Jokes

[Bryan1]

or put ring on the finger

[VLAGAVULVIN]

who let the hormone out

[HDNB]

Q: What do you understand now that you are older, that was lost on you as a younger person?

A: Why the grinch wanted to live alone with his dog.

[VLAGAVULVIN]

Q: What do you understand now that you are older, that was lost on you as a younger person?

A: Why the grinch wanted to live alone with his dog.

It's my second day thinking about exactly the same. Have slept about 10 or 20 minutes this night. Getting a year older is no picnic. Motorway, workday in the office, noone cares. Still angry, still alive?..

[The Baker]

Hang in there, Vlag.

I always enjoy hearing from you...

Geoff

[HDNB]

wife sent me a text: where r u?
me: kitchen
wife: feed the cat
me: i meant garage
wife: bring in the laundry
me: in bathroom now
wife: clean the toilet
me: at a hotel in Idaho
wife: pick up some potatoes

[HDNB]

overheard at the local bar

Has anyone ever had a pet taxidermy? Any idea how much it costs?

Guy across the table: I stuffed a pussy once. Cost me a house and two cars.

[VLAGAVULVIN]

Hang in there, Vlag.

I always enjoy hearing from you...

Geoff

I do hang in: where do I go from the submarine, lol?

Cheers, man

P.S. Coming back to Grinch and his dog... Shouldn't I buy a farm? Deep in the mountain forests of Bashkiria...

[HDNB]

Hang in there, Vlag.

I always enjoy hearing from you...

Geoff

I do hang in: where do I go from the submarine, lol?

Cheers, man

P.S. Coming back to Grinch and his dog... Shouldn't I buy a farm? Deep in the mountain forests of Bashkiria...

buy? just move into a cave on public lands!

and if you think getting another year older is tough....remember, it's better than the alternative.

[subbrew]

Q: What do you understand now that you are older, that was lost on you as a younger person?

A: Why the grinch wanted to live alone with his dog.

It's my second day thinking about exactly the same. Have slept about 10 or 20 minutes this night. Getting a year older is no picnic. Motorway, workday in the office, noone cares. Still angry, still alive?..

Hey Vlag, you are not alone. Probably part of why we distill. Takes the edge off. You would be surprised how many people care and notice. People here that always look for your posts. I do, they are always well written. People you interact with everyday that don't say anything but notice.

You are right, getting old is not for the weak. My body is paying me back for the abuse it took in my younger days. But what age does give you is experience. and with a little luck that experience gives wisdom. There are times when I really really enjoy that wisdom so I don't make stupid moves I would have 25 years ago.

Anyhow, always people here to talk with. Head of to the liars bench and we will do a virtual bench and chat away

[juana_b]

Q: What do you understand now that you are older, that was lost on you as a younger person?

A: Why the grinch wanted to live alone with his dog.

It's my second day thinking about exactly the same. Have slept about 10 or 20 minutes this night. Getting a year older is no picnic. Motorway, workday in the office, noone cares. Still angry, still alive?..

I know the feeling well. When in the middle of a shitty situation, it's damn near impossible to remember that it's only temporary.

My ex tried to move the kids back to mainland without even asking me. My oldest son had the insight to not get on the plane as he was thinking of me being left to move ALL of the family's belongings to my next place alone. It was just me and him when the lockdown was put in place. Wondering when we'd see the others. I didn't sleep for 4 months. Only after that shitshow was over did I see that I had been straddling the sane/insane line.
But now I only have 87 other problems and can appreciate how I handled it.

It is also easy for our brains to come to the conclusion that no one cares. We are the starring role in our own movies and everyone else is an extra. That gets reversed when we realize we are an extra in everyone else's movie.

I don't know you VLAG, but I know that it's those few moments that make all the bullshit worth it, and you've given us some of those moments. Thank you.

Maybe a massage would help?

This reminds me of a night job years ago:
The apprentice walked in talking about the rub n' tug he just got, she said to him "5 dollars more you want finger up butt?". I fucking lost it laughing and I said "I'll give her 50 bucks to put her foot in your ass".

I guess the joke thread IS right for this.

Laughin' jus' to keep from cryin' sometimes, right?

Take care brother. This too shall pass.

[EricTheRed]

This reminds me of a night job years ago:
The apprentice walked in talking about the rub n' tug he just got, she said to him "5 dollars more you want finger up butt?". I fucking lost it laughing and I said "I'll give her 50 bucks to put her foot in your ass".

I guess the joke thread IS right for this.

Laughin' jus' to keep from cryin' sometimes, right?

