Funny sayings

[BoomTown]

When someone is very frugal, they "are tighter than the bark on a tree", "can squeeze a penny till it bleeds", "could coax blood from a stone", "can find a dime under a chair during the movie".

[Coyote]

Mom's most used.

"If wishes were horses,
Beggars would ride"

Coyote

[heartcut]

Couple fries short of a happy meal.

[swampdog 2]

Boy if I could put your brain in a humming birds ass he would fly backwards

[thecroweater]

Unattractive : ugly as a hat full of busted arse holes
Confined : scrunched up like a greyhound rooting a golf ball

[muddog]

Ugly as a toadfish. Muddog

[Truckinbutch]

Pretty woman :
'That'd make a puppy pull a freight train !'
Fugly :
'That bitch would cause a freight train to take a dirt road !'

[thecroweater]

1/ put a fat on a jellyfish
2/ make a crowbar go limp

[Tal]

He' built like a brick shithouse.
Crooked as a dogs hind leg!
He's as tight as a Nun's c..t!
He' like a drover's dog, all prick and ribs! (To clarify: a drover is a cattleman from Australia mostly)

[thecroweater]

if it weren't for shit luck I wouldn't have any luck at all
if it were raining pussy I'd pick up one with a cock in it
pretty useless : he couldn't run a choko vine over a shit house
very quick : moved like a $5 hooker
indecisive : like an old mole in a rag shop

Dads sayings
I'll kick your arse til ya nose bleeds , I'm about 1 smart alec comment form puttin my arm down ya throat and pulling ya arse hole in
Granddads
If brains were made of dynamite he wouldn't have enough to blow his hat to one side, whiskey and water wreck two good drinks

[hellbilly007]

Fine as frog's fur

[rad14701]

Wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which one gets full first!

I tell you what!

You're talking through a paper asshole now!

You spend 9 months waiting to get out of that hole and the rest of your life trying to get back in!

[RevSpaminator]

Act like a dumbshit and they'll treat you as an equal.

[T-Pee]

I'll slap ya so hard yer mom's gonna feel it.

tp

[Rivver]

"Dryer than a popcorn fart"

"Gone like a fart in the wind"

"Sweatin like a whore in church"

"Could hit a gnats ass at a 100 yards"

"Couldn't hit a barn if you were standing inside it"

"Like a monkey fuckin a football"

"Slicker 'en snot on a roosters lip"

"Colder than a well diggers ass"

"Crazy as a pet coon"

"Ain't worth a shot of powder"

"He could swallow some coal and shit out a diamond"

[planethax]

"She runs like a $2 whore"

"I don't watch soccer(football),
if I wanted to see a bunch of guys struggling to score for 90 minutes
I take my friends out to the bar!"

[IrishEnigma]

As useless as tits on a bullfrog.

number than a pound of farts

So cold I could cut glass with my nipples.

Man look at that poop cutter.

he's shittin bricks.

teeth are so big he could eat an apple through a fence.

[IrishEnigma]

He's slower than molasses going up hill on a cold day

[OlympicMtDoo]

Lucky enough to shit in a swingin jug.

Uglier than a sack full of assholes.

Handier than a third shirt pocket.

Busier than a one legged cat tryin to bury terds on a frozen pond.

[Tal]

She would put a bone on ya a dog couldnt chew!

[cob]

tighter n a bulls ass in fly season

[bearriver]

>snip< is so hard, a cat can't scratch it.

[Truckinbutch]

Left outta here faster than a corncobbed and turpentined dog .

[moosemilk]

Her ass is so fine, I'd crawl a mile through rusty nails just to hear her fart over a walkie talkie.

She's a real picnic: been on more wieners than hienz ketchup n spreads easier than miracle whip

For a guy that gets around: "killed more cats than the pound"

[Tokoroa_Shiner]

A girl that's "been around". Like throwing a hotdog down a hallway.

[StillLearning1]

A girl that's "been around". Like throwing a hotdog down a hallway.

Like shooting a bb gun at a freight train.

[Truckinbutch]

Guys jabber about 'why would you buy a cow if you can get the milk free ?'
COME ON CORENE ! Back me up on this :
Gals say 'Why in the Hell would I buy that whole hog when all I want is just a little bit of sausage "

[HDNB]

how's yer feet and ears?

a cunning array of stunts

big enough to burn diesel fuel

seventeen axe handles, a stick and a plug a chewin tabbacca wide

jus' like a couple bear cubs wrestlin' under a blanket.

fuck, fight or hold the light (that one's for jarhead)

chew the ass off a (beer, Du maurier, whiskey, steak...etc. etc.)

so skinny she'd have to: stand twice to make a shadow
run around the shower to get wet
put rocks in her pockets in a stiff breeze

all over it like a fat kid on smarties

for all you yanks:
i'm gonna go ahead, and go ahead...or the really funny one... i'm gonna go ahead and back up now....

and for me fellow Canadians:
Eh?

gonna go ahead and quit now, 'cause this could go on all night.

[cob]

answering the dumb question with a question.

"does howdy doody have wooden nuts??"

[oldgrouch62]

Not mine, quote from a literary-talented pal:

"That gal's got an ass like a 4-row corn picker!"