Maker’s Mark Bourbon Review by Fester

[Fester]

Maker’s Mark
Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whisky
Handmade
Loretto, Kentucky, USA
750 ml. 45%alc/vol

As all the diehard Fester lovers out there know, I’m not one to be buying booze. It’s just been an itch to try Maker’s Mark after all the propaganda that I’ve read about this store-bought booze that made me want to try some. For purely Scientific Reasons mind you. After all, if Maker’s Mark is the “standard” then I should set my sights to emulate nothing but the best. Or at the very least experience the flavor of a fine bourbon. And Maker’s Mark has a dedicated cult following and I want to see why.

So I go to a bar and order a Maker’s Mark. Sorry, says the barkeep, we don’t have it. Too expensive for this dumpy dive perhaps?
Crap, says I, and I leave. Because now I must buy a whole bottle just to try it.

I go to the liquor store and get a 750ml bottle of Maker's Mark for $25. It’s the smallest one they have. Note: At this point, Fester parts with $25 for storebought booze. Let this soak in awhile. You can now see that this is some serious shit going on here. Fester is a cheap bastard and damned proud of it. And that is $25! (the cost of a 50 gallon wash or 5 gallons of "Fester Goodness").

I read the bottle carefully. Word for word. Soaking it all in. Inspecting the hand-dipped wax blobby seal that looks so cool. Flashing ideas into my head about dipping my homemade hooch in wax too. Then I see a nice little pull tab to open the wax seal. Again, so cool. Inspecting the wax seal tamper proof device I realize it is a piece of fiber tape and again my mind flashes knock-off instructions to my brain. I’m very impressed so far with this company’s ability to get even Fester to buy a bottle and be impressed with the bottle, packaging and label too. So here goes…

I take my favorite shot glass. Wash and dry it even because this is gonna be special. I've wanted this for a long time. I gently unscrew the wax covered plastic cap and “nose" it. You know, I smell it real good for a long time. It is interesting. My excitement was instantly replaced with curiosity at the smell of it. The first sensory registration was a chemical smell. It smelled like heads! But that quickly disappeared. The finish on the first inhalation was best described as oily tails. I was not impressed. Right now MY SHIT has got this whopped!

But I’m into it for $25 USD and I have a clean shot glass. What would you do?

As I raised the jiggerfull to my lips, my nose registered a completely different set of signals. I could smell the barrel oak in all its glory. Rich and pleasing. I knew immediately that it was over-oaked. I’ve done it myself and the batch would not taste pleasing to me. But there is no turning back now.

I charged my mouth with about 1/3 of the shot glass’s contents and felt the mild burn of 45% alcohol on my tongue and cheeks. It was not unpleasant as I swallowed and took a long breath. I had just experienced my first Maker’s Mark. The flavor was unique. I experienced a sensation almost eucalyptus in its ability to busrt open the flavor sensors in my mouth and on my breath. And still there was that chemical taste that I am not used to. So naturally I pour another jigger several times because this is a bonified experiment after all, right?

Each shot was more pleasant than the one before. Just like with the shit I made when I first started distilling. Even bad stuff, if you keep drinking, will taste less and less offensive.

So now for my Total Flavor Evaluation: (drumroll, please)

It sucks. It tastes like other commercial booze out there at half the price.


I got used to my own hooch that has almost no heads or tails. I am spoiled now. I only drink hearts. I can taste the heads and tails in Maker’s Mark that I simply don’t have in my booze. I appreciate the “complexity” that they bring to the overall experience but to me it is too much. The chemical taste and smell is a big negitave but the smoothness they achieved through aging helps to make a nice balance. I think they are greedy. Too far into the heads and tails.

BUT WAIT…..

Lets be fair. They use some wheat in the grain bill and I’m not used to that so it may be an acquired taste. I PROMISE, I will research this further by liver saturation and due diligence to complete this Highly Scientific Survey. In other words, I’ll get snockered tonight on Maker’s Mark and tell you guys about the hangover in the morning.

Fester

[rednose]

Best review ever, can't await the hangover part.

[Fester]

From the label:

"Maker's Mark is America's only handmade bourbon whisky never mass produced.
Each individual batch is less than 19 barrels...."


DANG. 19 barrels at a whack. I know first hand the effort a hobby distiller goes through in producing just one 52 gallon barrel.
(500 - 600 pounds of sugar and 200 pounds of corn) about 400+ gallons of wash/mash per barrel.
So, unless I'm wrong.... starting with 8 or 9 percent mash then the ferment would be:

52 gallon barrel of 65% times 19
600 gallons of 8% mash to get maybe 52 gallons at 65% with some cuts
times
19
equal
11,000 gallons of mash to fill 19 barrels.

11,000 gallon mash/wash?

THIS IS A SMALL HANDMADE BATCH? Not mass produced? shit guys. i can do 100 gallons of wash if i'm "big time". But 11,000 gallons?

about 1/3 of the bottle gone now and catching a buzz. will update you as more highly scientific information becomes available...

