Home Distiller

I aint settled down. Just to damned buzy. Did hang a few big steers in cooler. 8 that dressed over 1000lbs and 4 of those where over 1100. Yup i stayin buzy. Herr is a few hunks of dried venison to help get the hungry pains dulled

the kids are keeping me more than busy, squeezing in a fun hour or so a night here and there, take this bottle and pass it arou--- oops, baby's crying I'll be back later...

Truckinbutch wrote:Our friend Flatwoods ; resident poet laureate of 'The Liar's Bench' .

And thanks from me.

Geoff

Truckinbutch wrote:Yep . Seems that all our rowdy friends done settled down . Don't know if we can spark them up or not .

Hey ya flat faced scabby bastard! How ya doin'??? This bottles empty and I don't wanna walk back to the truck (you bastards would probably take my seat....and heave it over the bank on me) What choo got dere?? Mmmm, smells pretty good, mmtastes good too...shit this ones empty too?

WHO TOOK ALL THE LIKKER???

Is my zipper down?....should be...I'm pissin'......

Ahh, hell, goin to the truck for another quart, WHO'S WITH ME??? YYYEEEEHHHAAAAA!!!

Iz zat firecrackers or iz subbody chootin at.....where da hell is my truck....all I know iz, I aint goin to mexico again and that fucking TB painting my toenails....did I lock my door?

Where am I and why am I here?

Who puked in the toaster?

GB2, y'all not drunk nuff yet, here have some more.

Drink up , buddy .
Lessee , where did I put my nail polish .........................

yeah can smell nail polish too but I think its coming from Swingindick's bottle. Silly bugger prolly has a case of that paint stripper Behind the seat, reckon we aorta do the phantom. Wait up I think he's passed out in the truck, leave a bucket of water and lock it up I reckon, he'll be a sorry boy sometime tomorra

Where's our Goddess ? This thread kinda went dark when she quit gracing us with her presence .
'The Liar's Bench' is as lonely as an archery range without you .

......mrph.....mluch....uuuuhhhh, its daylight... glad I locked the truck when I crawled in here.

Ooh, water....thanks whoever left that.

Is that a bottle sitting on the bench over there? Better go take a looksee.


Hey y'all, waaazzzzuuuuuppp! blah, something ain't right, I think I'll add somemore water...

Two pints in and i am cracking the human genome....


Watch out.

Just got back from my cousins 50th birthday and me and the misses 25th anniversary.
My cousin is the infamous "Dave" who doesn't want to post on here but comes on once in a while. completely converted from turbo's and shit to a 60L SS propane still that will soon be electric.
So, took the motorhome Friday, drove 7hr's and showed up at "drunkoclock" (everyone else, not me of course) Met me at the door of the motorhome with a mason jar of moonjam. What's moonjam you say? Well, Dave was cleaning out his mothers basement so they could install a new fernace and found literally a couple hundred jars of pickles/jams/everything in one back corner. So, he opened the jars (couldn't read the labels or the labels were missing) and if it was jam, put it in a fermenting bucket. After a pile of it, added hot water and yeast. Distilled it twice and what came out was a variety of berry flavoured neutral. NOT BAD at all. Since he makes neutrals only, I sampled numerous creations, one which was peach. I forgot to get the recipe, but when I do I'll post it, holy crap it was good!

So, Saturday was the party. Waking up sat morning still drunk from Fri night, we proceeded to consume numerous mason jars of shine. People started showing up. 7 others are home distillers and brought more than one could drink if you know what I mean. Probably 50 people at the party, had movies playing from when we were younger (of course mud bogging and playing in the river etc) The women made a sign on the front door that said "party rules" and I can't remember all but there was no dancing on the table, island ok. drink everything, don't want left overs. Puke in the toilet only! NO DRAMA! (due to several women that regularly get in fistfights when there's alcohol involved) some more rules I don't remember.
Had a hell of a time and played guitar until 5am or so when I realised I couldn't breath due to the amount of cigarette smoke (non smoker, never smoked in life) Went outside and the boys were showing off a truck they just got on the road (78 ford, built 460, 44's etc) Thought it might break into a mud bog but never did.

Sun morning staggered around until nascar started at 4pm, not into roundy round stuff but everyone else is so I made a shit load of poutine and had more likker.
Woke up Mon and headed for home around noon. About 2hr's from home hit the snowstorm and proceeded at 30mph due to stupid timid drivers. Got home around 9pm and crashed on the couch.

Got to work this morning and all hell had broken loose, you think I'd of been gone a month.