Take care brother. This too shall pass.

hilarious

[VLAGAVULVIN]

Thanks for your kind words full of wisdom, fellas! I was just "pleasantly touched".
Physically, I'm as strong and cheer as some nimble cat that was lucky to run away from the vet saving his balls. Still I can run, I can swim, I can cycle, I can hike, I can f*k... I get lotsa support from my wife and we have enough money so far...
Here the matter is a little different. Looks like I'm getting more and more disillusioned with mankind. Having not enough managed to be illusioned by it in my youth. The "elites" in particular piss me off. And all the crap they do. But let's not talk about it all here
Despondency is a sin, and all diseases are from unnecessary experiences (all those fingers in the urethra up ones' butts). Cheers!

[jonnys_spirit]

Ya gotta start with a finger if ur ever gonna get up to the elbow….

[VLAGAVULVIN]

Ya gotta start with a finger if ur ever gonna get up to the elbow….

2 in da pinky, 1 in da stinky since the arm does not split in two at the elbow, you will have to use the second...

[Yummyrum]

Oiii , fella's …. Jokes forum…. keep the smut down

[HDNB]

I recently picked up a book on anti-gravity flight. I can't put it down.

[VLAGAVULVIN]

My wife burned over 8000 calories yesterday. Left the brownies in the oven too long.

My son asked me today: can I have a bookmark? I burst into tears. He's 11 years old and still doesn't know my name is James.

A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night. — Oof?!.

I recently started a band called 999 Megabytes. It's all good but we haven't got a gig yet.

What happens if you eat aluminium foil? — You sheet metal.

[CoogeeBoy]

My wife burned over 8000 calories yesterday. Left the brownies in the oven too long.

My son asked me today: can I have a bookmark? I burst into tears. He's 11 years old and still doesn't know my name is James.

A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night. — Oof?!.

I recently started a band called 999 Megabytes. It's all good but we haven't got a gig yet.

What happens if you eat aluminium foil? — You sheet metal.

Can I use those?

[VLAGAVULVIN]

Can I use those?

in any way and at any time

[HDNB]

My penis was in the Guinness book of world records.

Then the librarian told me i was drunk and to put it away and go home.

[VLAGAVULVIN]

My penis was in the Guinness book of world records.

Then the librarian told me i was drunk and to put it away and go home.

In RU, one may literally put one's d!ck on smth. That means he (or even she!) doesn't give a f*ck about smth. at all.

So, lemme just put my d!ck onto the Guiness beer book, gentlemen

[Yummyrum]

My penis was in the Guinness book of world records.

Then the librarian told me i was drunk and to put it away and go home.

In RU, one may literally put one's d!ck on smth. That means he (or even she!) doesn't give a f*ck about smth. at all.

So, lemme just put my d!ck onto the Guiness beer book, gentlemen

I must be getting old .Had to google smth … it means something …. Just in case anyones wondering .

[VLAGAVULVIN]

Had to google smth … it means something ….

Were there any other suggestions?
Like Ms. Smith and so on...

Just in case anyones wondering .

By the way... "those Russians" do not experience the slightest discomfort putting their d!cks on "smb.", too

Don't google it: smb. stands for somebody, afaik. Now don't google also afaik, etc.

[Yummyrum]

Jesus . NFI what smb is Vlag … google was no use either .
Yiu gotta explain that one … wait …. do we want to know

Yeah , what the hell

[contrahead]

Just finished googling - "long pepper".
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“If a man, after anointing his ligham with the mixture of the powders of the white thorn apple (Datura stramonium), the long pepper, the black pepper and honey, engages in sexual union with a woman, he makes her subject to his will”

– The Kama Sutra of Vatsyayana – 400 BCE and 200 CE
---------------------------------

[HDNB]

Just finished googling - "long pepper".
----------------------------------

“If a man, after anointing his ligham with the mixture of the powders of the white thorn apple (Datura stramonium), the long pepper, the black pepper and honey, engages in sexual union with a woman, he makes her subject to his will”

– The Kama Sutra of Vatsyayana – 400 BCE and 200 CE
---------------------------------

longpepper.jpg

Dunno if this was more of a PSA, FYI kind of thing, or a joke....but it made my wife laugh.

[Tummydoc]

Im having a hard time getting past thorn apple on my lingham

[Tummydoc]

Maybe i should clarify... a difficult time!

[whiskymonster]

Just finished googling - "long pepper".
----------------------------------

“If a man, after anointing his ligham with the mixture of the powders of the white thorn apple (Datura stramonium), the long pepper, the black pepper and honey, engages in sexual union with a woman, he makes her subject to his will”

– The Kama Sutra of Vatsyayana – 400 BCE and 200 CE
---------------------------------

longpepper.jpg

So an early form of panty dropper then?

Ill stick with the recipe i have thanks.

Not so sure about anointing my ligham with it but hey, its strawberry flavoured. Might just be worth a try....