aggressive toward red and green dots .6# at 6 months and stands on her hind legs and attacks an Aussie Blue Heeler 40# dog . And SOH , whose weight we will not discuss if we value our lives ...

Use a laser pointer and the cats go nuts!

Posted: **Tue Oct 06, 2020 3:15 pm**

I ran a cat up a fellers leg with one of them lasers a few years back

the rest of that story might need to go on the liars bench

cause it was no joke

Posted: **Tue Oct 06, 2020 3:22 pm**

When my wife got her S&W 38 in came with a grip laser...the intrusions in the box said..."Making bad people make the right decisions" which pretty much sums it up...and at 25 to 30 the hole is exactly on the laser dot, which is petty damn scary.

Posted: **Tue Oct 06, 2020 4:21 pm**

Not scary just accurate my 15 year old daughter can blow a target up at 200 yards with an sks prone position

Posted: **Tue Oct 06, 2020 4:36 pm**

Durhommer wrote: ↑Tue Oct 06, 2020 4:21 pm Not scary just accurate my 15 year old daughter can blow a target up at 200 yards with an sks prone position

Iron sights or scoped ?

Posted: **Wed Oct 07, 2020 2:45 am**

This is joke forum .Lets keep it there ,

Posted: **Wed Oct 07, 2020 1:25 pm**

What's black and white and red all over....

Posted: **Wed Oct 07, 2020 1:40 pm**

uhhhh,... I give up?

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