Well , that was my long weekend..oh, I gave the wife some silver earrings and took her out to dinner on the way home as the 20th was the actual day.

How a one armed man counts his change....


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Truckinbutch wrote:Where's our Goddess ? This thread kinda went dark when she quit gracing us with her presence .
'The Liar's Bench' is as lonely as an archery range without you .

Just watchin from afar young man, and keepin myself outa trouble.

Guess I will set this jug of 3 year old five grain on the bench for any thirsty passerby that may need a quick swaller.

Well its been hot and wet here so a couple of ale81s left there with it wouldn't go astray. Got so dern hot the other day in desperation I drank straight water, not a proud moment.

thecroweater wrote:Well its been hot and wet here so a couple of ale81s left there with it wouldn't go astray. Got so dern hot the other day in desperation I drank straight water, not a proud moment.

Don't know as I ever got that desperate . That must have been some dire straights .

Truckinbutch wrote:

thecroweater wrote:Well its been hot and wet here so a couple of ale81s left there with it wouldn't go astray. Got so dern hot the other day in desperation I drank straight water, not a proud moment.

Don't know as I ever got that desperate . That must have been some dire straights .

Ya gotta be careful with that stuff it's addictive. i went for years with only gettin' water from ice cubes...it was kind of a gateway...one day I tried a glass straight up, that fancy reverse osmosis water...now it's like i'm hooked, can't get enough of it. the more i drink the thirstier i get!!!

Bottled water is really big here, more expensive than soft drink and juice, its just astounding. It only needs to be 5% spring water to be labeled as such rest is plain ole tap water that you can get for nix and the marketing, jeez loo weez ya have to wait til election time to here its equal. Read some mob called Culligans have started bottling flint water again that stuff should really put some lead in ya pencil .

corene1 wrote:Guess I will set this jug of 3 year old five grain on the bench for any thirsty passerby that may need a quick swaller.

Thankye kindly , gracious Goddess .
Been kind of dry here on account of helping grandkids with their deer harvest . 7 grandkids from 2 to 16 . 5 deer on the meat pole after the first week of gun season .
Trophy goes to the 9 year old granddaughter that thumped a 10 point whitetail with one shot . Her second deer .
All of them fetch and stretch what they kill and cook em , too .
Kinda pity any pussyboys that come courtin to their doorstep . Gonna take men to get them to step out .
That 6'2" 16 year old grandson , on the other hand , is havin a difficult time sortin through the ladies what want to keep time with a man such as him .
Ahhh ............... The wonder years of youth ...............

thecroweater wrote:Bottled water is really big here, more expensive than soft drink and juice, its just astounding. It only needs to be 5% spring water to be labeled as such rest is plain ole tap water that you can get for nix and the marketing, jeez loo weez ya have to wait til election time to here its equal. Read some mob called Culligans have started bottling flint water again that stuff should really put some lead in ya pencil .

At least that pencil is going to leave a mark when it writes . That Flint water carries a stain .

Truckinbutch wrote:

corene1 wrote:Guess I will set this jug of 3 year old five grain on the bench for any thirsty passerby that may need a quick swaller.

Thankye kindly , gracious Goddess .
Been kind of dry here on account of helping grandkids with their deer harvest . 7 grandkids from 2 to 16 . 5 deer on the meat pole after the first week of gun season .
Trophy goes to the 9 year old granddaughter that thumped a 10 point whitetail with one shot . Her second deer .
All of them fetch and stretch what they kill and cook em , too .
Kinda pity any pussyboys that come courtin to their doorstep . Gonna take men to get them to step out .
That 6'2" 16 year old grandson , on the other hand , is havin a difficult time sortin through the ladies what want to keep time with a man such as him .
Ahhh ............... The wonder years of youth ...............

Maybe you should look into gettin them a bow fer Christmas, Might ease up all the guttin and skinin a bit. Then agin it might double your work by havin to do it fer 2 seasons stead of jus one.

corene1 wrote:

Truckinbutch wrote:

corene1 wrote:Guess I will set this jug of 3 year old five grain on the bench for any thirsty passerby that may need a quick swaller.

Thankye kindly , gracious Goddess .
Been kind of dry here on account of helping grandkids with their deer harvest . 7 grandkids from 2 to 16 . 5 deer on the meat pole after the first week of gun season .
Trophy goes to the 9 year old granddaughter that thumped a 10 point whitetail with one shot . Her second deer .
All of them fetch and stretch what they kill and cook em , too .
Kinda pity any pussyboys that come courtin to their doorstep . Gonna take men to get them to step out .
That 6'2" 16 year old grandson , on the other hand , is havin a difficult time sortin through the ladies what want to keep time with a man such as him .
Ahhh ............... The wonder years of youth ...............

