learn and enjoy@same time

inspeedway · Post by **inspeedway** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 6:50 am

borrowed this from my other hobbys site!! learn and get a chuckle!
i see myself here and i bet 90% of you folks got curious minds too!

Last weekend at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a 100,000-volt pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on an assailant. The idea is to allow my wife -- who would never consider a gun --adequate time to retreat to safety.

WAY TOO COOL!! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded in two triple-a batteries and pushed the button.

Nothing! I was disappointed. But then I read (yes, 'read') that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs and I'd know it was working. Awesome!!! (Actually, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave).

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?!!

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and
thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched
delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. So, I'm sitting
there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, "don't do it," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.

I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION @!@$$!%!@*!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, and
body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position,
and tingling in my legs.

You should know, if you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, that there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. SON-OF-A-... A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected what little wits I had left, sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there??? My triceps, right
thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles!! I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.

wow wow i could of told him DONT DO IT lmao lamo lol

Post by **HookLine** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 7:15 am

That is a hell of a story. And a warning.

I'm not sure whether to laugh, cry or cringe. Or all three.

At least you know your wife is going to be well protected.

Hope you recover quickly, and you and your testicles have a happy reunion. (I had a good look around, but they are not over here.)

mikeac · Post by **mikeac** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 9:27 am

That's awesome! When I was a kid, we had a really yappy dog and my parents were told they shoulg get a bark collar for him. These nifty little devices go on the dogs neck and have two electrodes on it that give the dog a little shock if he barks. My parents assumed that when the dog barked it would cause his skin to com in contact with the electrodes and result in a shock. This particular collar had a voltage setting, nothing sophisticated just a screw in the side. So to test the voltage all they did was press it against there arm....No shock....So they upped the voltage...again no shock...this was repeated until the voltage was cranked to the max...but still nothing.

This was borrowed from a friend who hadn't used it in years, so there was no big fuss over it. My friend came over shortly after and asked what it was for, I explained it to him, and being young put it on my neck "see it goes like this," and then I said "if it worked and the dog barked...like this" and then I did an imitation bark...Holy sh** did that hurt...Right on the throat! Turns out it's actually tuned into the frequency of a bark...Valotage was turned way down before it got put on the dog....

smokerscully1 · Post by **smokerscully1** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 9:53 am

I spit coffee out my nose all over the puter reading that!!

I have some experience with dog collars--they used to be way more than a poor boy could afford and I had a buddy who had one. I wanted to just borrow it--he said fine--just as soon as you let me shock you with it. He wanted me to know what I was doing to the dog. I still use a e-collar--but I have never forgotten that lesson.

Post by **Husker** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 10:52 am

!! ROTFLMAO !!

Smoker, Keep us informed on when you find your testicle(s). Note, might only be a single one left, and you just might have to learn to live that.

H.

wineo · Post by **wineo** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 12:02 pm

Those jewels are probably hiding.They will probably pop back out in a day or so.On a more serious note,some people have a higher resistance than others,and the effect wont be the same on these people.I have a 950,000 volt one,and can take it for 5 seconds without it knocking me down.If you happen to use it on one of those people,the only thing its going to do is piss them off,and you will wish that you bought a gun.

Old_Blue · Post by **Old_Blue** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 2:14 pm

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION @!@$$!%!@*!!!

I done the same thing on a bet. I tell you now brother, it aint worth 5 dollars

big worm · Post by **big worm** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 2:25 pm

i'm nearly speachless...omg

BW Redneck · Post by **BW Redneck** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 3:10 pm

smokerscully1 wrote:I spit coffee out my nose all over the puter reading that!!

I quickly learned a while ago never to eat or drink anything while reading these forums for this exact reason.

Post by **rad14701** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 4:15 pm

Anyone who has tinkered with electronics for any amount of time knows how much energy can be stored in seemingly harmless little components... I grabbed a rather large capacitor out of a spare parts bin once, not knowing it still held a charge in it, and zapped myself good... There was piece of flesh missing...

There's a reason why they put warnings on things... ZAP...!!! That's gonna leave a mark...

Post by **HookLine** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 5:02 pm

rad14701 wrote:Anyone who has tinkered with electronics for any amount of time knows how much energy can be stored in seemingly harmless little components...

Yup. I got bitten by the cap bank in a defibrillator once. About 2000v at 20 amps, though only for a few milliseconds. It still really really really hurts. Sort of thing you never forget.

Butch50 · Post by **Butch50** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 5:34 pm

My oldest brother pissed on an electric fence once

- he walked funny for a few days. Course we didn't give him any grief over it

Ricky · Post by **Ricky** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 6:03 pm

My oldest brother pissed on an electric fence once - he walked funny for a few days. Course we didn't give him any grief over it

brings back memories!

as for the caps, i was in my room with a buddy while taking electronics classes for the air force when a bright flash came through the room. i turned to see my bud laying on the bed with the confedy from a blown cap laying around him!

needless to say he didnt play with hot caps after that!

not to hurt anybodies feelings but he was from south carolina.

wineo · Post by **wineo** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 7:22 pm

I remember a guy from the neighborhood when we were kids pissing on a sparkplug on a running lawnmower on a dare.We laughed about it for weeks because he always acted so tough all the time,and screamed like a girl,and pissed himself.

As-Ol-Joe · Post by **As-Ol-Joe** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 5:15 am

Great story.

What a visual, I laughed so hard that I'm still crying.