my dad sent me this

[pegasus]

The Purina diet

Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, The Wonder Dog, and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think, I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that, no, I didn't have a dog; I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and I.V.s in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.
If there's a moral to this true-life adventure, it is that you better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
P.S. Send this (especially) to all your retired friends ... it will not only be their laugh for the day, it will also give them inspiration!

[Samohon]

Thanks for sharing... I never even seen it coming...

[blanikdog]

I'm gonna use this one day soon although living in such a small town as I do I really doubt that anyone would ask me the question cos they all know that I'm a fucking crazy bastard.