Jokes

[VLAGAVULVIN]

The hardest thing to see is what's right in front of you.

An old but still funny pikcha...

[Yummyrum]

Bloody hell , took me a while to get it

[VLAGAVULVIN]

me too

[The Baker]

I can see the start and the finish,
but I dunno how it got there...

Geoff

[Kareltje]

Thanks to your comments I got it.
What a wonderfull communitu we have here!

[The Baker]

I can see the start and the finish,
but I dunno how it got there...

Geoff

Maybe it is all in the mind??

Geoff

[Saltbush Bill]

I recently spent $6,500 on this registered Black Angus bull.
I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow.
I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.
Anyway......I had the Vet come and take a look at him.
He said,, the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.
The bull started to service the cows within two days……. all my cows!
He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows!
He's like a machine!
I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him ... but they kind of taste like peppermint.

[VLAGAVULVIN]

The Black Angus Shepherd, lol

[HDNB]

what did one saggy titty say to the other saggy titty?

"If we don't get some support soon, people are gonna start thinking we're nuts."

[cranky]

[EricTheRed]

Just learned today there’s not one single canary left on the Canary Islands.

Same of the Virgin Islands…….




Not one single canary.

[Bushman]

I had a weird dream last night, I dreamt I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.

[JLP IV]

A cop walked into a bar
I don't know what happened next cause I got the F out of there

[acfixer69]

Little Billy and Little Lucy, are only 12 Years Old,
But, they know they are in Love.
One day they decide, that they want to get Married..?!?!?
Billy goes to Lucy's father to ask him for her hand:-
Billy bravely walks up to him and says.
"Mr. Smith, me and Lucy are in Love.
I want to ask you, for her Hand in Marriage."
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing. Mr. Smith replies..
"Well Billy, you're only 12. Where will you Two Live"..??
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Billy replies....
"In Lucy's room. It's bigger than mine. We can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable. Mr. Smith says with a huge grin....
"Okay, then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job.
You'll need to support Lucy."
Again, Billy instantly replies....
"Our pocket money, Lucy gets five dollars a week and I get 8 dollars' that's about 52 dollars a month. So that should do us just fine."
Mr. Smith is impressed Billy has put so much thought into this..
"Well Billy, It seems like you have everything worked out. I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have Little Children of your own"..???
Billy just shrugs his shoulders and says....
"Well, we've been lucky so far."
*
Mr. Smith no longer thinks Billy is so adorable....

[HDNB]

Hired a new guy last friday. Gave him directions to the site, told him to be there 8am Monday (today).
This go-getter got there a half hour early, help some guys load their truck with all the building supplies.

The webcam even shows him stopping traffic so the thieves could leave.

[Setsumi]

Hired a new guy last friday. Gave him directions to the site, told him to be there 8am Monday (today).
This go-getter got there a half hour early, help some guys load their truck with all the building supplies.

The webcam even shows him stopping traffic so the thieves could leave.

Now, try to do a performance management with that!

[Tater]

[HDNB]

when i was a kid, my dad gave me some money to go downtown and pay the electric bill.
I got distracted and ended up buying some raffle tickets for a new truck. When i got home and told him, he beat my ass.
the next morning though, there was a brand new truck in the driveway.
We both stood there crying, me especially, since the truck was from the electric company, there to shut off the power.
the old man beat my ass again.

[The Baker]

Good ones, tater and HDNB.

Geoff

[Bradster68]

When I'm having sex with my wife, everytime she has an orgasm she head butts me.
I never used to mind until I found out she was faking em.

[Bradster68]

I went for a prostate exam the other day. I asked the doctor where he wanted me to put my pants. He said over there with mine.

[Bradster68]

My mom always told me " don't have sex with your cousin you'll have a retard baby".
I said mom...I can pull out while I'm fuckin my cousin.

[CoogeeBoy]

I went for a prostate exam the other day. I asked the doctor where he wanted me to put my pants. He said over there with mine.

You must go to the same one as me.

Went to see him the other day for a booster shot, he said "You might feel a little prick."

I said "Doctor, I hardly know you!"

[Bradster68]

I went for a prostate exam the other day. I asked the doctor where he wanted me to put my pants. He said over there with mine.

You must go to the same one as me.

Went to see him the other day for a booster shot, he said "You might feel a little prick."

I said "Doctor, I hardly know you!"

[Bushman]

I found a doctor with small hands.

[CoogeeBoy]

I found a doctor with small hands.

Which reminds me that all the electricians in Holland are called Hans.

I asked one of the locals and he explained, "Many Hans make lights work."

[CoogeeBoy]

And this week's classic:

Why did the baker have brown hands?


Because he "needed"* a poo.........



*Kneaded

[Tater]

Ha ha ha let's laugh
10h
·
A blonde female bought herself a new Mercedes. She could drive the car during the day, but at night the car wouldn't move at all. She tried driving the car at night for a week with no luck.
Furious, she called the dealership, told them the problem and they sent a
mechanic to the house. The mechanic gave the car a thorough inspection
and could not find anything wrong.
Eventually, he asked the blonde, " Are you sure you're using the right gears?"
"Of course I am. I'm not stupid. I use "D" during the day and "N" at night!"

[juana_b]

I was sitting at Starbucks today and overheard a redhead and a blond at the table next to me. The redhead said "I slept with a Brazilian last night", and the the blond replied "OMG, you slut, how many is a brazilian?".

[Yummyrum]

And here I was thinking the punchline would have had something to do with razors