Maybe you should look into gettin them a bow fer Christmas, Might ease up all the guttin and skinin a bit. Then agin it might double your work by havin to do it fer 2 seasons stead of jus one.

They already doin that Robinhood thing . I was just scoring 1 week of gun season . 2 of the girls and the oldest grandson are trappers as well .
Archery is a respected skill in our family .
Stacy Groscup was my friend and mentor .
He would have liked you .

If you want some formal training for them archers TB load em up in dat moto house and bring em to me. I had to quit shooting straight at da targets years ago. I now shoot nearly vertical for more sport! Man it smacks em when it comes down from out of eyeshot high in the atmosphere! Just dont go for head shots no more. Pile drove one while eating rye grass with his head down. Fletch glu hung on a horn and the arrow buried into a live oak root. It was bad!
Here have a shot of Blackbeard's Treasure-Whiskey! Drinking good stuff tonight!
GA Flatwoods

ga flatwoods wrote:If you want some formal training for them archers TB load em up in dat moto house and bring em to me. I had to quit shooting straight at da targets years ago. I now shoot nearly vertical for more sport! Man it smacks em when it comes down from out of eyeshot high in the atmosphere! Just dont go for head shots no more. Pile drove one while eating rye grass with his head down. Fletch glu hung on a horn and the arrow buried into a live oak root. It was bad!
Here have a shot of Blackbeard's Treasure-Whiskey! Drinking good stuff tonight!
GA Flatwoods

Flatwoods, you are the man . I would love to spend a day in the woods watchin you shoot stuff. It would be a hoot for sure. How you plan for wind drift when it's comin from so high up!

Thanks for the sip , Flatwoods . Can't stay long . Dryin 10# of deer jerky for the oldest grandson and it's goin a bit long . He cut it too thick and it's drying slow .
Makin it rough on Pap what's been doing hillbilly cardio for the last couple of weeks .
Dr wanted me to go to rehab and I told her ,"NOT !" .
I mean ; twice a week I got to shower and shave and put my teeth in and go off to town and pay big $ to some spandex clad wuss for him to tell me just how to exercise myself for my rehabilitation ........ I don't think so ...
Carried my happy ass to Tractor Supply and bought a new chainsaw . That gal at the checkout didn't mind that I hadn't shaved that day . I kinda like her so I did put my teeth in .
Anyhow , I put that saw in the bucket of the loader on the tractor I got as part of Daddy's estate settlement and went to righting wrongs done to my farm in the last few years .
I end every day sore and hurting . Would have been the same with rehab except I'm gaining things in the process instead of payin those dicks money for the privilege of feeling pain .

corene1 wrote:

ga flatwoods wrote:If you want some formal training for them archers TB load em up in dat moto house and bring em to me. I had to quit shooting straight at da targets years ago. I now shoot nearly vertical for more sport! Man it smacks em when it comes down from out of eyeshot high in the atmosphere! Just dont go for head shots no more. Pile drove one while eating rye grass with his head down. Fletch glu hung on a horn and the arrow buried into a live oak root. It was bad!
Here have a shot of Blackbeard's Treasure-Whiskey! Drinking good stuff tonight!
GA Flatwoods

Flatwoods, you are the man . I would love to spend a day in the woods watchin you shoot stuff. It would be a hoot for sure. How you plan for wind drift when it's comin from so high up!

Corene , remember who you're talkin to .
He's providing the dominate wind and that gives him all the control he needs .

Truckinbutch wrote:

corene1 wrote:

ga flatwoods wrote:If you want some formal training for them archers TB load em up in dat moto house and bring em to me. I had to quit shooting straight at da targets years ago. I now shoot nearly vertical for more sport! Man it smacks em when it comes down from out of eyeshot high in the atmosphere! Just dont go for head shots no more. Pile drove one while eating rye grass with his head down. Fletch glu hung on a horn and the arrow buried into a live oak root. It was bad!
Here have a shot of Blackbeard's Treasure-Whiskey! Drinking good stuff tonight!
GA Flatwoods

Flatwoods, you are the man . I would love to spend a day in the woods watchin you shoot stuff. It would be a hoot for sure. How you plan for wind drift when it's comin from so high up!

Corene , remember who you're talkin to .
He's providing the dominate wind and that gives him all the control he needs .