Fester

[Nightforce]

Great review Fester!

I'm not quite as cheap as you, I buy Makers Mark because I'm to cheap to by my favorite (Bookers). So if you just can't stand that Makers Mark bottle and refuse to drink it....I can furnish you with my address so I can properly dispose of it for you.

Dang I wish some of the experts here lived closer to me, I'd love to actually try some perfectly oaked hearts, hand distilled by a master. I actually think my first attempt at an oaked product tastes really good; it's good by itself and fantastic in cola. It's got some heads in it and might have a bit more charcoal flavor that it should, but I'd give it a B- for the first try. Man oh man would I love to try some fine hand crafted spirits.

As always Fester (and others), thanks for your continual contributions to this forum.

[Fester]

OK, half a bottle has been "evaluated" now and I must say it is nothing short of "nothing special". Easy sipping and a very good buzz but I get that with my "Fester's Goodness" and without the chemical taste in my mouth. Sorry to disappoint you hangers-on. The store-bought Maker's Mark sucks hind tit to Fester's Goodness. Just being honest.
And if i feel like a zombie in the morning after doing this to prove a scientific theorem, then Maker's Mark will get an even worse review because my stuff is hangover free.

Diligent Fester

[rednose]

Hey Fester, under the table now?

What about the evaluation of the other half of the bottle?

[still crazy]

Fester
I love this review
Recently I attended a whiskey tasting event.
119 samples
I have to sit down and type out the review of that
I went with 5 old friends and they all kept saying "not as good as your dads"
At the end of that day we went back to my house, wifes who were off shopping, picked up up.
We had good ole new england shore dinner , lobster/steamers/cornbread/corn on cob/strawberry shortcake
Then I took my buds in the garage for cigars and showed em my new copper toy
We finished the night off with some week old birdwatchers laced with maple syrup iced teas.
Its nice to be back in the groove.

[Fester]

The verdict is in… its just commercial booze. It is nothing special. Its loaded with heads and tails. A waste of money.

Less of a headache than I expected but I woke up with that ugly chemical taste in my mouth. Fester’s Bonified Super Duper Goodness certainly has superiority over Maker’s Mark.

Well, folks, I put my stuff up against the best out there and it wasn’t even close. In every category I prefer my own stuff. They do have a cool bottle that I will refill with Eau du Fester.

This highly scientific and totally unbiased (?) experiment is concluded.

The days of me trying to emulate commercial booze are over. It is now up to them to craft a product as good as mine.

Fester

[LWTCS]

Nice job Fester.
Bet one couldn't get a review like that outta one of those hob snobby likker publications.

Waiting for closure
Larry

[Ayay]

Fester that is one great in-depth review! I have tried a few of the most expensive bootique whiskeys and learned the lesson.

The commercial industry is all-inclusive with self bestowed awards and medals. For most people that is the 'pitimony.

Only a very few will know that 'priceless' is attainable, that priceless has another more direct meaning, and the two are one.

[blanikdog]

Nice job Fester.
Bet one couldn't get a review like that outta one of those hob snobby likker publications.

Waiting for closure
Larry

Yup, very informative review, fester.

[rubber duck]

Bull shit, You can't give the bottle a full revive unless you drink the whole damn thing between you and a friend and see how bad it hurts in the morning. I can tell you this, split a bottle of that shit and you will pay for your sins. Me and a friend did just that and then had to hike 20 miles on the CCT. Seemed like a good idea at the time.

[Nightforce]

It always "seems like a good idea" at the time, never seems to BE a good idea though....no matter how many times you try.

...I managed a few shots less than a 1/5 a while back of Capt. Morgan in an effort to test the theory once more, it doesn't quite taste the same any more.

I'm hoping one day I will learn.

[goinbroke2]

Fester, your too politically correct. I did a review a while back on Glenfidich. My results? HOLY FUCK THIS IS HORRIBLE!

Since then I've tried;
Crown royal: HOLY FUCK THIS IS HORRIBLE!
seagrams seven: HOLY FUCK THIS IS HORRIBLE!
balentines:HOLY FUCK THIS IS HORRIBLE!
Gibsons:HOLY FUCK THIS IS HORRIBLE!

Well...you get the idea....I refuse to drink store bought shit because it is (in one persons words) HORRIBLE!
The wife was at a conference in Toronto recently, came home and complained she had to drink shit from the bar, couldn't finish it cause "I spoiled her".

Love the review though, feel free to add others...when the next cheque comes in...

[WalkingWolf]

Was out at dinner with friends last night and decided I'd try my first Maker's Mark. I agree with fester on the "too much heads" part. That's the first thing that you tatse. Overall not a bad drink. I've had worst over the years. Definitely don't see all the Whoopla 'bout this whiskey. Had Woodford Reserve last week and in my opinion this didn't come close to the woodford.