Corene, I watch smoke and practice A LOT!

Best damned lie on the bench lately! Or, not!

I'm always around these here parts and thought I'd drop off a bottle for the bench to sip, I'll keep on the side lines till I have my own story to tell but cheers to yall!!!

An old poem written about the "liars bench" on an old freight vessel from the early 1900's called "the SS Kyle", which is now run aground in a place not far from my home. You can Google that for some history lol

Written by Ted Russell

Tall are the tales that fishermen tell when summer's work is done,
Of fish they've caught, of birds they've shot, of crazy risks they've run.
But never did a fisherman tell a tale, so tall by a half a mile,
As Grampa Walcott told one night in the Smokeroom on the Kyle.

With 'baccy smoke from twenty pipes, the atmosphere was blue.
There was many a "Have another boy" and "Don't mind if I do." When somebody
suggested that each in turn should spin,
A yarn about some circumstance he'd personally been in.


Then tales were told of gun barrels bent to shoot around the cliff,
Of men thawed out and brought to life that had been frozen stiff,
Of bark pots carried off by flies, of pathways chopped through fog,
Of woodsman Bill who, barefoot, kicked the knots out of a twelve inch log.


The loud applause grew louder still when Uncle Mickey Shea,
Told of the big potato he grew in Gander Bay.
Too big to fit through the cellar door, it lay at rest nearby,
Until, one rainy night that fall, the pig drowned in it's eye.


But meanwhile in a corner, his grey head slightly bowed,
Sat Grampa Walcott, eighty-eight, the oldest of the crowd.
Upon his weatherbeaten face there beamed a quiet grin,
When someone shouted, "Grampa, 'tis your turn to chip in."


"Oh, no boys, leave me out," said Grampa. "Oh thanks, don't mind if I do.
Ah, well alright boys, if you insist, I'll tell you one that's true.
It's a story about jigging squids I'm going to relate,
And it happened in Pigeon Inlet in Eighteen eighty-eight.


Me, I was just a bedlamer then, fishin' with my Dad,
And prospects for the that season, they were looking pretty bad.
Now, the caplin scull was over and that hadn't been too bright,
And here was August come and gone and nar a squid in sight.


Day after day we searched for squid, 'til dark from the crack of dawn.
We dug up clams and cock n' hens 'til even these were gone.
And still no squids so, in despair, we give it up for good,
Took our gear ashore and went cutting firewood.


Now, one morning, while out in the woods with all the other men,
And wondering if we'd ever see another squid again.
Father broke his axe that day so we were the first ones out,
And as we neared the landwash, we heard the women shout.


"Come hurry boys, the squids are in." Well, we jumped aboard our boat,
And started out the harbour, the only crew afloat.
But soon our keel began to scrunch like scrapin' over skids.
"Father," says I, "we've run aground." "Me son," says he, "that's squids."


Said he, "The jigger, heave it out," and quick as a flash I did,
And soon as it struck the water, 'twas grappled by a squid.
I hauled it in and what do you think? As soon as he crossed the rail,
I'll be darned if there wasn't a second squid clung on to the first one's
tail.


And another clung to that one and so on in a string.
I tried to shake 'em loose but Father said "You foolish thing.
You've got something was never seen before in Newfoundland.
Drop the jigger, grab the string and haul hand over hand."


I hauled that string of squids aboard 'til the boat could hold no more,
And then we hitched it in the risings and rowed for the shore.
Now the men were coming from the woods, they'd heard the women bawl,
But Father said, "Don't hurry boys, we've squid enough for all."


So Uncle Jimmy, he took the string until he had enough,
And, neighbour-like, he handed it on to Skipper Levi Cuff.
Well, from stage to stage that string was passed throughout the whole night
long,
'Til daylight found it on Eastern Point with Uncle Billy Strong.


Now Uncle Bill, quite thoughtfully, before he went to bed,
Took two half-hitches of that string 'round the grump on his stagehead.
Next morning Hartley's Harbour heard the news and up they come,
In a trap skiff with three pair of oars to tow the string down home.


And when Hartley's Harbour had enough, the following afternoon,
That string went on from place to place until it reached Quirpon.
Now, what happened to it after that, well I don't exactly know.
But some folks say that it crossed the Straits and ended in Forteau.


Yes, tall are the tales that fishermen tell when summer's work is done,
Of fish they've caught and birds they've shot and crazy risks they've run.
But never did a fisherman tell a tale, so tall be a half a mile,
As Grampa Walcott told that night in the Smokeroom on the Kyle.